It Gets Better
by xxmariel
Summary: AU: Castle and Beckett meet in a different way, but are still drawn together by murder. Their relationship escalates from there as more secrets are uncovered, and they realize their lives may be more intertwined than they thought.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi! I started this story in Season 3, then had some health issues (Lyme Disease, ticks suck!) and had to take a break from a lot of things in my life, including fanfiction. Well, I'm back now, and I've reworked this story and am finally completing it. Thanks for checking it out :) Please let me know what you think in a review or if you feel so inclined, on my tumblr (xxmolls). I'm really excited to be sharing it with you all.**

**Summary:**

AU: Castle and Beckett meet in a different way, but are still drawn together by a murder. Their relationship escalates from there as more secrets are uncovered, and they realize their lives may be more intertwined than they thought.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Castle or any of its characters. If you recognize any lines from the show, they are not mine either (I may throw some Easter Eggs in ;)).

**Rating: **T, mostly for violence, language, and sexual themes. If there is any especially triggering content in a chapter, I will try my very best to warn you in the Author's Note at the top.

_**It Gets Better**_

_**Part I**_

**Chapter 1**

The club was packed, with the distinct smell of sweat and a warm rush of body heat. Detective Beckett, or Kate as the situation called for, rolled her eyes as she lost sight of her friend Lanie in the crowd. She turned nonchalantly to the bar, collapsing on one of the stools and glaring disgustedly at a smug faced man looking her up and down. She tried to avoid eye contact, but he didn't seem to get the hint. She felt a presence beside her a moment later.

"Hi," he breathed. His breath smelled of alcohol and a little bit like garlic. Ignoring him, she got up from the stool and made her way to the dance floor. She was disappointed to feel him following behind her.

"Wanna dance?"

"No, thank you," she spat. Where had Lanie gone?

"You know, you have gorgeous eyes, has anyone ever told you that?" She scoffed in reply.

"No, actually, you're the first one."

"Really?" he asked, hopeful. She shook her head and scanned the crowd, looking for her friend's dark hair.

"I was being sarcastic," she said dryly, and pushed away from him. Unexpectedly, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her flush against him body.

"Excuse me-" she started, but he interrupted.

"Look, you're hot, I'm hot, so let's fuck," the man said, sneering. She felt bile rising in her throat.

"If you don't let go of me in 5 seconds-"

"Oh, you think I'm scared of a little thing like you? Come _on,_ Baby-" the breath was knocked from his chest as she whirled around and he found himself flat on his back.

"Do _not _call me 'Baby,'" she hissed and walked away into the small crowd that was gathering around the shocked injured man.

She stalked over to the bar again and muttered, "Jackass," under her breath. She felt a presence beside her again and almost screamed in frustration. However, when she turned her head she was relieved to see a different man sitting beside her. He had soft, brown hair and a gorgeous smile. He was quite attractive in her eyes, but then she noticed he was smirking at her.

"What?" she snapped, but he just smiled wider.

"He totally deserved it." She laughed a little, a throaty, seductive laugh. The man continued, "that was definitely _the _worst pick up line I've ever heard." She smirked and looked straight at him, but he was casually taking a sip from his martini glass.

"You hear a lot of them, do you?"

"Actually, yes. Hang around this god forsaken club long enough and you will too. Though I'm sure you'll hear much more than I will. You see, I'm not a beautiful woman. I am, however, a ruggedly handsome man,"" he winked at her, and she groaned.

"If you end that thought with 'let's fuck'…"

"Oh no, I have much more class than that. Besides, the last woman I fed that line to slapped me, though I have to say that didn't hurt as much as what you did to that guy back there…" She looked back to see the man still on the floor, pushing away a few bros who were trying to help him up.

"Yeah, well, word on the street was he deserved it."

"Yes, indeed." The conversation paused for a minute as she ordered her drink. She looked back over to him to see him staring intensely at her, studying her with kind eyes.

"I'm Kate," she said on a whim.

"Rick," he offered, and shook her hand. They sat there, sipping their drinks for a few moments before he tossed his down his throat and stood up.

"At the risk of you causing me serious bodily harm, will you dance with me, Kate?" She hesitated, as she had just broken up with Josh. Lanie had dragged her out to have fun though, and what was the harm in one little dance?

"All right, 'ruggedly handsome' guy, lead the way."

The lights were streaming onto the floor, all different colors flashing over the moving bodies. He pulled her to the middle, and at first there were a few inches between them as they danced to the pulsing bass. However, gradually they inched closer, and his hands came to rest of her waist as she ground her hips into him. Soon enough she felt his hands sinking lower as they moved in time. After a song or two of vigorous dancing, she felt him spin her around and pull her flush against his body. She could feel his heart pounding against her chest, but her focus was on his eyes. There was something profound looming behind his pupils. Then she saw his gaze flicker to her lips and back up again. In a moment when she lost track of her rational mind, she pulled his head hungrily toward her as their lips met.

At first the kiss was slow and sweet, tender. Then, however, it grew in passion, and she could feel his tongue asking permission to enter her mouth. She let him in at once, and their tongues met as they tasted each other's hot breath. His hands ran through her long hair, and she put her arms around his neck as she pushed her body as close as she could to his. She couldn't understand why it just felt so right, so _perfect_.

A few moments later they broke off for air. Both of them panting, she stepped back.

"Wow," he breathed first. "That was amazing." Stunned, she felt herself nodding. He suddenly took her hand in his and held it tight.

"Kate, are you all right?" She noticed then that her cheeks were burning and her breathing wasn't slowing down. Her heart was pumping wildly in her chest with no hope of stopping.

"It's just… hot in here," she finally said. "Do you want to go get some air?" She was beginning to feel the effect of the 4 shots of tequila she had taken earlier.

"Yeah, sure," he said, still not convinced though she noticed, and he led her out the club door.

The night was cold, and she was in a skimpy red dress. She could see her breaths coming out into puffs of smoke in the air. She noticed Rick was still holding her hand.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again, and she looked up into those eyes. She saw only genuine concern in them.

"I'm fine, Rick, but thank you." She shivered then, and he immediately shucked his leather jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

"Here," he said. She glared at him, but he only laughed. "I can tell you're an independent woman, Kate, and you don't like help from men… but… think of it rationally. I have a button down shirt underneath that will keep me warm, but you… you're wearing… well…" he gulped and let his eyes rake over the dress. She pretended not to notice.

"Thanks," she said again, and they walked a bit.

"Want me to hail you a cab?" he asked. She looked at him, surprised. "What?"

"Nothing… I just wasn't expecting you to be so... chivalrous." He grinned at her words.

"And they say chivalry is dead…"

"Guess not." They walked a little longer until he saw a cab and waved it down. He helped her into the car after she stumbled a bit. Then, something unusual happened. Maybe it was the alcohol getting to her brain, or maybe it was the fact that she just wasn't herself after she and Josh broke up. No matter the reason, she found herself begging,

"Come with me, Rick." She noticed his jaw drop slightly.

"What?" Suddenly more sure of herself, she took his hands in hers.

"Please, I just- please just come with me." He shook his head.

"Kate, I want nothing more than to do that, but I think it would be best if we-" she cut him off by leaping out of the car into his arms, crushing her lips to his. He tasted like a mixture of tequila and wine.

They pulled back a moment later when the cab driver honked.

"Hey, you want a ride or not?" Both grinning like idiots, she took his hand and pulled him into the car.

The whole way back, they held hands and intermittently made out like teenagers, drunk on each other's taste.

When they got to her apartment building, she led the way up the stairs, fumbling for the light switch after unlocking her door.

She led him to the bedroom, pushing him back onto the bed and unbuttoning his shirt as his hands roamed over her body and eventually down her thighs to the bottom of her dress. He paused for a moment.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Kate?" She groaned and pushed him back on the bed again.

"Rick, just shut up and take your pants off."

"Yes ma'am," he grinned cheekily, and did as he was told.

They fell together that night, exploring each other's bodies and smiling uncontrollably throughout the whole time, but it wasn't awkward. Everything seemed to be perfect between them, like they had been with each other a million times before.

As he gave her one last searing kiss on her collarbone, he pulled her naked body close to his and pulled the sheets over them. She sighed contentedly and leaned back into him, enjoying his embrace and kissing his arm before they both gave in to slumber.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The ringing of a cell phone broke her from her hazy state. She jumped up abruptly, fully awake. Noticing she had no clothes on, she gasped as her eyes fell on the man in bed with her, and the night came flooding back. She smiled slightly, and grabbed her cell from the bedside table.

"Don't answer it… it's too early," she heard him mumble. She glanced at the clock and saw it was in fact 4:30 am.

"Sorry, Kitten," she quipped, and pressed the receive button.

"Beckett."

"Yo, we've got a body," she heard Esposito say on the other line. Sighing, she got the address from him and hung up.

She looked down at her sleeping lover and brushed some of the hair out of his eyes. He looked so peaceful, so kind and innocent in his sleep. Leaning down, she kissed his hairline.

"I've got to go," she said sadly. "Duty calls." He groaned and popped one eye open.

"What are you?" he asked. "A CIA agent or something?" She grinned and twisted his ear as he yelped and yelled "Apples!""

"If I told you I'd have to kill you, Sir," with that, she slid out of bed and got dressed. Pausing at the door, she turned back around.

"Thank you, Rick, for last night. I had a lot of fun… I really needed it." She hesitated, starting to say what her heart wanted before it reached her head. However, her thoughts were cut off with a large snore from Rick. He'd fallen back asleep. She wondered if this would be the last time she'd see him again.

"Goodbye, Kitten."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

She arrived at the address moments later, walking up to her friend Lanie who was crouched above the body.

"Wow, looks like I wasn't the only one to have a good night last night. You've got sex hair, girl." She grimaced.

"Time of death?"

"You're no fun. But we _will _talk about this later. Time of death is around 2 am. Victim's granddaughter came down to get a drink when she found her like this, sprawled out on the couch. She tried to wake her, and that's when she noticed the blood."

"Got a cause yet?"

"I can't know for sure until I perform an autopsy because it looks like she was also strangled, but I will say it looks like she was stabbed several times with a knife through the chest."

"Angry lover?" Ryan said, coming up behind them. Esposito walked up too, clamping his hand down on Ryan's shoulder.

"Nah, man… my bet's on an angry actress. Sources say the vic was an actress on Broadway. You know how catty those theater people can get about a part they want. I dated one back in college… she was crazy. And not just in bed-"

"All right, Javier, thanks for your expertise," Lanie cut in, rolling her eyes.

"Has anyone talked to the granddaughter yet?" Beckett asked, holding her eyes shut for a moment as a headache began to form. Ryan and Esposito looked at each other and shrugged.

"We thought we'd leave that for you. You know, you do that… woman thing…"

Beckett raised her eyebrows and glared.

"Excuse me? 'Woman thing'?" Ryan and Esposito shared a glance and scattered two different ways, each raising their phones that hadn't rung.

"Yeah, yes sir, I'll get on that right away…"

"I can't believe you'd date one of them," Beckett grumbled, glaring at Lanie. Lanie sighed.

"Well, we can't all date doctors." Realizing her mistake as the mood sobered up, Lanie stopped what she was doing and laid a hand on Beckett's.

"Kate, you know you're my girl… but you've got to move on. Josh didn't deserve you. You've got to find someone who does." Beckett smiled bittersweetly and pulled her hand away.

"Thanks Lanie. Let me know if you find anything else." She stood up, making her way over to a sobbing teenage girl.

"Hi, Sweetie. I'm Detective Beckett, and I know this is hard, but I really need to ask you a few questions if that's okay. It'll help us find who did this to your grandmother."" The girl sniffled and wiped her red hair out of her face. She looked up into Beckett's green eyes, and Beckett was struck with a sense of familiarity. However, she shook it off, and took the girl's hand.

"What's your name, Honey?"

"I'm Alexis. Alexis Castle."

"Okay, Alexis. I need you to tell me what happened this morning when you found your Grandmother." She absentmindedly stroked the back of Alexis' hand, instantly calming the girl as she choked back a sob. "It's okay, Sweetie. I know this is hard, but it will help us find who did this to your Grandmother."

"Gram," the girl said with an ounce of confidence. "I called her Gram."

"Okay, well tell me about your Gram."

"I woke up feeling thirsty around 3:30 this morning. I had heard noises earlier in the night, but Gram is always throwing parties so I just thought it was that. My dad was supposed to be home, but he wasn't. So I went downstairs to call him, but his phone was off. I got a drink of water, and that's when I saw her," she took a deep breath as another sob shuddered through her small body. "She was on the couch, and I thought she was sleeping. I tried to wake her up and get her to bed, but then I saw the blood, so I screamed. I checked for a pulse, but it wasn't there, so I called 911… and that's when you guys got here."

"Okay, thank you, Alexis. That helps a lot. Now I want you to think, is there anyone who would want to harm Gram? Any old enemies or people she didn't get along with?" Alexis shook her head.

"I can't think of anyone. I mean, Gram wasn't exactly a saint, but she did have a lot of friends and people… people loved her." Beckett nodded, as this was a common response.

"Thank you, Alexis. Have you gotten ahold of your dad?" the girl shook her head and started crying again. Beckett leaned forward and started rubbing her back. "Can you stay with me until he comes?" she asked hopefully. Beckett nodded.

"Sure, Sweetie."

An hour later the crew was packing up the body of Martha Rogers and cleaning up their mess. Beckett sat with Alexis, stroking her back and playing with her hair. They talked about menial things like school and what colleges Alexis wanted to go to. Anything to take the girl's mind off her Gram.

"What made you decide to be a Detective?" Alexis finally asked, and Kate stiffened. She didn't usually broadcast the information, but she felt a connection with the girl, so she bit the inside of her cheek and took a deep breath.

"When I was 19 my mother was murdered," she began. "I was out to eat with my dad and we were waiting for her to come… and then we got the call. And they never found her killer. It was a cold case."" She stopped there, stilling her hand on the girl's back and looked down with tears in her eyes.

"It gets easier," she told the girl. "But I still miss her every day." She felt Alexis put her hand on her arm, and she looked up into the girl's blue eyes.

"Thank you, Detective Beckett," she said, and that's all she needed to say before they fell into a comfortable silence.

A few minutes later, the door burst open. Beckett and Alexis both rose as Rick Castle walked in the room. As soon as her eyes fell on him, she gasped.

"What's going on here?" he shouted frantically. "Where's my daughter?"

"Dad, I'm right here!" Alexis exclaimed, and ran into his arms.

"God, I was so scared, are you all right?" he asked, still not seeing Kate.

"Dad, it's Gram!" Alexis sobbed, and he held her tight. He stroked her back, and cried a little with her. After a few moments, Beckett took a few shaky steps toward them, still not believing her eyes.

"Who's in charge here?" he asked the room. It was now or never.

"I am."

"Kate!?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow, thank you so much for the follows, favorites, and reviews! I was so happy when I opened my inbox this morning. They really mean a lot to me. You all are the best.**

**Sorry if there was a bit of confusion with the way I worded things. There is ****_plenty_ more of this story. It's not a one-shot. I'm thinking there will be about 21 chapters.**

**Here's Chapter 2:**

_**Previously…**_

"_Dad, it's Gram!" Alexis sobbed, and he held her tight. He stroked her back, and cried a little with her. After a few moments, Beckett took a few shaky steps toward them, still not believing her eyes._

"_Who's in charge here?" he asked the room. It was now or never._

"_I am."_

"_Kate!?"_

**Chapter 2**

The buzz in the room came to a still and all eyes flew to her, but she didn't notice. Her eyes were locked with Richard Castle's blue eyes, engaged in a silent battle. At first she saw the pain and fear behind them, and she tried to calm him down with her eyes. She held his gaze, but then suddenly his eyes sparked with anger. He took a menacing step towards Kate.

"What is going on here? Did you plan this or something? My mother gets murdered so you track me down and jump into bed with me?" Her cheeks immediately flushed red as she noticed the other officers whispering behind his back. She lowered her head in shame as she composed herself for a few seconds.

"Dad, what's going on?" to make matters worse Alexis reminded the room of her presence. Kate could feel anger seep through her body.

"If I recall correctly, it was _you_ who came up to _me_! I didn't seek you out at all. I was just getting a drink when you came up with your carefully crafted lines and your… and your cocky smile… and how could you even think that?! You don't even have all the information yet! I just got here when I got the call this morning! I had no idea she was your mother!" She tried to storm past him, but he grabbed her arm tightly and spun her around to face him. They glared at each other, half about to strangle the other and half about to start shedding clothes and making out like teenagers again despite the situation. Sometime during the fight Esposito and Ryan had come up, and suddenly they were in between the two of them. Esposito took ahold of Kate and dragged her to the other side of the room, while Ryan took Castle into the office. Seeing Alexis standing by herself, utterly confused, Lanie jumped to the rescue and took her hand.

"Come on, Sweetie," she said. "Let's go get something to eat in the kitchen. Let them talk."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"What the hell was that about, Esposito? I can handle myself!"

"Excuse me, Kate, but don't you think I should be asking the questions here? Like first, how the hell do you know our victim's son?" She took a few deep breaths to calm herself, glaring at Esposito and wringing her hands together. Finally, she settled for gripping the arm of the leather couch.

"It doesn't matter."

"Like hell it doesn't matter! Kate, he's a suspect, and if you know him, you can't be on this case." Her head snapped up at that, and her face fell guiltily.

"He's not a suspect, Javier." He fixed her with a disbelieving look and sat down next to her.

"How can you be so sure?" She sighed and shook her head.

"He has an alibi."

"Does he now? And what would that be?" He crossed his arms and waited, but wasn't expecting what was coming next.

"He was with me last night," she said softly. Esposito's mouth dropped open.

"Like, how long are we talking here? Until midnight or later, before that?"

"The whole night… right up until I got the call about the body." She sighed again and couldn't quite make her eyes meet her fellow detective's.

"You slept with him."

"Yes. Lanie took me to a club last night and-"

"Hold up, you just picked him up from some club? Kate, that's not like you. That's not safe. I know you've been having a hard time getting over Josh but-"

"No, Esposito. You don't know. And you don't get to judge me. I know I don't usually pick up random guys from clubs, and I shouldn't have. But he was different." Esposito scoffed disbelievingly, which only made her angrier.

"I know you and Ryan like to do the big brother thing, but it's not going to fly this time. Just leave it be and let me do my job." With that, she stood up and walked over to the office where Ryan and Castle were talking.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Meanwhile, Ryan had sat Castle down in his office chair. The two men both crossed their arms, staring at each other for several moments. Ryan made the first move.

"Mr. Castle, as I'm sure you have gathered by now, your mother was found murdered in your apartment early this morning. I am sorry for your loss." Castle snorted in response and gave a Beckett-worthy eye roll but otherwise remained silent. Ryan pressed on, "our crew is almost finished gathering evidence and taking statements from your daughter and other people of interest, we just need yours and then we will have a substantial foundation on which to start our investigation." He paused, then took a seat on Castle's desk and narrowed his eyes as he started his next line of questioning.

"So, I see you know Beckett."

"If by Beckett you mean Kate, then yes, I guess I do." Another stretch of silence followed as Ryan looked him up and down. Finally, Castle spoke again.

"So she's a police officer." It was a statement rather than a question, but Ryan's eyebrows raised.

"Whoa, Detective actually, but I thought you said you knew her? Anyone who knows Beckett knows she's crazy about her job." Ryan stood up and walked over to Castle's seat, towering over him. "Explain."

"It's complicated." Castle refused to be intimidated by this doofus. Ryan snorted.

"I'm sure it is. Why don't you uncomplicate it for me?"

"That's not even a word," Castle scoffed, but Ryan's hardened expression silenced him. "I'm a famous writer, a rich bachelor. I have women throwing themselves at me."

"Kate isn't like that," Ryan said defensively. Castle laughed, a cocky, sarcastic kind of laugh.

"What, are you in love with her? Did I crush your feelings for her? She fell for me just like the others do," he taunted. Ryan glared at him.

"She's my boss. I've been through a lot with her, and so has everyone in the precinct. We are cops, and we know how to hide a body. So quit the act, and tell the truth for once, and don't you _ever_ talk about her like that again." He backed off and composed himself, and looked up to see Castle's eyes shining with tears.

"I just lost my mother," he said by way of apology. Ryan nodded, and motioned for him to continue. "I met Kate at a club last night. We hit it off. She was different, you know? And she could kick my ass. Not like any woman I'd ever been with before. I thought I'd go home to my daughter and mother this morning, and everything would be fine like it usually is… but… seeing all the cops here, and then seeing Kate here… it threw me off. That's one hell of a coincidence."

"You slept with her," Ryan stated flatly.

"Well… yeah. And then she left early, and I had no idea why and I wish I still didn't know." Castle threw his head in his hands, and Ryan sighed.

"Well at least you have an alibi." Castle's head shot up.

"You think I could do it? I'd never hurt my mother! How could you even suggest that?" His rampage was interrupted by Kate entering the room, looking slightly frazzled.

"Relax, Castle. It's standard protocol to question all the family as suspects first. You should know that though… I thought you were a world famous crime writer?" she said the last bit with a sarcastic bite. A bit of the fire returned in Castle's eyes.

"You knew who I was all along?" he said. "So you were using me, just like any other piece of trash-" he was cut off by Ryan grabbing his arm and pushing him against the desk, abruptly cuffing him. Kate could see the situation was quickly getting out of control.

"Ryan!" she barked. "You know I can handle myself. Leave. I'll handle it from here." Ryan gave her a helpless glance. ""Are you sure?"

"Just go."

"Should I take the cuffs off, or-"

"Leave them on." She smirked. He left then, closing the door behind him as Beckett circled Castle's figure, facedown on the desk.

After a few minutes of silence, he spoke. "Some big brother you got there."

"Yeah, he's not as bad as Esposito though." She walked over to him and laid a strong hand on his back. Leaning closer, she whispered in his ear so he shivered,

"I know you're grieving over your mom, but if you _ever _compare me to a piece of trash again, I swear to God you'll never be able to have sex again."

"Is that a promise?" he bit back. "Have I been a bad boy?" He even had the nerve to grind his hips into hers a bit. She scoffed and twisted his ear as he gasped.

"I promise you don't want to mess with me." Then she stood up abruptly, leaving him lying across the desk.

"And just for the record, I had no idea who you were last night. I just read your file." With that, she left, closing the door softly behind her.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

When Rick made his way into the kitchen, it was only Kate, Lanie, Alexis, and Esposito left.

"So what happens now?" Rick asked, looking at Kate. She crossed her arms and puffed out her chest, suddenly feeling small despite her high heels.

"We review the evidence, find some suspects, and try to find your mom's killer. You wait for our call." She started to pull a card from her pocket when she heard Rick scoffing.

"I wait for your call? Do you seriously think I'm going to just sit here and do nothing while you guys look for my mother's murderer? What kind of wuss do you think I am?"

"Castle, I understand you want to help, but it's not up to you anymore-"

"Like hell it isn't!" he interrupted. Esposito and Lanie exchanged glances, but Kate and Rick didn't seem to notice. They inched closer together as Rick continued. "_My _mother was murdered for Christ's sake! I can't possibly just sit here and do nothing. Do you have any idea what you're asking me to do?" The loft was silent for a few minutes, and Alexis looked timidly at Beckett, biting her nails nervously.

"I do, actually," Kate said softly. "But you have to let us do our job. We _will _find your mother's killer, Castle, and I promise to keep you in the loop." She reached out a hand to him, but he angrily brushed her away.

"That's not good enough." He stomped away from the group to his room. They heard the door slam moments later. The crew took a collective deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Detective Beckett," Alexis said tearfully. "He didn't know…"

"It's okay, Alexis," she interrupted. "You don't have to apologize for him. I know he's grieving, and he just wants justice. I promise you I will do everything I can to catch Gram's killer."

"She's the best," Lanie pitched in. "My girl will keep her word."

"Thank you," Alexis said, and threw her arms around a surprised Kate. She smiled and pulled back. Suddenly, her expression grew confused.

'So wait, how do you know my dad?" Kate blushed and looked away.

"We met one night at a… restaurant. I only met him once, I swear… I didn't know who he was." Alexis didn't seem to fully believe her, but she let it slide.

"Thank you Detective Beckett, again, for everything." Kate smiled. She already liked this kid.

"Please, call me Kate. And here's my card if you need _anything_ at all. Don't hesitate to call, no matter what." With those parting words she timidly drew the teen in for another hug.

"Goodbye, Alexis." The group walked out of the apartment.

In the parking lot, Esposito, who had been quiet for the whole exchange, spoke up.

"So, we gonna be seeing more of Writerboy in your future?" Kate screwed up her face and laughed.

"I hope not, what an ass."

"I thought he was kinda cute," Lanie cut in, but then fixed Kate with a shocked stare.

"Wait… how do you really know him? Not the PG version… I'm thinkin' R rated at _least_." She tried to hook arms with Kate but she shrugged her off.

"It's nothing."

"Oh, she knows him all right," Esposito smirked. "Met him at the club last night… took him home and did the dirty."

"You _what?! _I knew you'd gotten lucky, but with him? Damn girl! What a catch!" Lanie playfully punched Kate in the arm.

"I don't know about that. He's like a 9 year old on a sugar rush, completely incapable of anything serious. It was fun for one night, but I don't see it going anywhere." Or at least that's what she told herself to mask the dull ache in her heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks again for your feedback! Here's the third chapter.**

**Chapter 3**

The call came at midnight, just as Kate was slipping into bed. She sighed, and hoped it wasn't another body.

"Kate?" she heard a timid voice on the other side. She paused a moment, racking her brain for who it could be.

"Yes? Who is this speaking?"

"It's Alexis."

"Oh." Her mind couldn't form an appropriate response. She had given the girl her card, but hadn't expected anything to come of it. The girl seemed highly independent, and she seemed to have good coping skills. However, she had developed a bond with the redhead earlier, and couldn't help but be concerned. "What's wrong, Alexis?"

"I need your help," the girl sobbed on the other line. Kate waited, but only heard shuddering sobs on the other end.

"Alexis, are you okay? Has something happened?"

"It's dad," the teen choked. Kate's heart began pounding wildly. She flipped on the light switch and immediately reached for her weapon, holding the phone with her chin as she began to get dressed.

"Is he hurt? Did somebody hurt him? Did he hurt himself? Oh God, I'll be right there. You are at your loft, right?"

"He's okay," Alexis said quickly. "Well, actually, he's not okay… but he's not hurt. I just don't think he's handling this whole thing very well. He punched a wall, and won't stop crying. I've never seen him cry before, and he keeps on listening to showtunes and crying really hard. I just think he needs someone here with him that understands, but I can't be that person. I've tried, but he won't even look at me." She burst into sobs again, and Kate felt her heart sinking as she paused with her hand on the front doorknob.

"I don't think I can be that person, Alexis. He barely knows me."

"But you lost your mom too. I mean, what did you do when that happened?" Kate sighed and massaged her head with her free hand.

"It was hard for a while, and I was younger. I didn't handle it well. I don't think I'm the best example for him."

"Detective, _please_. I don't know who else to call." Kate was silently debating with herself, trying desperately to not let her heart get tangled in this mess. In the end, however, said heart made the decision for her easily.

"Okay, I'll be right there."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Despite her initial reluctance to comfort the man, Kate found herself breaking every traffic law in order to get to the loft in record time. She parked illegally, slamming the car door and not bothering to turn on her emergency lights. A ticket was the least of her worries.

She made her way up to his floor, biting her lip nervously the whole time and trying not to think about the fact that she had no plan past simply _getting to him._

She knocked softly on the door. Seconds later, it swung open and the teen greeted her, obviously a wreck and relieved to see her.

"Detective Beckett, come in. Thank you so much."

"Alexis, it's Kate, remember? And really, I'm glad you called me," she soothed. "Does he know I'm coming?" she asked awkwardly. The teen seemed to zone out for a minute, swaying a little on her feet. "Alexis," she urged after several moments of silence. As pure maternal concern kicked in, she led the girl over to the couch easily and sat her down.

"Sorry," Alexis winced. "He locked his door and won't talk to me. I didn't think I could tell him." Kate gave a big sigh and bit her lip again. This wasn't what she had signed up for, but always one for a challenge and always a professional, she decided to get the facts first.

"So you said you saw him tonight?"

"Yeah. He was in here for a while, but he wasn't really _here_, you know? I tried to talk to him… to comfort him… but he was like a zombie. And then he couldn't stop crying." The girl paused, training her blue eyes on Beckett with great fear. "Dad's never cried in front of me before. No matter what happens. He's always the strong one. He didn't even cry when our old family dog died, or when he fell off a police horse and broke his leg!" Kate had to force herself not to raise her eyebrow at that information.

"I know that as your dad you expect him to be strong, Alexis, but everyone has their breaking point. This is his mother. It sounds like they were really close, and a mother's bond with her child is something that is completely unique. He's hurting, badly, and everyone shows their grief in different ways." She took the girl's hand in hers and squeezed it.

"I know, Kate… but it does feel better to hear someone say that. I just hope you can help him, since I couldn't." The teenager's expression lit up hopefully, and even in her smudged make-up and pajamas, she looked like a beautiful child. Kate could only hope she wouldn't let her down.

"One more question, Alexis… I noticed his father isn't around." She watched as her eyes turned dark and she looked away.

"He doesn't know who his father is. Gram wouldn't tell him. Said it was better if he didn't know, and she loved him enough for both parents."

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'll try my best to talk to him, but I can't promise anything," she squeezed Alexis' hand once more and stood up.

"Don't worry, Detective. I've heard you're the best." She could have sworn she saw Alexis wink at her, but she brushed it off and into the study toward his room.

A hot burst of air met her when she entered the room. Beckett stifled a cough as she looked around, gazing at the floor-to-ceiling length bookshelves holding myriad books with well-worn spines. She ran her fingers along them and closed her eyes, imagining having such a complete personal library for her leisure time. She stopped at his desk, glancing at the messy papers scattered upon it

_So this is where the magic happens. _She could take the time to sit in his plush chair, looking out over his mahogany desk and the fancy pens and paperweights littering its surface, learning a bit more about the man behind the door to her left. But she was here for him, not the idea of him.

She turned and strode to where the wooden door was threateningly closed, and from what Alexis said, locked.

Beckett took a deep breath and knocked once to no answer. Never one for patience, she knocked 3 times again, this time harder.

"Alexis, leave me be. I don't want you to see me like this." Kate paused, but then knocked again and said,

"It's not Alexis, Castle. It's Detective Beckett. Open the door." Again she got no answer.

"Rick, open the door, please," she tried again, only softly this time.

"Go away," he shouted miserably, and she growled in annoyance. However, she wasn't about to back down.

"Castle, open the damn door or I'll break it down," she waited, and counted to ten. When it sounded like there was no life on the other side, she took a deep breath and violently kicked open the door, sending the metal lock flying across the room.

The first thing she took in was the heat. It was smothering in there. The second was the smell. It smelled stale and of alcohol, with a mixture of sweat and salt. That was when she saw him.

He was curled up on the floor, clutching a down comforter in his hands like a little boy. His hair was a mess and plastered to his forehead in places. An empty bottle of scotch lay on the ground next to him, as well as a broken shot glass. There were bags under his eyes, and his white shirt was soaked through with sweat and alcohol stains. His boxers were wrinkled. He looked pathetic.

She was startled to hear the rumble of him laughing.

"That was hot," he said weakly, and she marched over to him immediately, crouching down and pulling him up by his ear. He yelped in response, but stood to avoid more pain.

"What, forgot your safe word?" she quipped, but her smirk melted as she saw a fresh wave of tears begin to brew. She felt genuine concern for the man, despite his tendency to push her buttons. She'd been in his position before, with no one to help her through it. She made the decision right then to be support for him, and make sure he got through his mother's death, though she was unable to admit to herself the real reason why.

She gently but firmly guided him to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Finding a clean towel from the cabinet above the sink, she placed it in his arms and stepped back.

"Go, shower," she said sympathetically. He just stood there, looking absolutely miserable and fighting tears.

"What, no joke about me joining you? Are you losing your touch?" she teased, but could instantly see now wasn't the time for humor. She looked down at her feet awkwardly. She decided to go for honesty. "It won't change anything, Rick, but I promise you will at least feel a little bit better. Trust me." He nodded mutely, and she moved to go back into the bedroom. She was startled by his hand shooting out and grabbing her wrist. However, he was still silent.

"I'll be right in there, Rick. You shower and then come out and we'll talk." His grip loosened, but she could still see the wild fear in his eyes. Sighing as she realized he was in no state of competence to even undress himself, she walked toward him carefully. She guided him toward the walk in shower and gingerly lifted his shirt over his head. Once he realized what she was doing he seemed to snap out of it and thankfully she didn't have to take off his boxers for him. Though he was standing in front of her completely naked, she barely noticed. There was only compassion and concern in what she felt, and she knew now wasn't the time to be sexual. She pushed him gently into the stream of the water.

"Will you be all right in there?" she asked, but she wasn't patronizing or thinking of him like a child. She had felt exactly what he was feeling now, and been in the same state of mind. She knew from experience he was completely numb.

He nodded, and she once again moved to leave.

"Stay," he called out, his voice hoarse. And without a moment's hesitation she agreed, sitting herself on the closed lid of the toilet and listening to the steady stream of the shower hitting the tiles and his tired body. She watched with a caring eye as he washed his hair and body, looking over every once in a while to her position by the sink to make sure she was still there. She smiled sadly, but reassuringly every time.

She saw him turn off the water, and she held out the soft green towel for him to step into. He accepted it gratefully, and they walked together back into his room.

She picked out a baggy t-shirt and a pair of boxers for him from his drawers as if she had done it a million times. He shucked the towel and put them on, then sat on his bed. Up until this point, Kate had been so sure of herself, so certain she was doing the right thing. However, she couldn't help but feel uneasy and confused as to whether she should sit beside him on such an intimate place as his bed at this time. Then his eyes sought out hers, and they locked. Blue met green, and she could only see trust and the need for reassurance and comfort in his. That was when she knew, she couldn't leave even if she wanted to.

She made her way over to the bed, and sat down on it. She scooted back until she was propped up against the headboard. Wordlessly, she pulled him down so his head rested on her chest. Sensing he was too tired to talk, she reached down and slid her fingers between his. She squeezed tightly, and was relieved to feel him squeeze back.

With her other hand resting in his hair, they let the joy and comfort that came naturally with their closeness lull them both to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed, followed, and/or favorited this story! I'm glad the premise isn't too out-there and you're willing to give it a chance! Still more twists to come… maybe some more familiar faces, maybe some new ones ;) Is that vague enough? Ha.**

**Also, Happy Castle Monday! Hope you enjoyed the end of the two parter (HOLY CRAP)! I love dark Castle episodes. And Dark!Castle episodes, actually.**

**All right, here's Chapter 4. Don't forget to let me know what you think!**

**Chapter 4**

Kate awoke to sun streaming through the curtains. For a moment she forgot where she was in a panic. It took her a few seconds to gain her bearings, and realize she was not in her own bed nor was she in her apartment.

Hearing a slight snort, she looked over to see Richard Castle sleeping soundly next to her. Sometime during the night he had ended up encircling his arms around her waist, and now it was her head resting on his chest. To an outside observer, Rick was the comforter and Kate the comfortee. She twisted a little to get comfortable, and Rick's arm tightened around her protectively. She smiled blissfully. He had been a great lover.

Suddenly she felt disgusted with herself after the events of the night before came back. The man could barely undress himself, and you're having sexual thoughts about him? She shook her head a little, and felt Rick stir in his sleep.

"Kate?" he asked groggily, with a hint of desperation in his voice. She smiled reassuringly and squeezed their intertwined hands together.

"I'm here." He sat up then, untangling their limbs. She sat up too and unclasped their hands.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, and he nodded.

"As okay as I can be, considering." She hummed in understanding.

"I can go make you and Alexis some breakfast."

"I'm not hungry," he snapped, and then his eyes widened in reaction to his tone.

"I'm sorry," he said "I shouldn't have-"

"No, I get it," Kate said firmly. "I know you didn't mean to snap, and I know that eating is the last thing on your mind right now, but believe me when I say you need to take care of yourself. That's the only way you'll make it through this." Rick frowned but nodded.

"I'll eat in a little bit, but can we stay in bed for a little bit longer and just lie here?" She acquiesced and laid back down next to him.

Once they were settled she spoke timidly.

"I know this is hard, and I know that it feels like no one in the world could possibly understand what you're going through… I know because I went through the same thing when I was 19," she paused as she felt him stiffen beside her.

"My mother was murdered on her way to dinner with me and my father. That's why I became a Detective." She paused again and took a deep, shuddering breath. Even after all these years it was still painful for her to talk about. "They never found her killer, but I can promise you, Rick, that I will do everything to find your mother's killer. I won't give up. And I'm here for you, if you need someone who understands." She stopped then and bit her lip, waiting for his response. They sat for several minutes in silence, and she could feel the tension in her body growing as she worried she must have said something wrong.

As the sun grew brighter through the curtain, she heard him say in an emotional voice, so soft she almost missed it, "Thank you." And she knew he meant it.

They lay there for what seemed like hours in comfortable silence until he spoke again.

"I had babysitters a lot." She looked up at his face, expecting to see tears but surprised to see him smiling. "She had to work as an actress my whole life…. Well, before I could support myself. She worked long hours, and we still never had any money, and I always knew she had to. I always knew she did it for me, and that.. and that she loved me." Kate knew this was a big step in his grieving process, and that he must really trust her to be telling her this. She also knew how hard it was after such a short time since her murder to be talking about his mother, so she laid a hand on his arm and began tracing patterns up and down so he could have physical evidence of her support.

"She'd say to me, 'The world's a tough place, kiddo, and I may have to work harder now that there's two of us, but life's been much easier since you came into it.'" They both chuckled a bit at that.

"She would throw these huge parties on school nights, be up for hours drinking and singing Broadway tunes at the top of her lungs. But I loved it. I'd be right there, playing the piano parts and singing along with them. She always thought I'd follow in her footsteps and get into acting,"" he smirked then, "but it's totally her fault I'm a mystery writer. When I was eight she bought me a collection of Sherlock Holmes stories. I'd only been reading for four years, and any normal parent would expect their eight year old to be reading picture books or fluff pieces. 'Not my son,' she told my teacher. 'He has a flair for the dramatic and the gruesome, just like his mother.' This made me determined, and I finished the collection in a week. I started making up my own mysteries and crime scenes, even figured out how to make fake blood, which was a food coloring disaster. The next week I found a blank leather notebook on my pillow and a fancy ballpoint pen, and I've never been the same since." It was then that the inevitable tears came, and Kate shifted so she could hold him in her arms. She rocked him back and forth, whispering "It's okay, let it out," into his soft brown hair. She stroked his back, and covered him with her body as if protecting him from the outside. She could feel tears soaking her clothes from yesterday, but she didn't care. He needed this, and she was going to give it to him.

After he had cried for a good while, the tears seemed to simmer. She sensed a change in the mood, so she gently untangled herself from him and stood up, offering him her hand.

"Breakfast," she explained, and she was relieved to see him take her hand, and together they walked into the hallway, down the stairs, and into the kitchen.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Kate was surprised to see Alexis sitting at one of the stools, though she shouldn't have been. She could tell the girl and her father cared deeply for each other, and the teen had been so worried about him the night before.

"Dad! Kate!" she exclaimed, and launched herself at the Detective who gave out an ungraceful _Oof!_

"Thank you," Alexis whispered in her ear as she squeezed her tightly. She then gave her dad a similar hug, though theirs lasted a bit longer.

"I'm sorry," her Dad said honestly. "I just didn't want you to see me so… broken. I'm sorry if I scared you Sweetie."

"Dad, you were grieving. You'd just lost your mother," Alexis said maturely. "I don't expect you to be strong all the time. And I'm grieving too. We all loved Gram." She looked toward Kate with a twinkle in her eye.

"I'm glad Kate fixed you though." Kate blushed and cleared her throat.

"I just did what I wished someone had done for me. It was nothing." She was surprised to feel Rick's arm snaking around her waist from behind. He squeezed her hip and lowered his head to kiss her forehead. She felt a jolt of electricity from where his lips had touched her, and she briefly wondered if he'd felt it too.

"No, Kate, it was _everything_. Thank you." And though they were few, those words were enough.

Kate nonchalantly made her way over to the cabinets and found what she was looking for gradually.

"Kate, what are you doing?" Alexis asked curiously.

"Making you both a big, healthy breakfast," she said matter-of-factly.

"I'm not hungry," the two Castles stated in unison.

"You may not think you are, but this will help keep your strength up, believe me," she said.

"I don't think I can keep anything down," Alexis said doubtfully.

"Even so, I expect at least half of your plate to be gone… _both of you.__"_

"Yes, Mom," Castle quipped, and she was relieved to see a little spark back in his blue eyes.

"So what are you making?" Alexis asked as Kate cracked a few eggs into a bowl and checked on something frying in the pan.

"Yeah, Chef Beckett," Rick added.

"Bacon and French toast. Weird combination, I know, but they're the only things I could make with the ingredients you had."

"Oooo!" Rick exclaimed, and tried to sneak a piece of the now cooked bacon off a plate.

"Paws off, Mr. I'm Not Hungry!" Kate exclaimed, holding the spatula like she would a lethal weapon. When Rick attempted to sneak another piece when she wasn't looking, he yelped in surprise as she brought the spatula down on his hand swiftly and violently. Alexis giggled, and her dad whispered to her loudly so Kate could hear,

"Don't want to piss this one off. She kicked down my door last night. And I saw her kick a guy's ass once."

"Watch your language Mister," Kate warned as Alexis looked at her in awe, though she couldn't help but smirk.

When they sat down to eat at the table, Alexis picked at her food with her fork.

"Come on, Honey," Kate urged. "You've got to eat something. You'll feel better." Alexis shook her head tearfully. Baby steps, Kate told herself, and then remembered something her mom would do when she was a kid, though much younger than Alexis.

"Just take at least 4 bites for me, that's all I ask. Then you don't have to eat anything if you don't want to." She could feel Rick's eyes on her, but she didn't look at him. She focused on Alexis and watched as the girl took a tentative bite of French Toast. She chewed slowly, and then took another bite. Kate watched as she then ate a whole piece of bacon.

"So… how did you guys really meet?" Alexis asked innocently. Kate felt her face flush as Rick choked on the piece of food he was eating. "No offense Kate, but that restaurant line was really lame.""

"Um," Kate stuttered, suddenly at a loss for words.

"We met at a club," Rick blurted out. "And then we slept together." Kate was absolutely mortified, and instinctively punched Rick hard in the arm.

"What?!" He exclaimed. "We have a very open relationship. And she asked!" Kate couldn't help but cover her face in her hands.

"It's okay, Kate," Alexis said, though she was wrinkling her nose.

"No it's not," Kate protested, finally looking up from her hands. "I'm sorry, Alexis. No one should have to hear that from their parents.""

"Believe me, growing up with him _and _my Gram I heard it plenty," Alexis smiled sweetly. "While sometimes it bothers me, I've grown used to it, and now that I'm older I'm _not_ stupid. I know my dad's a man whore."

"Hey!" Rick exclaimed, offended. Alexis continued on as if she hadn't heard him.

"I'm just surprised… I mean, you're not like the other ones."

"The other what?" Kate asked cautiously.

"The other women. They're usually fake blonde bimbos who are only after him for his money. They go running at the mention of his teenage daughter. But you… you're not like that at all."" Kate was silent, unsure of how to interpret this awkward discussion. Alexis took another few bites of her French toast and another piece of bacon, then pushed back her chair and made her way to the stairs.

"You're good for him," she said finally, before disappearing up the stairs and to her room.

"I'm sorry," Rick said immediately.

"For what?" Kate snapped. "The fact that you blatantly told your daughter we had a one night stand of hot, steamy sex or the fact that I'm not a blonde bimbo?" Rick winced.

"I deserved that."

"Yes, you did. And if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'll shoot you." She said that with the utmost serious expression, so Rick had no choice but to believe her. She stood up angrily and took the plates to the sink. She began to wash them furiously, squeezing the dish soap bottle so hard that soap squirted onto the wall.

"You don't have to do that," he said quietly, having snuck up on her from behind.

"I want to," she shot back.

"Are you one of those people who obsessively cleans when they're mad?" he asked, half-seriously and half-playfully. She just glared at him, but then a few moments later her gaze softened.

"Just another layer of the Beckett Onion," she said. Smirking, he reached down and pinched her butt, causing her to yelp and almost drop the dish she was holding.

"I can't wait to peel more layers off you," he whispered in her ear, and then walked away. She groaned.

"I totally asked for that."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey! Thanks as always for the feedback. I love hearing from you. Here's a longer chapter than usual! :)  
xo Molly**

**Chapter 5**

After she finished cleaning the dishes and the kitchen counters from breakfast she found him in his study, staring sadly at a picture of his mother from her younger days.

"She's beautiful," Kate said softly. If he was surprised by her presence, he gave no sign. He placed the picture back lovingly and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, she was." He heard the jangle of her car keys in her hand and looked up at her, a hint of disappointment in his eyes. "You're leaving?"

"Well, I'm going back to my apartment to change, and then I'm going into work." He nodded mutely and looked down at some papers on his desk. "But I might be able to use a consultant on the case… maybe a crime writer? Who happened to know the vict… Martha Rogers?" His eyes lit up immediately.

"Really?" he asked disbelievingly. "You'd let me help?" Kate shrugged nonchalantly.

"It's the least I could do… it's what I wish I'd been able to do with my mother's murder. Besides, maybe you'll surprise me and be helpful." In a flash she had twisted his nose.

"Apples! Apples!" he exclaimed in a nasal voice.

"There's the Castle I lo-" she trailed off awkwardly and cleared her throat, releasing his nose. They looked into each other's eyes for a good moment, then looked away.

"I'll be by to pick you up at 10," she said, to which he protested vehemently.

"Why don't _I _get to drive?" he whined. She shook her head.

"You're lucky I don't have my gun on me." He laughed which caused her to smile a little, though she desperately tried to hide it.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. She nodded curtly, and then walked toward the front door.

"Bye, Alexis!" she called, but only heard loud music in response.

"10 oclock!" She shouted at Rick one more time. He gave her a cheeky salute, to which she rolled her eyes and walked out the door.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Of course he was late. She sat in the parking lot and honked the horn for the fifth time. Looking at her dad's watch, she sighed as she saw it was 10:20. She picked up her cell phone and punched in his number only to be jolted by the sound of the car door opening.

"Sorry I'm late," he said apologetically. "Alexis was having a bit of a meltdown about me leaving." Kate snapped her cell phone shut, feeling a little guilty at being angry with him before.

"Is she-"

"She's okay," he cut her off. "Just had to give her a pep talk. Tell her I was helping you find my mother's killer."" He was silent for a few moments.

"We'll find him, Rick," Kate assured him.

Halfway to the precinct she had to slap his hand away as he started fiddling with the radio.

"My car, my music," she ground out.

"Touchy," he quipped, but threw his hands in the air and settled back into his seat.

When they arrived in the precinct they were greeted by Ryan and Esposito.

"What's the Writer Monkey doing here?" Esposito growled. Both him and Ryan simultaneously crossed their arms and stared him down. Castle gave a cheeky wave at Ryan, who, to his benefit, didn't even bat an eyelash.

"Castle's helping with the case," Kate said, pretending not to notice.

"Whoa whoa whoa, you mean writer boy is actually 'helping' us? Like a shadow?"

"I prefer to think of it as a 'consultant,'" Castle butted in. Esposito continued on,

"And on his own mother's case? Are you sure that's a good idea, Boss?" Kate threw down the paperwork she was shuffling in her hands.

"Key word there Esposito, _boss_. He's on the case whether you like it or not."

"Montgomery's not gonna like it either," Ryan mumbled.

"What was that, Honey Milk?"

"Say Bro, didn't Lanie need us down in the morgue?" Esposito said to Ryan.

"I'm not sure I was included in that booty call," Ryan said skeptically, only to be kicked in the shin. "Oh, right, she needed to tell us about that thing."

"Yeah, that thing," Esposito said. "That case thing." The two men shuffled awkwardly toward the elevator.

"Beckett," Ryan said by way of parting with a nod.

"Are they always like that?" Rick asked when they had gone.

"If you mean meddlesome and annoying, then yes," Kate shot back. She pulled out a pen and began jotting down a few notes. After a few moments, she threw it down and glared at him.

"What?" Rick asked innocently.

"Quit watching me. It's creepy." He huffed and looked toward the break room. He gave an over-exaggerated sniff in the air, and immediately his eyes lit up.

"Coffee!" he exclaimed, and scurried off. Moments later, he returned with two cups, setting one down in front of Kate. He took a big sip of his own, and immediately spit it out all over the floor.

"Castle!" she barked. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"This coffee tastes like watered down dog shit! No, this won't do. This won't do at all." He immediately began messing around with an amazon app on his iPhone. "Would you prefer an espresso or cappuccino machine? Ooo, wouldn't it be cool to have a snow cone machine in here too?!" Kate immediately grabbed his phone from him and threw it in a drawer in her desk, locking the drawer with a key from her keychain.

"You can have it back once you behave and _let me get some work done._"

"But Miss Beckett," he whined. "I thought being a Detective would be cooler than this… you know… more exciting!"" She rolled her eyes.

"Just let me finish up this paperwork and then we'll head to the murder board. Maybe you'll find that more exciting."

"Are there guns involved?"

"Only if you piss me off." That shut him up.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

She stood in front of a giant white board, biting her lip.

"This isn't very high tech," Rick pouted as he came up behind her. His eyes widened as he caught sight of the picture of his mother.

"Well, we can't all be world famous writers," Kate offered in response, jotting down a few notes in blue marker.

"So what have we got?" Rick asked, squinting to read her handwriting. Kate pointed with the marker to a picture of a skinny looking white man, who seemed to have eyeliner on.

"We've got 3 suspects so far. Paul LaVere is the writer of a play your mother is currently in. Witnesses saw him and Martha arguing about rewriting a scene her character's in. She wanted a bigger role, and kept improvising the lines. Paul was heard telling her, ''You rewrite my script and I'll kill you.' Ryan and Esposito are bringing him in to be interviewed now." Rick's hands clenched into fists at his side.

"My mother would have probably made his play better… it sounded like a pile of crap anyway. Why would he kill her over that?"

"Relax, Rick. We've got no hard evidence that he actually killed her. He's just an initial suspect. Wait until you've got all of the information before accusing him." When she noticed he wasn't calming down, and he seemed to be clenching his jaw spastically, she put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. Her touch had the desired effect, and she continued on.

"Rebecca Lewis was the lead in the play Martha was in. Some of her other cast mates said Rebecca was getting angry at Martha for counseling her on how to act her role. They said Rebecca got so angry that she slashed Martha's tires after one rehearsal."

"I remember that," Rick said gravely. "She said it was random. I wanted to call the police, but she convinced me not to."

"Lanie's running forensics to see if the knife used to slash the tires is the same knife used to… um… kill your mother." She wrote a note in blue under Rebecca's picture, and continued on to a picture of an older man.

"That's Chet!" Rick exclaimed.

"Yes, Chet Hanson, Martha's old high school sweetheart." Rick gazed at the picture and then turned angrily to Kate.

"Why would you think Chet would hurt her? They had just reconnected… Alexis and I thought they might be dating again." Kate smiled sadly but was still in professional mode.

"The night of her murder, Martha and Chet were spotted at a cast party. Her friends said they had a bit to drink, and seemed happy… until around midnight. Apparently they went off to a corner and seemed to be in a heated discussion. The guests said they started arguing and yelling at each other very loudly. Martha tried to storm off but Chet grabbed her wrist. Lanie says there are bruises on her body that are in the shape of a hand print. Chet practically dragged her out of the party, and no one has seen him since then. We sent uniforms to his apartment, but he hasn't been back since before the party."

"Chet couldn't do this," Rick told her. "You must be wrong. My mother thought the world of him."

"He may not have," Kate assured him. "We'll just have to get concrete evidence to suggest otherwise. Right now he's our best bet."" They sat staring at the murder board a while more.

"Hey, is there a Richard Castle here?" a young delivery boy shouted as he made his way through the precinct. Kate's head whipped toward Castle. She fixed him with a disapproving glare.

"What did you do?" she said in a low, menacing voice. Rick held up his iPhone and what looked to be a skeleton key.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…"

"Shame on_ you!__"_Kate growled, leaning forward to twist his ear again but he saw it coming this time and jumped out of her reach. She wouldn't give up though, and soon he found himself dodging her between desks.

"Castle, come back here!" A low buzz of gossip seemed to follow them as they ran around the desks and bumped into a few detectives. He always managed to keep a desk length away from her though as he hopped around the room laughing.

"Don't tell me that's a freaking snow cone machine!" He grinned and stuck out his tongue. "What are you, _ten?_!""

"10 year olds don't drink espresso, Detective… or they shouldn't!" He ducked as she threw a pen at him. ""Come on, try it.. you'll love it! You'll love me!" She stood, stunned, just long enough for Castle to dart past her into the break room where the box was waiting for him.

"Castle!" she shouted, and stormed into the break room, only to run straight into Captain Montgomery.

"Beckett!" he barked, leading Castle out by his collar. "Who is _this_?" She faltered and backed away.

"Well, Sir,"

"And don't tell me Richard Castle! Maybe you'd like to refer to him as the victim's son instead?"

"Sir, I can explain-"

"I'll explain," Rick cut in. "I'm a crime novelist, and I'm working on a new series. In addition to wanting to do some research by shadowing New York's finest Detective here, I of course wanted to help in any way I can find my mother's murder."

"Castle-" Kate warned, seeing this line of reasoning was only making the Captain angrier. Montgomery gripped Rick's collar tighter and raised him off the ground a bit.

"I spoke to the Mayor," he said, his words coming out in quick breaths. "I told him you're the best precinct so I wanted to follow you, and he agreed this would bring good publicity to the city's public workers."

"The mayor?" The Captain asked disbelievingly.

"Uh huh," Rick squeaked out, even having the nerve to smirk.

As if on cue, the Captain's phone rang in his office. He looked angrily between Kate and his office for a moment, before releasing Rick and stalking off toward his office.

"You didn't," Kate said threateningly.

"Hey, I saved your ass, just watch," Rick said smugly. He walked over to the new addition to the break room and moments later held a cup out to Kate.

"Coffee? Let me rephrase that, _good_ coffee?" She pushed the mug away and jumped as the Captain's voice boomed behind her.

"Castle, you're with Beckett for this case as a test. If you pass, we'll talk about more."

"More?!" Kate exclaimed. She turned to face the Captain as her eyes widened. "Sir-"

"The way I see it, Beckett, Castle just saved your ass from _me_. But next time he won't if you don't do what I say and keep me in the loop." She could only nod as the Captain turned away. She could only stare disbelievingly as Castle ran out of the break room after the Captain with a mug in his hands.

"Captain, you've _got_ to try this espresso!"

An hour later, Kate stopped abruptly outside the interrogation room, causing Rick to crash into her from behind.

"Nuh uh, you go in _there_!" she exclaimed, pointing her finger toward the observation room with Ryan and Esposito smirking at him.

"What? No way! I'm coming in with you to interrogate this asshole! I'm your shadow, remember?"

"You're also my responsibility, which means we play it my way." She pushed against his chest, propelling him backwards towards the other doorway.

"Baby, we'll play it any way you want," he purred, catching her hand in his grip as she tried to push him again. He wasn't expecting her wrist to go limp in his grip as she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, causing his eyes to darken with desire,

"Good, 'cause I don't play by the rules,"

"Ooo, are you the bad cop?" he whispered, loving every second of her body being pressed against his. In a swift move she twisted his arm behind his back and shoved him into the observation room.

"Have fun, boys," she gave her signature eye roll and strode into the interrogation room where Paul LaVere was waiting, completely missing the mischievous grins Ryan and Esposito gave each other like Cheshire Cats as each grabbed one of Castle's arms and slammed him down in a chair. The two room's doors slammed shut simultaneously.

"Paul LaVere," Kate said strongly, circling the pale, skinny man like she was a vulture and he was her prey. "Two DUIs, one count of assault, two drug convictions, and to top it off, you've been a suspect in an unsolved murder case." The man began to shake. He put his head in his hands.

"Look," he said hoarsely. "I don't know what you think I did, but I didn't do it. All those counts were back when I was a kid on the streets of Philly. I was young, brick stupid, and I didn't have a passion."

"Sounds like you had a passion for crime," Kate said wryly, arching her eyebrow perfectly.

"That was all before I met Marty," he said desperately. "I swear I'm not into that junk anymore."

"Who's Marty?" Kate asked.

"He came to the Shelter one time. Said we could make something of ourselves. Noticed that I liked to read. He'd buy me books… but not the books I usually read. Stuff like Shakespeare and shit. Said I could write my own stuff. Said I could get out of this life… he had contacts."

"And so you had a change of heart, started to write, and suddenly became a New York City playwright?" She leaned forward, placing both hands on the table.

"Look, I'm not a bad person. I just took the wrong path for a while. I'd written since I was a kid… and once I wanted to change, my family said they'd let me move back," he smiled a little then, and shook his head. "Said if I wanted to be a playwright, then I could be. Marty got me a scholarship thingy… Paid for me to go to school. I mean, I don't write like Shakespeare or nothin', but I've done a few good plays in my day. Enough to make them proud."

"Touching," Kate said, and she did feel a twinge of interest. However, her job wasn't to be his buddy. She had to play a hardass cop to interrogate a potential suspect.

"Tell me about Martha Rogers." She watched as Paul's eyes widened.

"What, that bitch? What did she say I did?" Kate opened her mouth to speak, but she was interrupted by a loud bang on the glass and a muffled voice that sounded suspiciously like Castle's. She waited, and like clockwork, a few seconds later she heard a body being slammed into the glass and then dragged away. She put on a forced smile, and continued.

"Martha's dead, Paul." She looked carefully for signs of shock or guilt. All she saw was Paul's face fall as his whole body seemed to slump.

"Guess I have to find a new actress for the role…" He jumped as Kate's hands slammed on the table.

"Someone's dead, Paul, _murdered_, and all you're concerned about is replacing her role? Sounds like a cold hearted murderer to me." Paul jumped up, throwing his hands wildly in the air as if he were on fire.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" he said. "Murdered?! And you think I did it? No way, no way!" Kate remained unmoved and pounded on the table again.

"Sit down, Paul. Witnesses said they saw you yelling at her for improvising her lines. Told her, 'You rewrite my script and I'll kill you.' Does that sound familiar?" The man sat down again and shook his head in shock.

"Yeah, all right, I said it, but I didn't actually mean I'd kill her! I meant I'd kill her role!" Kate looked at him skeptically. He nodded his head quickly. "Yeah! She was givin me so much trouble I was gonna write her role outta the play! Kill Grandma Suzanne in Act I instead of Act III!" Kate shook her head, and begrudgingly realized it made sense.

"Where were you on the night of September 3rd at 2:00 AM?"

"I was at the cast party… Martha was there too for a while, left with that boyfriend of hers. If you ask me, you should ask that guy about whackin her! He was yelling at her, grabbing her arm! Everyone at the party saw it!"

"What were they fighting about?" Kate asked. Paul shook his head.

"I couldn't tell ya."

"Do you have any idea who could?"

"No, none of us could hear em over the music. Showtunes and shit… it was loud. Just could tell they were shouting. And he was mad."

"Can anyone confirm you were there at 2?" Kate asked for the last time. Paul thought for a moment and nodded.

"Yeah, ask any of the cleaning crew I hired. I was there helping them clean up until 3. I could give you their number."

"Thank you, Mr. LaVere."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Meanwhile, in the observation room, Ryan and Esposito were literally holding Rick down to the chair.

"I'm going to hurt him! He called my mother a bitch!" Earlier, when Rick had escaped their clutches and banged on the mirror, it'd taken them a few seconds to slam him against the wall and throw him into the chair again. Now, the two detectives stood guard over him, eager to not make the same mistake of not keeping an eye on him again.

"Did you hear him, Bro? He's got an alibi." Esposito patted Rick on the arm, a little harder than friendly.

"Yeah, a shitty one! He could have paid the cleaning crew to cover for him!" Ryan and Esposito shared a glance.

"You think this is a good time to give him 'the talk,' Bro?" Esposito asked Ryan.

"I don't know, you think he's ready, Esposito?"

"Do we care if he's ready?" The two detectives shared a cheeky grin. Without warning, they collectively hauled Castle out of the chair and against the far wall with a cracking sound that made Rick grimace.

"What gives, guys? I'm observing the murderer interrogation here!"

"He's not guilty," Ryan and Esposito said at the same time.

"Look, Richard Castle," Ryan began, "We may not know your favorite food, or your favorite color,"

"Or your favorite dinosaur, or how many bugs you ate when you were little," Esposito added thoughtfully.

"But frankly, we don't care. We know everything else about you."

"We know you got a 78 on your driver's license test, we know you've been married-"

"And divorced," Ryan cut in.

"Twice, we know you're a rich playboy who throws away women, and signs their chests, and steals police horses-"

"Buck naked," Ryan added.

"And we know you're after Kate Beckett." The boys paused for dramatic effect. Rick's eyes watered as they widened. Ryan picked up where Esposito left off.

"We also know the best way to kill someone and hide a body. We know the most painful places to shoot-"

"Or stab," Esposito cut in.

"-a person, and we are not afraid to do whatever possible to protect Katherine Beckett." The room was silent as they heard the door to the interrogation room open, and Rick was relieved to see Kate leading Paul LaVere out into the precinct. The boys exchanged glances.

"You will not hurt her," they said in unison, and then released him as suddenly as they had grabbed him. They made a show of dusting off their jackets, and Rick could have sworn he saw them do a secret handshake or something.

"I think I just peed a little," he squeaked. Esposito looked back as Kate walked into the room, blissfully unaware of what had just taken place. He leaned toward Rick so Kate couldn't hear.

"This is nothing compared to what my girlfriend can and will do."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"What's wrong?" Kate asked when they were all alone in the room. Rick was surprised and a little giddy to see genuine concern in her eyes.

"Oh nothing, just some first interrogation jitters, you know." Kate laughed in response and shook her head. He watched, mesmerized, as her golden brown waves of hair fell across her face. He fought the urge to reach out and tuck a piece behind her ear.

"Well, he didn't do it. I'll have Esposito and Ryan check with the cleaning crew to make sure, but I've got a gut feeling."

"What happened to concrete evidence?" Rick asked. She just gave him a coy smile and led the way out into the precinct. They passed a few detectives who gave them curious glances after their playful chase through the precinct earlier. He followed her into the break room, and turned around in surprise as she shut the door.

"I know it must have been hard to sit behind the glass, seeing a man who could have killed your mother," she said softly. His heart melted, and he nodded as he felt moisture gather in his eyes.

"When he said those horrible things about her, I wanted to kill him," he said, shaking his head. He looked up to see Kate give him a knowing smile, as if she knew more than what she was letting on.

"Eh, well Ryan and Esposito certainly kept you in check." He almost choked on his coffee and had to remember to breathe.

"Yes, they most certainly did," he said bitterly. He began making another cup of espresso.

"Come on, Kate, you've got to try some of this stuff. I promise you'll like it. You'd be surprised. Please?" She glared at him and began to walk out of the room. He followed her, bringing the steaming cup with him. She made her way to the murder board.

"What, do you have some sort of sick fetish for people drinking your coffee?" she quipped, but he ignored her.

"Come on, don't you trust me?" the air in the room seemed to change at the moment. Her eyes snapped to him and he closed his mouth immediately, frozen in the middle of the room with a cup of coffee meant for her, and only her.

"You have to earn my trust," she said finally, and then turned back to the picture of his mom.

He watched silently as she reached up and removed the picture of Paul LaVere.

"I know you don't want to believe this," she said as if they hadn't just had a serious conversation. "But all signs point to Chet."" Rick immediately racked his brain for another explanation. He knew his mother had fallen hard for Chet again, and she would be appalled at him for even considering Chet could do her harm.

"It's not him," he said. "I just know it." Kate scoffed in response.

"How is that concrete?"

"Call it a gut feeling." He watched in satisfaction as her mouth opened and closed a few times. She turned back to the murder board, clearly frustrated. "Besides," he added. ""There's still this Rebecca character." Kate nodded and sighed.

"Forensics came back, and they were two different knives. We got a warrant to search Rebecca's apartment, and we'll interview her tomorrow, but I don't know if anything will turn up.

"Tomorrow?" Rick exclaimed. "My mother's killer is out there and you're waiting to interview a prime suspect until _tomorrow!__""_

"Calm down, Rick!" Kate said. "These things take time. Besides, it's 6:00 already. You should go home, relax, have dinner with Alexis. She needs you." She tried to turn away and brush him off but he pushed himself in front of her.

"What are you doing?" he asked forcefully.

"I'm staying here later to catch up on a few more leads." She knew she'd said the wrong thing once Rick got a determined look in his eye. He plopped down in a chair next to her and crossed his arms.

"If you're staying then I am too." Kate almost growled in frustration and shot up in her chair. She was fuming.

"Why do you always have to be so God damned difficult? Go home! There's nothing for you to do here!" When she saw this wasn't getting to him, she calmed herself down and decided to go for a different approach.

"Rick, don't be like my dad was when my mom died. Alexis needs you. She lost someone important too. You can't shut her out." Afraid this didn't work either, she sighed and turned away, walking toward her desk, about to give up.

"Kate," she heard. She turned to see him looking at her with wet, sad eyes. "If I'm going home, you should too. Come to the loft. Alexis would love for you to be there, and so would I. I'll make the food this time. It will just be the three of us." She bit her lip. Her first instinct was to give in, let loose. She wanted to go home with him and his daughter, eat dinner and laugh. It would be much less lonely than going home to her empty apartment, ordering Chinese, and watching a cheesy Lifetime movie. Yet she found she couldn't just give in. She'd been hurt too many times, lost too many relationships. She didn't want that to happen again, and if she was honest with herself, Richard Castle was dangerous. She'd always been a bit of a fangirl, since her mother died. His books helped her through the toughest time in her life. However, she was not one of those fangirls who immortalized the author because of his works. Over the years, she'd heard of his flaws, of his flings, his divorces, his one night stands. The ways the girls would throw themselves at him. No, Richard Castle could get along fine without her, and she could get along fine without him.

"Can't, got plans," she offered lamely. She tried not to notice the dejected look on his fallen face. "Thank you, though." Turning before she could change her mind, she went back to her desk and began to work on paperwork.

Half an hour later, she smelled rather than saw a bag of Chinese food being placed on her desk. She looked up.

"At least eat something," he said. "You'll feel better." She smiled a little and took the bag as a peace offering.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "But didn't I tell you to go home?" He nodded, throwing on his jacket and walking toward the elevator.

She thought he was gone, when she felt his hot breath against her ear and shivered.

"What can I say," he whispered. "I don't play by the rules." With that, he was _really _gone.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey! I'm still here. ;) Just had a bit of a whirlwind past couple of weeks to contend with in real life. Thanks for the feedback for the last chapter! You all are the best! I love hearing what you think of this little story, and have gotten some really helpful constructive criticism.**

**So, the story starts to get dark with this chapter. It introduces something pretty important. And I failed to say before, but if Kate seems a little OOC to you, she is not completely the same Kate we know in the show. There's some other stuff in her past she's dealing with in this story, as you'll begin to see with this chapter! Of course, she's still essentially Kate Beckett, so feel free to mention to me if a detail is bothering you about being too OOC or something despite the change in some of her history (keep in mind I haven't revealed everything yet, I need some suspense in this story, hehe). I'm totally okay with that. I like discussing characterization and nerdy English Major stuff. No worries.**

_**Warnings / Potential Triggers for this chapter**_**: Violence, Blood, Panic Attack Described**

**Chapter 6**

Kate finally slipped into bed in the early morning, feeling her tired bones creak in protest. She looked at the clock, feeling a twinge of sadness as she saw it was 2 AM. _Another day without Martha Rogers_, she thought. Sighing, she checked her phone one last time, disappointed to see she had no messages.

_You didn__'__t really expect him to call... or text,_ she told herself. She sunk lower in the bed as she pushed the button to set her alarm for the next morning. Shifting to get comfortable, she declared, _No, he doesn__'__t need you_, she frowned and rolled over on her side, trying to convince herself she was imagining that her pillow smelled a little like him still. _And you don__'__t need him_.

No sooner had she felt her limbs go weak did she get jolted alert by the sound of pounding on her front door. She reached instinctively for her gun.

As she cautiously walked toward the pounding, she felt her heart race. Counting to 3, she swung open the door and found herself pointing a gun at Richard Castle.

"Castle!" she shouted, not lowering the gun. She had half the impulse to just shoot him and go to bed, but then she took in the bags under his eyes and how his face drooped miserably. Under his coat she could see he was in boxers and a thin T-shirt. He looked ridiculous in boxers, Tennis shoes, and a down jacket, but she couldn't blame him for not caring after what he'd been through in the past few days.

"Come in, you must be freezing!" She ushered him in and pulled off his coat. He shivered and she racked her brain for the best place to take him. The only place that made sense was unfortunately the bedroom where they had first made love.

She led him into her bedroom for a second time in the past few days and pushed him down on the bed. Grateful that he didn't seem to notice or at least acknowledge the significance, she took off his shoes and pulled the covers around him. He shivered again. She touched his hand, alarmed to feel his skin was ice cold.

"Damnit, Castle." It was then that she noticed she was only in a skimpy see through tank top and girl boxers. _Here goes nothing._ She climbed into bed beside him, got under the covers, and rubbed her hands up and down his arms. She encircled her arms around him and put her head on his chin. He shivered again, but she was sure he was warm now.

"You're thinking too much," she said, and he nodded against the top of her long brown hair.

"I can't help wondering what her last thoughts were… was she scared? Did she die instantly, or did she have time to be in pain? Did her whole life flash before her eyes? Did she think of me and Alexis?"

"Don't," Kate said softly. She squeezed him tighter for emphasis. "You'll drive yourself crazy with those thoughts. It isn't for you to know. Just know that she loved you and your daughter, and she didn't want to leave you willingly." She paused, debating whether she should continue that line of thought.

"She fought," she said, deciding he needed to know, no matter how much pain it would cause him. "Lanie found defensive wounds on her hands. She hit him, maybe even punched him. She kicked him too. She didn't want to leave you, Rick, you have to know that." He nuzzled his face in her hair and hummed.

"Thank you," he said.

"You need to stop thanking me," she said suddenly. "I told you I'm here for you, and I keep my promises. You don't need to thank me. It's my job," she felt him stiffen, and almost regretted lying to him. It was for both of their own goods though, she told herself.

He snorted then.

"I call bull shit. It's not about your job, Kate." He gave the conversation a few moments to sink in before continuing. "It's about who you are as a person. You're strong, brave, compassionate… beautiful… you're extraordinary." He tightened his grip around her. She didn't say anything. She had too big of a lump in her throat that she tried desperately to swallow as she felt tears prick her eyes. Rick seemed to sense she wasn't going to talk, so he just held her until the moment passed.

"I decided who my next character will be," he told her earnestly. She craned her neck to look up at him.

"What about Derrick Storm?" she asked. He laughed. "Oh, Kate. Apparently you're a fan, and I'm afraid I have a spoiler for you. I kill him off in the next book."

"What?!" she exclaimed, almost jumping from his grip. He only laughed more and held her strongly. "How could you kill of Derrick Storm? Isn't that a writer's crime or something?"

"Yeah," he said. "And it's a crime novel, so it's fitting." He felt her heart rate calm down against his hand and he began to stroke her hair soothingly.

"Who's the new guy?" she asked in a small voice. He knew he'd hooked her, but it still made him smirk in pride.

"Well, _she__'__s_ a badass Detective. Beautiful, intelligent, strong… and kinda slutty." He paused and felt his heart beat faster as he felt her chuckle against him.

"Her name's Nikki Heat. I based her off of you," he waited nervously for her response, and was half afraid she'd smack him or pull out her gun again. He wasn't expecting her to hug him tighter.

"I'm not slutty," she yawned.

"I don't know, I'll bet you have a wild side, Kate Beckett. Besides, that red dress that I tore off of you left little to the imagination. Admit it, it was kind of slutty." Ah, there was the punch he'd been expecting. Although he knew she held back so she wouldn't hurt him, it still kind of stung. That woman could pack a punch.

"Lanie made me get that dress," she said, trying to cover up another yawn.

"Remind me to thank her," he said, only half joking.

She was almost asleep when she heard his voice again.

"Kate?"

"Yes, Mr. Chatterbox?" He didn't laugh, so she sobered up. He took a moment before continuing.

"How do you make the pain go away?" She hesitated, her heart breaking. However, she knew from experience the best way to answer was with honesty.

"It never goes away," she told him sincerely. "But it gets better."

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

She was scared. It was familiar to her, for she had this dream for months after she got shot. However, the dream had disappeared, and she naively assumed she was free from the unconscious torment.

It started the same every time. She was in that same, musty warehouse. The wooden walls were dank and rotting. She hoped that if only she could get free of these bonds, the wood would be weak enough she could just break through the walls with her bare hands.

However, her captor had tied her ropes expertly. They were tighter than the metal handcuffs she carried around with her usually.

"Royce!" she called, but to no answer. He must be somewhere else.

She heard someone laughing behind her, but she was bound so tightly to the rusted pole she couldn't turn her head to see who it was.

"Katie," he taunted. "Katie Beckett. Straight out of the Police Academy. Wants so desperately to catch Johanna Beckett's murderer." She could feel his hot breath on her neck, and could smell the faint scent of cinnamon. "Such a beautiful young girl. Such a shame. Such a sad story… Tragedy, really." She twisted in her bonds, feeling the rope pull against her flesh.

The man struck her without warning, and she cried out. She could taste blood in her mouth, but could only see black.

She felt a knife running down her neck, the man's arm circling her from behind.

"Don't," she cried, and he only laughed.

"What do they teach you in Police Academy, Katie? Do they teach you to cry? To say 'DON'T!'" She felt her hot blood running down her shirt. She gasped a little as she felt him lift up her shirt, blasting her stomach with cold air. She couldn't help but scream as he carved into her flesh. It would scar later, a prominent and menacing red 'V' on her hip.

"Do they teach you to beg?" the man growled, laughing. He shook her a little. She felt tears running down her face, but her stubborn determination refused to give into his sick little game.

"I want you to beg, Katie." He hit her again. She bit the inside of her cheek this time to keep from crying out. "This would be so much easier if you begged." He slid the knife down her side.

"Go to hell," she spat, feeling brave. She was only 6 months into her service, but Royce had said she had a fire in her that he rarely saw in his trainees. She found reassurance in this memory.

"Wrong answer Katie," the man laughed. Suddenly, she couldn't feel him on her anymore. She began to relax naively, only to see him standing directly in front of her. His eyes were a cold blue, his gray hair cut neatly atop his head.

"Poor Katie Beckett," he repeated and she almost spit blood in his face. That's when she caught sight of the gun. "Will you beg now, Katie?" In that moment, she felt weak, as weak and helpless as she had ever felt in her life. In that moment she vowed, if she made it out of here alive, she would never let herself feel this helpless again.

Still, despite her determination to defy her captor, she also felt a determination to fulfill this vow and live. Cold fear set in, and she began to shake uncontrollably.

"Please," she began to plead. "Please, just leave me alone."

"Katie, are you begging?"

"Please, you don't have to do this." He only laughed harder.

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, are you begging _me_ to let _you_ live?"

"Yes!" she screamed. "Please." She felt utterly disgusted with herself. She started to sob quietly. Her eyes met the steely eyes of her captor as her vision blurred. She expected to see hatred, or evil in his eyes. Something sinister. Instead, she saw nothing. They were empty.

"Good girl," the man said. "I will let you live." She felt herself relax a little. Her shoulders slumped forward and her sobs lessened. The pain in her hip and her throat increased. The cuts burned, but all she could think was this would be over soon: he would let her live. He smirked and took the safety off the gun. Immediately she tensed.

"But it's still gonna hurt," with that, he fired a shot into her arm. She screamed in fright and she fell back against the pole, feeling a searing pain in her arm.

"Goodbye, Katie," the man said, and he had the nerve to walk forward and leave a kiss on her head.

"We will meet again. I promise." With that, she heard him leave the warehouse. The door slammed, and she heard the sound of a car starting in the distance. When she was sure she was alone, she bit her lip to lessen the pain in her body and focused on her restraints. Trying desperately to ignore the black dots around the edges of her vision, she struggled with the ropes for a good chunk of time before she was able to loosen them. It was then that she took a break, trying to gather her strength so she wouldn't pass out. Right then she was running on pure adrenalin and that only.

She was about to try the ropes again when she looked behind her for the first time. The cocky bastard had left the bloody knife within her reach.

Angry with herself, she strained with her good arm until she caught the knife in her grip. She felt fresh blood from the blade coat her fingers: her blood. She set to work cutting the bonds. At last they fell, and she was free.

She stood up too quickly, and immediately felt dizzy. She gripped the pole that had been part of her restraint just a few minutes ago for support and caught her breath.

"Royce?" she called. He must be in the other room. Or outside. She stumbled toward the old hallway she had seen earlier. "Royce?" she called again. "Can you hear me?" Again she received no response.

Suddenly, the lights flickered off in the warehouse.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, but knew she had to find Royce.

After checking the hallway to no success, she stumbled toward the dim light from a door leading to outside. She swung it open and looked up, seeing a bug-filled porch light blinking above her. She almost cried in relief. She stepped forward, only to be met by resistance. Looking down, she screamed. Crumpled on the ground was a body. _Royce_. His shirt was soaked in blood, as was his hair. His jeans were torn on the leg, revealing a deep gash that was too wide to have been caused by a knife. She checked for a pulse, and she could feel a faint one fading.

"Damnit, Royce!" she bit out into the cold Upstate air. She attempted to roll him over, and when she saw his face, she screamed. Instead of Royce's cold face like she usually saw, she saw Richard Castle's lifeless blue eyes looking into hers.

"Rick!" she screamed hysterically, throwing herself on him. She immediately applied pressure to the gaping wound on his chest. "Don't you die on me, damnit! Stay with me!" Crying, she felt another rush of adrenalin run through her. She felt for his pulse again, only to find it was gone. "No!" she cried. And then, in an unusual twist for the same dream she'd always had, she begged again.

"Please!" she cried. "Please don't leave me… please, Rick, please!" She threw herself against his chest, and suddenly felt a surge of anger. She began beating against his strong chest, punching him over and over.

"Damn you!" she screamed at him. "Don't die on me! Come on!" But all she saw were those cold blue eyes staring at her.

Again, her vision blurred, and she rested her fists for a little, before a fresh surge of fear overtook her. She began punching him again, as hard as she could with her injuries, suddenly confused when she felt strong arms wrapping around her. She fought against them. Surely it was her captor, come back to finish her off after she found Castle's dead body. She broke free with a strength she shouldn't have left, and began hitting him again. There was a loud buzz in her ears, and she couldn't discern any sound from outside. She felt the arms come back, and suddenly she felt a strong grip around her fists, preventing her from hitting him again. The buzz grew louder, and she could make out someone calling her name,

"Kate, Kate!"

"Shut up!" she yelled.

"Kate, wake up! It's only a dream," she heard, and she felt herself thrashing under… a down comforter.

"Kate," she heard the voice say again, and she opened her eyes to see clear blue ones, only they weren't empty. They were filled with fear and concern, for _her_.

"Castle?" she asked timidly. She dropped her fists to the bed, suddenly too tired to hold them up.

"It's me, Kate… it was just a bad dream." She looked around wildly, seeing she was in her bedroom. Castle was sitting up on the bed, grasping her arms in his hands. The bed sheets were tangled and rumpled. She felt her hands frantically doing an inventory of Rick's chest, feeling all over for wounds, for the blood that had covered him only moments before.

"Hey," he said tenderly, stilling her hands in his grasp. "I'm okay, I promise. Everything's okay, Kate, you're fine. It was just a bad dream. And one hell of one if I do say so myself." He laughed a little, and she hit him in the stomach.

"Ow! I'm gonna have like a million bruises there tomorrow, you know. You're too strong for your own good."

"Stop laughing, you asshole!" she yelled. "I thought you were dead! I saw you, on the porch… you died in front of me. I couldn't save you. He made me beg," she began to cry again, shaking uncontrollably. Rick's eyes softened, and he took her in his arms again.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I really am. I just… try to make things better with humor, but it was bad timing, I know."" He began stroking her back calmingly, pulling her close to him as she cried through his shirt. "It's okay, Kate, you're okay. Hush." She held onto him, clutching his shirt tightly in her hands and not wanting to let go readily.

After a good while, she looked at the clock to see if was 4 in the morning.

"Oh God," she groaned.

"Call in," Rick suggested. "Kate, that was not a normal nightmare. I know you don't want to hear this, but that was full-fledged, bad stuff. Have you been having these for a while?" She could tell he was only worried about her, but she couldn't help the flash of annoyance she felt. She buried her face in his chest again, inhaling his unique scent. It calmed her down, and she spoke a muffled,

"Not since a few months after it happened."

"And when was that?" She wanted to make a jab, snap at him and ask when he had become a shrink. However, something held her back. Maybe it was the cold terror she had felt when she saw his lifeless eyes, even if it had just been a terrible nightmare. She didn't want to push him away. She needed him with her then, to reassure her he was okay, that _she _was okay.

"Seven years ago." He was quiet for a little, thinking things through.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." A silence fell over them again. He knew she'd kill him if he pushed but he also knew she shouldn't keep it bottled up.

"Kate, please. You need to talk about it. I know you don't trust me, but I'm worried about you. At least promise you'll talk to someone you trust about it. You can't keep it all inside.

"Castle…"

"Katie," he said warningly. It just slipped out, but he regretted it immediately because of her reaction. She stiffened and began to almost seize in his arms. He felt her tank top grow damp with sweat, and he could feel her taking deep, uneven breaths.

"Kate, breathe! You're having a panic attack. You need to breathe!" She was still gasping for air, and to make matters worse he could feel her body burning up in his arms. Feeling helpless, but not entirely clueless, he threw the covers off of them and scooped her up in his arms,

He carried her small frame to the bathroom, and started running cold water over a washcloth.

"You need to breathe, Honey," he tried again. He pressed the cold washcloth to her forehead, attempting to cool her down before she overheated herself. Her unfocused eyes darted wildly around the room.

He then took her hands in his.

"Look at me, Kate. Kate, look at me," he pleaded. Relieved when her eyes snapped to his, he began to over-exaggerate his breaths. "Come on, breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out." He repeated this for ages, pleased that she seemed to be trying to imitate him. "That's it, Kate, good. In. Out."

Once her breathing evened out, she began to calm down and her eyes fluttered. Rick placed a hand on her forehead, relieved to feel her temperature had gone considerably down. She began to shiver.

"Okay, Kate, you're safe. Everything's going to be okay." She seemed to go limp in his arms, so he picked her up as best as he could and brought her back to her bed. He made a move to go into the other room, but he heard her whimper.

"Oh, Kate, I'm not going anywhere," he assured her. "I promise." He settled into the bed beside her, being sure to keep them divided by a substantial amount of blanket. He listened calmly as her breathing evened out, and she fell asleep again. On the outside he appeared to be cool and collected, but inside he was terrified. She was obviously traumatized by whatever had happened to her seven years ago, and he felt so helpless. He was so worried about her. He cared deeply for her, ever since he had seen her in the club, but even more so since he had gotten to know her. She had helped him so much over the past few days with his mother's death, he felt the need to help her through her demons too. There was something in Katherine Beckett that inspired this primal urge in him, the need to protect her, to care for her… to love her. She was unlike any woman he had ever met before. He'd only known her for 3 days, yet, she had already woven her way into his heart in a way no other woman had.

When he was sure she was fast asleep and dreaming peacefully, he slipped into the other room to make a call.

"Captain speaking," the man said on the other line.

"Captain," Rick greeted.

"Is this an emergency, Mr. Castle? You're lucky I'm an early riser. My wife on the other hand…"

"It kind of is. It's about Kate,"

"Is she all right?" the Captain asked, alarmed.

"Kind of… I know this is going to sound… awkward, but I'd appreciate if you just let it be for now and don't ask questions. I stayed over tonight, platonically, and she had this terrible nightmare. She wouldn't wake up, no matter what I did, and she was screaming in her sleep, punching me and fighting me when I tried to calm her down. I finally got her to wake up when the nightmare was over, but then I accidentally called her 'Katie,'' and for some reason that made it worse. She had a full blown panic attack, and I couldn't get her to breathe for a while. She's okay now, but I don't want her going in to work tomorrow." The Captain let out a deep breath in response.

"You realize she'd kill you if she heard you bossing her around like that?"

"Captain, I'm well aware… but I'm worried for her. This wasn't a normal nightmare.

"Kate's strong, Castle, but she's not invincible. She's… been through a lot. She'll tell you about it when she's ready, but until then, take care of her, all right? Let me know if she needs more time off."

"I will, thank you Captain." They hung up, and Rick went back to Kate's room. She was twisted in the covers again, but this time a blissful smile covered her face. He lay down on the bed beside her, but couldn't fall asleep. Instead, he lay awake, thinking about what could have possibly scarred her so much that she was so afraid to tell him, and fantasizing that he could chase the demons away for her.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Alllll right. Anyone still reading? Hi there! I'm back with another chapter. This one is extra long. **

**Thank you to everyone who left feedback for the last chapter! I appreciate it so much. Reviews really do motivate me to post faster. While I'm not writing this story / posting it only for reviews/follows, I really do enjoy hearing from you all and what you think of the story, and I get so excited that I tend to find the mojo to post more quicker! So please do take a moment to leave a review if you please! :) I'll love you forever (ALWAYSSSS)! Thank you all!**

**And ahhh I can't believe it's the summer hiatus already..! I'm so happy Castle got renewed though! High fives and hugs all around!**

**(Fun fact: When I first wrote the bare bones of this chapter, True Blood Season 3 was airing and I was addicted to it. That's why there's a True Blood reference in here, and it references Season 3 because I have been writing this story a long time! A REALLY long time!)**

**Chapter 7**

She awoke to the smell of blueberry pancakes. At first she thought she must be dreaming… she hadn't had those since her mother had been killed. She coaxed her eyes open and looked around the room. It was morning, she could tell from the sunlight streaming through the curtains… and she felt entirely rested. She stretched a little and yawned, feeling entirely peaceful. Then she looked at her alarm clock.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, and almost fell out of bed. "11:00!" In a frenzy, she threw the covers off, only to stumble over an unfamiliar pair of men's converse. She looked around the room suspiciously, and racked her brain for what had happened last night. It didn't hit her fully, but she remembered bits and pieces of it. She smiled a bit, grateful Castle had been there, though she would never allow herself to admit it to him.

She threw on a robe and walked into the kitchen.

"Castle!" He was standing over her stove, wearing an apron and a ridiculously goofy chef's hat.

"Yes, m'lady?" he said in a funny accent, turning around so Kate could now see his apron said "Hi, I'm Delicious."

"First you show up at my door at 3 in the morning, then you let me wake up alone, late to work, _really_ late to work… and oh my God are those chocolate chips?" She felt her anger melt away. He smiled charmingly at her, obviously trying to get on her good side.

"Don't worry, I called the Captain and got you cleared for today-"

"You _what?!_"

"And you can take more time if needed-"

"What the _hell_ Castle!"

"And you were burning up last night and I had to get your temperature down, and I know you're going to kill me, but if you could do it less painfully and quicker if I told you I was a perfect gentleman and didn't look at your shirt when it was see-through… and a little bird told me you love blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes, so let's eat!" He smirked then at her mouth falling open, and turned back to the food, humming a little tune that sounded strangely like "Let's Get It On.""

She wanted to be angry at him, maybe shoot him a few times, but the gesture of making her her favorite pancakes, the ones that her mother had always made her, made her tear up.

"How many?" Rick asked her.

"Three please." She said. He hesitated.

"Are you sure? I made them kind of big…"

"Give me my damn pancakes, wuss. I eat like a truck driver. Everyone knows that." She laughed at his open mouth now. _Payback_.

"Well in that case, I'll give you four." He placed a big plate in front of her, along with a bowl of fresh strawberries.

"Where'd you get all this stuff? I certainly didn't have anything edible in this apartment last time I checked. Did you go grocery shopping?" She took a huge bite of a pancake and moaned in satisfaction.

"Uh, no," he stammered. "I had Alexis drop off a few ingredients from the house," he paused, "I didn't want to leave you alone." He winced then, as if expecting an ear twist. Instead, she patted him affectionately on the shoulder.

"I think it's sweet, Castle, thank you."

They ate in comfortable silence. They sipped their orange juice and exchanged familiar glances every once in a while.

After they'd both finished, Rick took their plates to the sink and began cleaning up.

"You don't have to do that," Kate told him, and he chuckled.

"Sounds familiar," he teased. He turned off the water after he was done and took her hand, leading her to the couch. They sat down, side by side and she tensed, sensing what was coming next.

"You have to talk to someone, Kate," he told her. "And if it can't be me, then it needs to be someone you can trust. Is there someone I can call? Your dad? Esposito? Lanie?" Kate shook her head to each of those.

"Esposito and Lanie don't need to know. And... I'm not that close with my dad." She almost missed the mysterious look of guilt that crossed Rick's face, but it was so fleeting that she chose to ignore it.

"Who do you trust?" he prodded her. She crossed her arms defensively.

"No one."

"Kate, please," he tried again. Seeing that he wasn't going to back down, and he only wanted to help, she took a deep breath.

"It was seven years ago. I'd just gotten out of the Police Academy. The man who trained me, Royce, got a lead on a case that had been cold for the past twenty years. He had been trying to take down a drug trafficking and crime organization. They're called V. They'd been really active in the 70s and early 80's, but then they just… vanished from the rumor mill. No one knows who's in charge or where they operate from. They're completely elusive." She stopped, and he grabbed her hand. He began caressing the skin between her pointer finger and her thumb when she continued.

"Royce got a call from an informant. Said he'd gotten deep within the organization, and wanted to get out. He requested Royce's team to come, which was Royce, me, Turner, and Benjamin. Gave us an address and a time, said it wouldn't be dangerous, it was a neutral meeting place. Royce didn't believe him, of course, so we packed heat. Met at the arranged time and location… an old farmhouse in Upstate New York. We opened the door, and there was no one there.

"It was a wide open barn, with a little loft with hay on the top. We didn't notice it or think much of it, but then someone shot Turner and Benjamin in the head. They were dead instantly." She swallowed then, and shuddered a little. She seemed to not want to look him in the eye as she was telling the story, so he pulled her against his chest again. He had to strain to hear her, but he knew she found comfort in physical contact while she was reliving the awful memories.

"Six men came down from all around the barn. They searched me and Royce, found all our weapons and took them away. Then they started to hit Royce, and I couldn't help it… I jumped on them and tried to fight, told them to stop. They threw me against the wall, and kicked me until I got knocked out cold.

"When I woke up I was in an old warehouse. I was tied to a rusty pole. There was a man there... I've never found out who he was, if he was the head of the organization or not. But he taunted me. Called me Katie. He knew all about me… all about my mother. He wanted me to beg." She could feel Rick's grip tighten around her. His arms started shaking in anger, but she continued.

"He... cut me." She lifted open her robe to show him the V on her hip. "Carved a V into me, as if I could forget that night. And then I begged," she paused and looked down shamefully, but continued as she felt Castle squeeze her hand.

"So he shot me in the arm, but he left me, and said he'd see me again sometime. I got free and looked for Royce. I tripped on him on the porch outside. He had been beaten pretty bad, and shot through the chest, but he was still alive, though barely. I ran up the road and found a payphone, called for an ambulance, and that's it."

"Was Royce-"

"He lived," she said, smiling sadly. "But then they split us up. Said he had bad judgment, assigned me a new trainer. He's in LA now. I don't talk to him that much."

"Kate, thank you for trusting me," Rick said earnestly. "I wish I could make it go away… that you hadn't been in that situation. But you know you did nothing wrong, right?" She shook her head and bit her lip.

"I gave in. I begged."

"Kate, you were a young, new, inexperienced cop. You were practically a teenage girl; a kid. You did nothing wrong." He shook her hands a little to emphasize his point.

"You are the bravest, strongest person I know, but you can't be that strong all the time. There's nothing shameful about that," he paused, "and besides, I bet you'd kick that V guy's ass if you saw him now."

"I hope so," she said, a fire burning in her green eyes.

"You would," Rick assured her, and kissed the top of her head. Kate shifted in his arms so she was facing him. He looked into her eyes to see determination.

"I have no doubt they were involved in my mother's murder," she said, and he brought his finger up to trace down her nose tenderly.

"You'll get them," he said with conviction.

"How can you be so sure? You barely know me." She sighed and fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"I know you enough to know you're extraordinary, Kate Beckett, and that's enough for me."

She gave him a shy smile that made her face glow even more in the early morning light. He took her hand and squeezed it, responding with a bright smile of his own.

Without warning, her face fell and she jumped off the couch.

"Castle! Your mother's case! We can't waste today!" She moved to go to her room, but Rick reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Relax, it's just one day. I'm sure the boys will be fine. I'm more concerned about you." She shot him a disbelieving look, but calmed down.

"It means so much to you though. I'm fine, I can work."

"No, Kate. I told the Captain you're taking the day off, and that's what we're going to do." His tone had a certain finality to it, and though she usually didn't allow men to push her around and tell her what to do, she felt oddly comforted by his declaration.

"So… what are we going to do today?" she asked. Immediately she regretted it, as his boyish eyes lit up in delight.

"Well, I thought we could go for a walk in the park or something, just to get some fresh air, and then go back to my loft for a movie with Alexis? She really wants to see you again, and she's excited about getting the 3rd season of True Blood on DVD…""

"You want to watch softcore porn with me? And your daughter?"

"Come on, Kate, _vampire_ porn! And it has a plot. And it's got elements of mystery. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it! We'll start from the beginning, and you'll be so addicted to it you'll be _begging_ Alexis to borrow her DVDs!" He smirked and winked, "Besides, you're a complete sucker for Southern accents, admit it." She laughed at that, but still looked skeptical. Rick didn't seem to notice, and stood up from the couch, practically pushing her to her room.

"Go, get dressed and we'll get this day started. Trust me on this one."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

As soon as she was dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and a soft forest green t-shirt that brought out the color of her eyes, they left for the park.

It was a beautiful day, and not too warm but not too chilly either. She instinctively tensed as he grabbed her hand to hold, but relaxed and let him have his thrill.

He led her around the pond, talking about menial things like movies and his favorite places to eat in the city. She listened attentively but was silent save for the occasional hum, content just to listen to him babbling.

Halfway down the trail, Rick noticed her stiffen. He followed her gaze to a jogger across the pond, stopped at a park bench to tie his shoelaces.

"You know him?" He questioned carefully.

The question seemed to jolt Kate into remembering she was with Rick. She averted her gaze and tried to steer them onwards again.

"An old boyfriend," she offered, but then, sensing Castle wasn't going to accept such a vague explanation, sighed and slowed to a stop. "His name is Josh. He's a doctor. He's always off saving the world in some far away corner of the world. It worked for us for a while. I'm always so busy at my job, I'd hardly notice we hadn't seen each other for four weeks until I'd get a message from him asking for a ride from the airport." She was silent then, biting her lip in thought.

"But then it just turned sour. What little time we did spend together, we were always fighting. He thought I was cheating on him. He told me that I push people away on purpose… that I'm afraid to let anyone get too close because they'll see how broken I really am." She met his gaze with those last words, letting him see the deep hurt she usually kept hidden away.

"Seems like a nice guy," Rick said sarcastically, shaking his head.

"He was," Kate defended. "He just got a little… possessive. Didn't like that I work my job with a lot of men." She started walking again, so Rick moved to keep up with her.

"Yeah, well he didn't deserve you if he couldn't accept all of you."

"Thanks, Castle," she smiled weakly. He could sense the bump-in with Josh had gotten her down, so he pulled her over to the pond and dropped a quarter in a man's hand in exchange for duck food.

"Here," he said, handing her the bag. "Nothing a little animal lovin' can't fix." Kate groaned.

"If you turn that into something sexual I swear…"

"Nope," Rick said honestly. "Ye of little faith."

"Admit it, Castle. You're a complete man whore."

"A man whore you obviously found attractive," he shot back, and she grew silent then. He could tell she was trying to harbor her anger, so he grabbed a few pieces of duck food from her hand and popped it in his mouth. She stared at him in surprise, but then started laughing as he spit it out frantically.

"I can't believe they _beg _for this! It's worse than the coffee at the precinct!"

"Yeah, well I don't think _ducks_ are too picky." She took a handful of food and threw it in the pond toward the ducks. Moments later, the animals flocked around her. She laughed as one rested its head on her shoe and quacked.

"My mother used to take me here when I was little," Rick said quietly after the food was gone, and the ducks with it. "She was actually afraid of ducks, but she would always push that aside and give me a quarter to feed them. I took Alexis here when she was little too. I always thought I'd be back here, if I had another kid." He smiled, but didn't look at her. She debated with herself against asking such a personal question, but then decided to go for it.

"Do you want more kids?" she asked. He smiled and looked down at his feet.

"If I meet the right woman, then yeah. I love kids. Always imagined myself with a houseful of them. Alexis is the best thing in my life." She smiled at that, touched.

"You're a great dad," she told him sincerely. "And you've raised a great kid."

"She looks up to you, you know," he told her. "That's good. She needs a strong female role model in her life. Especially now that… Mother's gone." While she should be terrified that he considered her to be in his life, she only felt her heart pumping wildly. Timidly, she took his hand and squeezed it.

"We should get back to the loft," she said after a few moments. "Wouldn't want to skip out on vampire porn, would we?" He laughed at that.

"Alexis would be devastated."

"And by Alexis, you actually mean…" He pushed her playfully then, and together they walked toward the car.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"Kate!" the teen greeted her as they walked in the door. "You are gonna love this show! You'll be so addicted to it, all my friends are." She dragged her in the living room by the hand. "I just made popcorn for us. Dad likes it really buttery, so that's all he buys. I hope that's okay?" Kate laughed and punched Rick in the arm.

"Why am I not surprised?"

They settled down on the couch, Rick immediately putting his arm around Kate and waggling his eyebrows at her.

"Wow, Dad," Alexis quipped, grabbing a blanket and plopping unceremoniously on the floor. "You didn't even _try _to be subtle about that one." Kate laughed along with her as Rick just pouted.

"Oh, I see how it is. Both my girls teaming up on me?" Realizing what he had just implied, his head snapped toward Kate, but she seemed either not to notice or not to care. She flicked a piece of popcorn into his face.

"Get used to it, Writer Boy."

Feeling bold thanks to her acceptance, he sneaked his hand under her leg and cupped her ass. She bit her lip to keep from squeaking and alerting Alexis, who was setting up the DVD player.

"Writer _Man, _Detective."

Both girls simultaneously shushed him as the show began. Rick sighed and poked Kate repeatedly in the side, disappointed the attention wasn't on him. She quickly slapped his hand away while keeping her eyes glued to the television. Defeated, he settled in to watch.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Six hours later, Rick called a time-out.

"Well, I know you ladies are engrossed in your _vampire porn, _but some of us need to eat."

"Can't it wait until after the next episode?" Kate whined uncharacteristically.

"You said that 3 episodes ago," Rick pointed out. Alexis giggled as Kate's eyes widened comically.

The ringing of a phone cut through the pleasant air of the living room. Kate maneuvered her way around the blanket fort Rick had insisted they build with the furniture before the 2nd episode and dug through her purse. Her eyes locked with Rick's in a silent conversation before she went into the study and answered with a signature "Beckett."

"What's going on?" Alexis asked Rick.

"It's news about Gram." he explained, reaching out and rubbing her back lovingly. She nodded maturely and bit her lip in a Beckett-like expression.

"Dad?" she asked. He nodded and waited for her to say whatever was on her mind.

"I really like Kate." She looked him square in the eye when she said this, and he got the feeling she was telling him more.

"I like her too, Honey." He smiled sincerely. He really, _really _liked Kate.

"She's really good for you... for us. So don't mess this up."

Kate chose that moment to walk back into the family room.

"Castle, that was Espo. Becky Head has an alibi. It wasn't her. We're still looking for Chet. We think he may be visiting his daughter at her house in Barbados."

She shared a meaningful glance with Castle and then bit her lip as she gathered her purse from the lounge chair.

"I really hate to cut out early, especially when we have 6 episodes left," both Alexis and Castle chuckled, "but I really am dead on my feet and would like to finish some notes on the case before I pass out. Thank you so much for having me, though." She shuffled shyly as her cheeks flushed a light pink.

Castle beamed as Alexis wasted no time in engulfing the woman in a hug.

"We'll have to do it again soon, Kate. It's not so bad having you around." She gave her an extra squeeze before winking not-so-subtly at her dad and bouncing up the stairs.

Castle smiled softly as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind the detective's ear.

"You are certainly welcome at Casa de Castle anytime, Detective."

Kate hummed.

"I do have a few more seasons of True Blood to watch," she quipped.

"I knew you were only using me for my DVD collection," Castle gasped indignantly. They shared a laugh before Kate was the first to break eye contact.

"Good night, Castle." She turned to leave.

"Until tomorrow, Detective."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Kate was just finishing up her latest paperwork the next day when her cell phone rang with an incoming call from Castle.

"Hey, Stranger. I thought the precinct seemed a little… quieter this morning."

She was greeted only by silence on the other line. Kate immediately sat up straight in her chair. Her brows furrowed as she clutched the phone tighter, the sinking feeling in her stomach telling her this was more than a pocket dial.

"Castle? Are you there?" She heard him take a deep, shuddering breath on his end.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I thought I could handle it on my own…" His voice was hoarse with unshed tears. She barely recognized it was him speaking. She quickly began to shut down her computer and grab her car keys, breezing out of the precinct without a second thought.

"Castle, it's okay. Everything's going to be okay. I need you to tell me where you are right now." She cursed as the elevator took too long to open and ended up rushing toward the stairwell.

"I'm… I'm at the cemetery," he choked out. Kate froze and closed her eyes, mad at herself for not seeing this coming.

"Your mother's funeral," she guessed.

"She's gone," Castle continued without answering. "They buried her."

"I'll be there in 15 minutes, Castle. It's the one by her theater, right? Do you want me to stay on the line with you?"

"Please," he said in a small voice, as Kate hurriedly started her car and put her foot on the gas.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

She found him sitting against a tall oak tree near the entrance, his feet now bare and fancy tie strewn across the well maintained grass.

He barely acknowledged her as she carefully took a seat next to him.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the bright clouds shift and sway in the sky.

"Why didn't you tell me it was today?" Kate asked the question that had been bothering her since he first called. She looked over to watch his face, smiling as she saw him looking completely at peace. He refused to look at her when he answered, instead keeping his gaze on the clouds above their heads.

"I didn't want to burden you," he said at last. She frowned, but stayed silent and allowed him to gather his thoughts. "You've been taking such good care of me the past few days… but why? We barely even know each other." He looked at her then, and Kate saw his question was not accusatory, but instead curious… and hopeful.

"Rick… I think you know why," she smiled softly, feeling her heart beating anxiously. She wasn't used to sharing her feelings, but with Castle, she wanted to try. "It's the same reason why you've been taking care of me these past few days, the same amount if not more than I've been taking care of you." She dared to move closer to him just then, taking his hands in hers and moving their faces so close that they could taste each other's breath.

"You feel it too, don't you?" She asked softly, her heart dropping when he took a moment to answer.

"This feeling that we've known each other much longer than 3 days?" he began, a sparkle in his eyes. "That we are _meant _to know each other longer than 3 days? This feeling that even though my world's just been turned upside down… and I've lost one of the most important people in my life, I've never felt safer and more right than when I am with you?"

Kate closed her eyes as she felt his words rush over her. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his.

"You are not a burden, Rick. You never will be."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Kate. I thought I could do it on my own. I wanted to prove I could." Castle pulled away and grinned sheepishly.

"No one should have to go through this alone," Kate said forcefully, and squeezed his hands tight in hers.

"Speaking of which, where is Alexis?" Castle's eyes dimmed as he pulled out his phone to check his texts.

"She went off with some friends right after the funeral. I think she's trying to distract herself with fun." He gave a half-smile and put his phone away, having confirmed he had no new texts.

"Doesn't sound like a bad idea to me," Kate offered, bumping his shoulder with hers.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Castle piped up, his whole face brightening with a grin.

"I'm pretty certain I'm not, and I'm almost afraid to ask…" Kate said, pursing her lips.

"Forbidden Planet is showing tonight at the Tivoli!" He looked over to see Kate smirking at him.

"Not bad, Castle. I'll even let you get extra buttery popcorn."

They walked toward her car arm in arm, Castle's excited chatter filling the hollowed paths of the cemetery.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Kate was too exhausted to notice anything off when she first walked into her apartment that night. She dropped her keys onto the kitchen table and ungracefully crumbled in a heap onto her couch, blowing a raspberry for good measure.

The air was hot and quiet. Too quiet. She tensed and felt for the gun at her side.

With innate precision, she cleared each room of intruders before placing her gun back in the holster. Something still didn't sit right with her.

She walked along the shelves and bookcases, making sure no item was missing or out of place. It was when her gaze reached the framed photo of her and her mother at her high school graduation that she realized what was wrong. Frantically, she checked another framed portrait and then another to confirm what she already knew.

Every photographed face in her house was now obscured by a giant, black V.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey! Thank you all SO much for the reviews and feedback! Holy crap, I love you guys! And thank you for hanging in there with me (this is basically my first fic, so your patience is much appreciated!).**

**My health has been a bit wonky again lately. But I'm still committed to this fic and getting it posted! I'm working at a Girls Rock summer camp this week, but even though I'm busy during the day I'll have time at night to get something posted hopefully. I've been editing the remaining chapters a bunch, trying to get it more in character and such. There's still a few things I'm not happy with, but it's getting there! The story's picking up more, and you'll start to see the threads coming together. Especially with Part II (the story kind of naturally sections into 2 parts).**

**With the end of this chapter we are about halfway through.**

**Okay I'm done rambling :) Here it is. Please leave a review and let me know what you think! 3**

**Ps. I apologize for the shortness of this chapter!**

**Chapter 8**

"Coffee?" Kate looked up from her paperwork to see Richard Castle holding out a warm mug. She painfully forced herself to ignore him and continue scribbling.

"You're late."

"Yeah, well, there's this cafe that I thought you'd really like, and it's on the other side of town-"

"Castle." She snapped. The kicked puppy look on his face sent a pang through her bruised heart, yet she knew this was for the best. She could not afford to be weak just because this man had somehow figured out how to get past all of her best defenses.

"Bad night, I got it." She sent him an icy glare in response and finished signing the page with extra vigor.

A rustle of footsteps and papers could be heard as a handful of officers led by Esposito came up to Kate's desk.

"Yo, Boss Lady. Left a present for you in Interrogation 2."

Castle's head snapped up.

"Chet Hanson?" they asked in unison. Kate didn't even bother to show her annoyance at him.

"Locked and ready to be unloaded." The three of them looked at each other in confusion for a few moments before Esposito shrugged.

"All right, not my best. Point is, he's all yours, whenever you're ready." With that, he pulled out a dollar bill and strolled off to the vending machine, whistling to himself.

Castle's eyes met hers as he pulled his chair closer. He looked stricken, his eyes widening and watering as they searched hers as if they knew the answers he sought.

"Kate..."

She immediately softened, her coldness from earlier being suppressed by her alarming need to comfort this man whom she had only known for a few days. She mused that time must be a measure of the mind, and love a measure of the heart.

But she didn't _love _him. She _couldn't _love him. She would only destroy him and the luminous girl that came as a package deal with him. No, she would help heal him, but she would not bring him down by showing him any of her demons, and unfortunately, her faults made up a huge part of who she was.

"I know, Castle," she placated. And she did know. There had been a time when there was only one lead left on her mother's case. She remembered the day the detectives brought him into the precinct, and subsequently let him go along with any hope she had of getting justice for her mother.

She reached out and took his hand in hers, turning his palm over and stroking its lines.

"No matter what happens, I'll be here." She looked into his eyes as she said this. Green met blue, and he knew she meant it. It was a serious promise to make when just moments ago she had been distancing herself from any kind of commitment to this man. However, as the smell of artisan coffee wafted from the nearby mug, and a soft morning haze settled over the precinct through the open windows, Kate had a gut feeling, an almost premonition, that her and Richard Castle's lives were somehow infinitely intertwined from that point on.

"Let's go, before my coffee gets cold." She stood and pulled him with her. She even kept his hand in hers down the dark hallway to Interrogation Room 2 despite the unrelenting knot in her stomach.

As she turned to face him outside the door, he immediately cut her off before she could say anything.

"I'm coming in with you."

"What? No! Absolutely not!" she sputtered indignantly.

"Beckett, this is our last lead. I need to be in there."

"You need to let me handle this! You are too close to this case, and this is too important of a lead to mess up!" she turned on her heel to go into the room, but Castle's hand shot out and grabbed her wrist.

"Kate," he began softly, trying a different approach. "I need to be in there. You understand better than anyone. I know how important this is. I won't mess this up." He held her gaze for a few long moments before she sighed frustratedly and rolled her eyes.

"Fine. But follow my lead. Or I'll shoot you."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"Chet Hanson, I'm Detective Kate Beckett, and this is my... partner-"

"Hi Chet, I'm Richard Castle." Castle immediately pulled up a chair next to Kate and stuck out his hand to shake, oozing charm. In response, Kate subtly kicked his shin under the table and sent him an annoyed glare.

"Martha's boy," Chet breathed, clearly surprised. Castle's expression darkened a bit.

"Yes," Beckett swooped in. "We were actually hoping you could tell us about Martha."

"She's dead," Chet said somberly. Beckett and Castle exchanged a look.

"And you know that because you killed her," Castle supplied.

"No!" Chet exclaimed. "God, no! Rick, I promise, I would never do any harm to Martha. I love … I loved... Oh God." the older man began to cry. Becket looked at Castle and discreetly shook her head.

"Chet, since you loved Martha, we need your help finding the person who killed her. If you can think of anything we should know..." Chet could only continue to cry. When Beckett looked over at Castle, however, she saw his brow furrowed in deep thought.

"Chet, Mother's director said he saw you arguing at the cast party that night before you left. What were you arguing about?" They gave him a few moments to calm down. Beckett offered him a glass of water.

"It seems so silly now. So meaningless. I thought she was cheating on me. I saw her with a handsome man a couple of days before... She told me I had nothing to worry about. He was an old flame but she had no interest in rekindling their romance. She turned him away." He looked horrified as he processed his own words. ""Do you think- Could her old beau have been involved in this?"

"It's entirely possible." Beckett answered. "Just in case, we are going to need everything you know about him."

"I don't know anything... I don't even know his name!" Chet began to grow visibly upset. Castle reached over and placed his hand over the old man's.

"You saw his face though, right?" He smiled encouragingly.

Chet nodded, his face hardening in determination.

"Yes I did."

Beckett and Castle both grinned.

"Do you think you could describe it to one of our sketch artists?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"So while we're waiting on the sketch, what about a game of truth or dare?" Castle's voice startled her from the report she was reading.

"And then we can braid our hair and tell ghost stories," she retorted, with an extra bite that wasn't usually present when she joked with him.

Castle almost bantered back, but his expression sobered and he tilted his head toward the stiff Detective.

"Kate, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Castle. I'm just not in the mood for a Junior High sleepover." Hurt flashed across his face at her sharp tone, but he pressed on.

"Was it something I did? Or said? What can I do to make it better?"

"Castle!" She snapped. He looked so wounded right then that her entire posture crumbled and revealed how tired she really was. Her face softened in defeat as her eyes met his and she allowed him to see how truly haunted and broken she was inside.

"There are some things you can't make better."

"Hey guys I've got the- Whoa sorry didn't mean to interrupt!" Ryan skidded to a halt right next to Kate's desk holding the sketch of Martha Roger's old flame. Esposito ran straight into his back moments later, smirking.

"No way! Bro, pay up!" He held out his hand expectantly.

"Wait, dude, no, you said 50 bucks they'd be making out. They were definitely making eyes at each other, maybe leaning in close... If I hadn't come up when I did _maybe _you'd get your 50 bucks-"

"Guys! The sketch?" Kate interrupted impatiently. Castle shook his head at them from behind Kate, and Ryan handed Kate the sketch as Espo narrowed his eyes and stuck out his tongue at Castle.

"Does he look familiar to you, Castle?" Ryan gestured to the sketch. Castle looked closely at the man who may have ended his mother's life. He was definitely his mother's type. A distinguished looking, handsome gentleman with twinkling blue eyes and a full head of silver hair. Laughter lines at the corner of his eyes. Castle wondered if that was a flair the sketch artist had added or if Chet had specifically noticed them. A sort of comforting expression on his face. Castle imagined he was the kind of man who told cheesy jokes to his grandkids and did the New York Times crossword in under 5 minutes every Sunday. He didn't know why, but he began to concoct a whole picture in his head of who this man was, and it was a familiar one. It's a warm, comforting one, yet exactly what it meant was just out of reach.

"I have no idea who he is." And he doesn't.

"Beckett?"

"I..." He took a second to look at her then. Her face had paled and she looked confused. Sweat beads formed on her forehead.

"What's wrong? You know him?"

She took a deep breath. And another. She clutched the edge of the table until her grip failed.

"No... I don't think I do. I just feel like I'm missing something..."

Castle saw Ryan and Esposito share a concerned look. They seemed to be debating something silently when a booming voice from behind surprised them all.

"Well, nothing better to help you find that something than a good night's sleep. You look like Hell, Beckett. Go home." They turned to find Captain Montgomery observing them with a critical eye.

"Richard Castle. Good to see you haven't been shot yet," the captain nodded to him as he turned to go back to his office.

"I'm pretty charming when I need to be," he quipped. The Captain laughed darkly as he shut his door.

"I don't think that's what's keeping you _out_ of trouble."

"Guys, I think he's beginning to like me!" Castle said excitedly. He turned to see Ryan and Esposito back at their desks and Kate packing up her things.

"Wait, you're actually going home?"

"Captain's orders, Castle." Kate retorted without looking up. She hastily shut down her computer and straightened a few of her elephant figurines that Castle had positioned inappropriately on her desk.

"But you _never _go home early!" She only shrugged in response, tired of thinking of explanations.

"Good night, Castle," she said noncommittally as she rushed to get to the elevator.

"Until tomorrow, Detective," he said softly, his gaze following the back of her head.

She looked out onto the precinct floor as the doors to the elevator closed. Castle was still standing alone at her desk, his fingers tracing his mother's file atop it. She felt a pang in her heart but suppressed it. It was better for everyone that she didn't let him get too close.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey! 1****st****, thank you all SO much for the feedback from the last chapter! I am so grateful to hear from you and know what you think about my story. Definitely motivated me to get this up as quickly as I could! You all are the best!**

**Also, I realize it must be a bit frustrating to have Kate going back and forth with wanting to jump into a relationship with Castle. No worries, she will make a decision very soon and there will be way less jerking around there ;). Hang in there with me a little bit more! It'll be worth it. Keep in mind she really does care for him and want to be with him, she is just terrified to get him and Alexis involved in her life because she doesn't want V to target and hurt them because of her. Maybe this chapter will help explain her thinking a little more.**

**Chapter 9**

An angry pounding had her torn out of the deep sleep she'd found herself in as soon as she collapsed- fully-clothed- on her bed at 5 pm. Groaning, Kate rubbed her eyes and glanced at the digital clock on her bedside table to see it was only 9 pm. Not late enough to be a complete jerk to the person banging on her door.

She didn't even bother to make sure her hair was in place, her arms felt like lead.

The thumping only continued, increasing in urgency and heightening Kate's annoyance.

"I'm coming as fast as I can! Settle down."

When she opened the front door, it was hardly a surprise to see Castle on the other side. However, she was completely taken aback by his dark mood as he pushed past her into the apartment in stony silence.

"... Come on in, Castle." She shut the door and turned to find him standing by the couches, the collar of his shirt looking like he'd tugged at it nervously countless times and his hair sporting an unkempt, frantic vibe.

"I think I got a lead in my mom's case," he said at last. Her face immediately broke out in a smile.

"Castle, that's great!" He held her gaze, and that feeling of dread that had been curling in the pit of her stomach and following her around for days throbbed with a vengeance. "Right?"

"Kate..."

"Just tell me the bad news, Castle. I'm a big girl, I can handle it." She ground her teeth as if to prove it to herself.

"I think my mother's case is connected to your mom's... to V." He took a step forward the moment she took a reflexive step back. He prepared himself for angry words, for shouting, for maybe even getting shot as she had threatened before. But instead she began _laughing._

"You can't be serious." In the low-lights of her living room with her wispy bed-hair, her sleepy eyes, her chapped lips and flushed cheeks, she looked like a crazed angel. He reached out to her, drawn to her, to catch her if she fell, _when _she fell though he was hardly certain he was able to hold himself up.

"I am, Kate." He steadied her as she stumbled, but she pushed his hands away and backed herself against the kitchen counter.

"That's impossible. Do you even have any _proof? _This isn't one of your books, Castle. It's a great story, but there's no evidence-"

"I ran the sketch Chet gave us in the database using broader search parameters. There was a match. Kate, my mother's ex-boyfriend looks _just _like the description _you _gave of the guy from V when you were a rookie. I don't necessarily think they're the same person, but I definitely think they're related by blood. Brothers maybe." He tried to step toward her again but stopped when she shook her head.

"No."

"You knew that when you looked at Chet's sketch. I know you did. I saw your reaction, Kate. It's okay. It's okay to be scared." Castle took a step toward her then but Kate sunk to the ground and unexpectedly flinched. He pulled back, horrified.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he began backing away with his hands clearly in sight. He watched her carefully as she timidly met his gaze. They remained silent, Kate's heavy breathing filling the space between them.

When she spoke at last, her voice was hoarse with unshed tears.

"I know, I know you wouldn't hurt me. I can't help it... Sometimes it just comes over me."

"Because of V?" Castle asked, barely succeeding in concealing his anger. Kate remained silent. She closed her eyes and focused on counting her breaths like her psychologist had taught her to calm the anxiety. When she opened them she saw Castle looking at her tenderly, and she felt guilt and self-hatred bubble up in her chest.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out. He was silent for a few moments before he answered.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Kate, I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at V. I'm angry at V for what they did to my mother, to your mother... And probably countless other human beings. And I'm angry at V for what they did to you. I care about you, Kate." He shook his head and seemed to be stumbling on his words, a rarity in his case.

"I know we haven't known each other for very long, but Kate, I feel like I've known you forever. I feel like I was meant to know you forever. I feel like we have something special here, something great, and correct me if I'm wrong, I think you feel it too. And it's not just a thing, it's a real thing, a true thing. And with just a little more time and care I think it could be love, a real love, a true love. Oh god... I really just said that. Forget I just said that... Don't run away... For now will you just take a chance with me and go out on a date?" He could almost literally hear his heartbeat in the quiet living room. He watched her as she hugged her legs to her chest and rested her chin atop her knees. She frowned.

"You're asking me out?"

"Well... yeah." What was it about this woman that had all words slipping from his mind.

"You can't do that." She stood stiffly and straightened her clothes, visibly composing herself.

"And why not?" he asked indignantly.

"There are strict rules against co-workers dating in the NYPD." She retorted, not even daring to meet his gaze.

"That's a bullshit excuse, Kate, and you know it." He could feel his anger returning, and he clenched his hands into fists to help quell some of the bite.

"I'm just following the rules, Castle."

"You are _hiding _behind the rules and I want to know why!" He saw her startle at the level of his voice and so he took a second to calm himself before he continued, spitting back her earlier words. "I'm a big boy, Kate. I can handle it.""

Her posture deflated them, and she nodded.

"I don't think it's a good idea for us to see each other," she told him. "If V targeted both of our mothers, combining our families into a relationship could make a bigger target. They could come after someone else."

"You mean me or Alexis, since they've already been targeting you repeatedly for the past 7 years, Kate." Her head snapped up in surprise. Castle frowned. "Did you think I wouldn't find out about that?"

"Who told you?" she asked darkly. Castle shook his head sadly.

"No one did. It was in your file-"

"You looked at my file?!" Her eyes ablaze with anger and her hair wild around her face, she advanced on him, jabbing her finger into his chest. "You had no right to do that!"

"It was how I found the connection between Chet's sketch and your V guy!"

"You! You are infuriating, always sticking your big writer nose where it doesn't belong..."

"I do not have a big writer nose, Miss Detective tight panties!"

"Someone needs to follow the rules-"

"Like the rule co-workers can't date?"

That threw her off for a second, just enough for Castle to jump in with another argument.

"Kate, in your file it said V _torments_ you. Sets fires in your apartment buildings, vandalizes your home, has snipers take shots at you in public... and those are just the incidents you've reported. I know you're probably... intimidated by this organization or whatever it is, but you don't have to face them alone anymore. Kate, we can take them down together." He took her hand in both of his and squeezed it in encouragement.

She closed her eyes and took a deep, heaving breath. She ripped her hand from his grasp and stalked over to the front door.

"Get out."

He looked confused.

"What?" Castle remained in his spot by the couch.

"I said, Get out. Leave." She tilted her head toward the open door.

"Because of my joke about the panties? About the co-workers rule?" He looked heartbroken. His eyes darted around the apartment, committing it to memory.

"Because of _everything_. Because we're over. Get. Out." She watched as he walked out the door, looking back hopefully every few steps in case she changed her mind. As soon as he made it to the hallway she slammed the door and trudged into the bedroom, collapsed on her unmade bed and began to sob.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Helloooo again! Thank you to everyone that reviewed, favorited, and/or followed last chapter. Your feedback means so much to me, and helps motivate me to write and get you chapters faster. I love hearing from you!**

**This chapter has a time jump, and it marks the end of Part I. Part II is still going to be in the same story, I just have two parts marked because there's kind of a clear divide between the two pieces in the story! So you don't really need to worry about that, but in case you were wondering, this is the end of Part I! We are pretty much halfway through.**

**Thank you again, and please review!**

**Chapter 10**_  
1 month later_

"C'mon, pick up the phone, Castle," she bit out frantically, throwing the iPhone at the tile floor with a huff when it went to voicemail again.

She couldn't blame him. She'd screened his calls constantly for the first two and a half weeks after their fight in her apartment, in the middle of his mother's murder investigation no less. It was only fitting that when she needed to reach him he wouldn't pick up his damn phone.

Kate took a deep breath and looked around the small bathroom. In a fit of panic she had swiped all of her hair products off the shelf and onto the floor. Broken glass from an antique jewelry box lay around her slumped over form, digging into her palms as she continuously unrolled more squares of toilet paper to staunch the little cuts on her hands and also wipe the flowing mascara from her face. She was sure if anyone walked in on this scene they'd for sure question her mental health.

All this over something positive. According to the white stick abandoned on the edge of the tub, she was pregnant. As if things weren't complicated enough... She couldn't even guarantee her own safety in the world, how could she have a baby in the middle of all this mess?

Just thinking about the field day V would have with this, the new ways to target her, made her nauseous. Or maybe that was the morning sickness...

All she was sure of was that she needed Castle. It was a weird reaction, almost innate. Being around him made her feel safe, and right now she felt anything but. Her whole body was humming for her to go to him, to tell him about the baby, and that he'd make everything okay.

Another sob escaped from her mouth. What was she thinking? She couldn't get anyone else involved in her life. Castle had Alexis to think about. Anyone who gets close to Kate gets hurt. It's inevitable. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if anything happened to either of the Castles. She'd have to deal with this new development the way she had learned to deal with everything: alone.

Kate grabbed an empty shampoo bottle from the ground and quickly shoved the positive pregnancy stick in it, putting the cap back on and then pushing it deep down in her bathroom trashcan.

Then she stood up and surveyed the mess she had made. Taking a deep breath, she wiped the emotions from her face and from her mind and focused on how to go about cleaning up. First step, sweeping everything out of view.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

Rick was in deep shit with Gina and Paula. They'd tried to be understanding with his mother's murder, and had given him a brief reprieve from press appearances and planning his next book. However, there was only so much they could do before "the fans became bored and found another mystery writer to keep their beds warm at night."

Never one to shy away from drastic measures, Gina had taken his phone hostage for the night and locked him away in his office without contact from the outside world until he had finished 5 chapters of his new novel.

At first it was torture squeezing out words when they didn't want to come, but inspiration had miraculously hit by the third hour and he had actually finished seven chapters when he decided to take a break.

"Gina, lovely to see you as always," he greeted the tall blonde.

"Where are my chapters, Rick?" Straight to business.

"I can see you're not one for small talk tonight, so here are seven chapters in exchange for my phone and dignity. Thank you for doing business with Monsieur Castle." She slapped the phone in his hand and sent him a glare, swaying her hips as she walked out of the loft.

"Oh, by the way," she paused at the door, "That Detective of yours called a couple of times."

"What? Kate?" He perked up immediately.

"Well don't be too obvious about it, Ricky." She smirked and made her leave.

Castle barely noticed and immediately thumbed through his contacts and dialed Kate.

"Castle?" she sounded surprised.

"Kate? Is everything all right?" Her side of the line was silent for a few moments before she replied.

"Yes. I just thought you wouldn't want to speak to me." He could hear her sigh into the phone.

"No... I mean, yes. I mean... Kate, I understand where you're coming from. I understand that you're scared, and that you're running. I just want to talk to you. The two of us. Being honest with each other. Look, this isn't a conversation we should have over the phone. Will you meet me at the loft?" Her side of the line was silent for a few moments again before speaking.

"Tonight?"

He smiled.

"Yeah, tonight. If you want to. I just ordered some pizza."

"Is it pepperoni?"

"...Yes?" He answered, slightly confused.

"Then okay. I'll be over in 15."

He wondered if she could hear him smiling through the phone.

"Great. And Kate?"

"Yes, Castle?"

"Thank you." He could hear a sharp intake of breath.

"Don't thank me." And then she hung up.

He looked at his phone in bewilderment, wondering if it had cut out by accident. A few seconds later, however, it lit up again, this time from an unknown caller.

"Rick Castle," he answered tentatively.

"I have information for you, Richard Castle," said a voice he didn't recognize.

"Excuse me, who is this?" He heard a soft chuckle on the other end, and began to feel a sense of foreboding.

"Call me Jackson Hunt." Rick scoffed.

"That sounds like a made up name!"

The voice chuckled again.

"That's because it is. Now this is how our interactions are going to go-"

"Wait a minute," Castle began indignantly, feeling anger flare in his chest. "Who the hell-"

"Do not interrupt me again Richard. That is the first rule of our interactions. The second is that you will tell _no one_ about me or about the things that I have told you. These conversations never happened. Do you understand?"

"What-"

"Do you understand Richard?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now one more rule. When I ask you a question, you must answer it honestly. This is important. If you do not tell me the truth, I cannot help you. And Richard, I am on your side. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now tell me, would you give your life for Kate Beckett?"

His eyes widened and his mouth went dry.

"What does this have to do with Kate?!"

"_Richard, _answer me."

"Yes!" he answered without hesitation.

In the background he heard his doorbell ring. On the other end of the line, Jackson Hunt was silent for a moment. Then,

"We'll be in touch." The line went dead.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

"Kate!" he greeted her with concerned eyes. "You're soaked! Come in and dry off." He pulled her in to the warmth of the loft, but she couldn't help but shiver as his fingers touched her cold skin.

"Let me get you a blanket." He turned to go into his bedroom, but her arm shot out to stop him.

"No!" He looked down at her hand on his wrist, surprised. "Stay here, please."

He moved closer to her and lifted a strand of wet hair off of her face.

"Kate, are you all right?" He reached a hand to her head to feel her temperature and she shivered again. "Please, let me go get that blanket." He turned to go again, but she blocked him with her body this time.

"Castle, I don't want a blanket. I just want you." He looked into her eyes and saw them burning with affection and maybe something a little deeper that he knew she was too afraid to admit to yet.

He stood still, letting her make the first move. She looked up at him through her lowered lashes and stood on her toes, framing his face in her hands while placing a delicate kiss on his jaw. He took a shuddering breath. She continued planting kisses up his jawline and then nuzzled her face in his neck, planting hot, wet kisses at his pulse point and throwing her arms around him. He responded by picking her up by her thighs and carrying her to his bedroom. He placed her on her back and got on top of her, kissing his way down her chest as she ground her hips against his.

Suddenly he came up for air.

"Are you sure about this Kate? I won't be able to stop-"

"I'm sure... Don't stop!" She breathed out and started unbuttoning his pants.

They locked eyes with each other briefly, his still holding such concern for her. She smiled sweetly and crashed her lips against his, sharing a passionate kiss.

Later, she found herself secure in the arms of a sleeping Rick Castle, unable to close her own eyes because of the helpless feeling that things had begun to unravel before her, and she was only one of the threads.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello! First, thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed! You all are awesome. I am so grateful for the responses I've been getting. Thank you so much for taking the time to drop me a line!**

**Here is the next chapter (the beginning of Part II)! There is a subtle time jump between the last chapter and this one. Just a heads up! Feel free to leave a review if it's no trouble! :) xo m**

_**PART II**_

**Chapter 11**

The bed beside her was cold. A jolt of panic went down her spine for a second, replaced by the cool swell of relief as the smell of blueberry chocolate chip pancakes greeted her nostrils. She laid still, a smile creeping on her face as the sound of laughter wafted in from the kitchen.

Kate looked at the clock and decided it was way past time for her to get up.  
She swung her legs over Castle's plush California King sized bed and stood, stretching and yawning in an exaggerated manner.

When she reached the kitchen she felt tears prick her eyes and cursed her over active hormones. Castle and Alexis were wearing matching chef outfits, playfully engaged in a full out flour war.

"Surrender or suffer certain death by flour, graceless wench!" Castle shouted, standing on top of a barstool and holding a Tupperware filled with flour menacingly toward Alexis' now-pale red hair.

"Castle!" Kate gasped, laughing.

"Kate?" he looked up, surprised, and beamed as he caught sight of her in the doorway. His distraction allowed Alexis to pounce on him and dump an entire bag of flour over his head and into his mouth. Her small but strong form zealously knocked him onto the floor with an "_Oompf!__""_

"Ha ha! Lady Alexis wins again!" Alexis cried, holding up a ladle in victory.

"Oh no you don't," Castle exclaimed, and pulled her by her legs onto the ground with him, pressing patches of flour onto her cheeks. "Lord Castle will have his revenge!"

They wrestled around for a few moments, shrieking and getting flour everywhere as Kate laughed hysterically.

Abruptly, they stopped and looked at her with wide eyes.

"Lady Kate?" Castle raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, no, Rick, don't you d-" but he was already across the room and gathering her in his arms, tickling her mercilessly and leaving a trail of flour all over her clothes and hair. Kate shrieked and laughed.

"Lex, help me!"

Alexis gladly joined in attacking her father, the two of them tickling him back until suddenly Kate had him flat on the floor with both of them breathing heavily. They gazed into each other's eyes, a hint of a smile forming on Rick's face. He reached up and gave her a quick kiss, smirking before rolling out from beneath her and dumping the last canister of flour on her head.

"Victory to the Lord of the Castle!"

Kate and Alexis both rolled their eyes at each other as Rick continued celebrating with a little dance.

"Kate _totally _let you win, Dad," Alexis teased.

"Yeah, can you imagine all the whining we'd have to endure if I didn't?" Both girls laughed as they high-fived.

"Hey, I don't know how I feel about both of my girls ganging up on me," Rick pouted. Kate scoffed.

"Oh please, you _love _it."

Rick's expression turned serious then as he held her gaze and she could have sworn his eyes misted over.

"Yeah," he agreed softly. "I do."

Kate cleared her throat and looked down at the messy floor.

"So what were you guys up to before The Great Flour War erupted?"

"Oh!" Alexis squealed, and began rummaging in the cupboards.

"Alexis?" Kate inquired.

Seconds later she presented Kate with a plate of blueberry chocolate chip pancakes, made in the shape of a smiley face, complete with a whipped cream hair-do and a bowl of fruit on the side.

"We know you haven't been feeling well lately," she began, "but smiley face pancakes make everything better. And Dad told me blueberry chocolate chip pancakes are your favorite... And we're just so happy you've been a part of our lives lately... and just... We want you to feel better."

Kate felt tears pricking at the corner of her eyes again at the sweet gesture and prayed that they wouldn't notice, but unfortunately the Castles were just as good of detectives as she was.

"Oh no, Kate, don't cry, please-"

"Why was it in the cupboard?" she asked, as tears started streaming steadily down her face. Alexis and Castle looked at each other, confused.

"We didn't want it to fall victim to our Flour War," Rick stepped in to explain.

"I can make something else if you don't like it?" Alexis said in a tiny voice. By then Kate was sobbing and she threw her arms around the girl.

"Thank you so much, Alexis," she said, holding the girl's head close. "It's been so long since someone's done something that nice for me."

She felt Alexis physically relax in her arms when she was certain Kate wasn't upset with the breakfast.

"You're welcome, Kate," she paused for a moment. "Thank you for helping us get through Gram's death. I'm so glad you're here." She brushed a kiss on her cheek, both of them laughing as she got flour in her mouth and had to rush to spit in out in the sink, effectively cutting the tension in the room.

"Yuck! I think I'm going to go take a shower. I'm sure Dad will keep you company while you eat though." Alexis winked at the two adults before she scampered up the stairs to her room, leaving a befuddled Rick and Kate staring after her.

She felt his eyes shift to her.

"What?" she smirked.

"Kate," he said, his face a bit shocked. "I... I think my daughter _ships_ us!"

"What do you... you mean like two characters on a TV show?"

"I mean we're her ship, her OTP, she's a firm believer in Kick!"

"Kick?!"

"No… that's not right... I've got it, Caskett! Get it? Like Castle and Beckett? And because you catch murderers? If we're not together we may as well be in a-"

"Rick," she cut in, reaching across the table and twisting his ear. "We are _not_ making our own shipper name." His face grew troubled as she released his ear.

"Kate, do _you _ship us?" She put her fork down and gave him her full attention.

"Rick, what do you mean? Of course I do." She wiped her syrupy hands off on her napkin and reached out to take his, but he pulled away.

"It's just, I can't get a good read on you. You came to my door a few weeks ago and said you wanted to give us a try, and you've been here, and it's been great. I've never been happier in my life. I know how _I _feel about _you._ But I can't help but feel like there's something holding you back. Every time those walls of yours start to come down, you withdraw into yourself further and we take a few steps back again. I feel like I'll never truly know the real you," he sighed then, rubbing a tired hand over his face. "Kate, is it me? Am I not enough for you? Will I ever be? If that's it, please tell me right now. Because I can try to make you happy... I _will_ try... but if you don't want to be with me I won't force you.""

Kate shook her head furiously, reaching out again for his hands. This time he let her take them.

"Rick... you idiot. I... You make me happy. These past few weeks have been the happiest I could ever be. You and Alexis..." she took a deep, shuddering breath and squeezed his hands before looking timidly into his eyes. "You're it for me. But when I think about that... I get-"" she choked- "scared. Being around me will only hurt you.." Her eyes grew stormy and faraway as she finished. He realized she was not looking at him but at a spot above his shoulder.

"We've been over this, Kate. We're in this together." He squeezed their hands tighter. "Whom I want to spend my time with is my decision, and Kate, I want you here with me. Here with us. Our lives have been so much better since you've been here."

He got up from his seat and drew her into a hug. She resisted at first but then sank into his embrace.

"How do you always make me feel so safe?" she whispered into his chest.

"This thing with V," he began. "With your mother, my mother... We are going to end it. Together. I promise you that, Kate. And you won't have to be afraid anymore."

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

"Are you sure you have to leave?" Alexis whined.

"Yeah, Kate, can't you stay just one more hour?" Rick mimicked in the exact same voice.

"I'm sorry, children, but I have laundry and housework to do if I want to hold onto my 'I'm an adult' card."

"You're no fun," Rick growled and went in for a kiss.

"Definitely not what you thought last night," Kate whispered into his ear before biting his earlobe.

"Holy shit," Rick murmured.

"Bye Kate! Come back ASAP! We've still got Season 5 to watch!" Alexis called, waving from the kitchen.

"You'd better not start without me!" Kate yelled back.

Alexis just laughed in response.

"Thank you," Rick said, putting his hands on her hips and pulling her in for a warm hug.

They pulled back and kissed again before she made her way out of the loft.

When she reached the street, Kate decided to walk a few blocks before hailing a cab, enjoying the cool spring weather. As she turned onto the next block, she felt a man from behind grab her by the arm.

"Hey, what do you-"

Immediately her assailant clasped a hand over her mouth and shoved her into the back of a sedan, keeping a firm grip on her limbs as she tried to lash out. She was strong and trained for situations like this, but somehow her attacker was stronger and prepared for her every move.

The pin prick of a needle jabbed into her neck right before her whole world turned to black. She felt her body fall limp and the last image she saw was of 3 men in masks holding her down and smirking as she gave in to the unrelenting urge to slip into unconsciousness.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you so much to kwarner and TORONTOSUN for reviewing the previous chapter! It means a lot to me that you take the time to let me know you're reading and what you think. You are both so awesome! xo And thank you to everyone who favorited and followed :)**

**I was out of town for a bit with no internet access (back to the dark ages), but here's the next chapter. It gets a little violent and has some bad language, just a warning!**

**Chapter 12**

Kate awoke to the sound of typing. It was a familiar sound, having spent many nights by Rick's side. He was often hit by inspiration late at night, long after they'd gone to bed. She'd started to find the sound of typing comforting, and easily slept through his nighttime bursts of inspiration.

He'd sit beside her on the bed, sending Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook on colorful missions with his beautiful hands while she laid her head against his thigh. Every so often she'd wake to find him paused in his writing, carding his hands through her hair soothingly or just gazing at her sleeping form in adoration. It was times like these she wished she knew what he was thinking, what he was seeing in her. She felt like she didn't deserve his love and could never give him anything as great as the warmth and passion he'd shown her.

Her head was fuzzy and hurt like hell. A moan escaped past her lips involuntarily, and the typing abruptly stopped.

"Castle?" she asked groggily, trying but failing to lift her head from its place on the floor.

"Ah, I see you're awake, Katie."

Her entire body stiffened and began to shake without her permission. She willed her eyes to open, and saw she was lying on the concrete floor of a large warehouse that appeared to be empty besides her and one other person sitting at a laptop – the man she knew as V.

"Why don't you stand up for me, Katie?" She coached herself through breathing, just like her therapist had taught her. However, as she calmed down and then attempted to stand up to face the man that had haunted her nightmares for 7 years, she began to hyperventilate again.

"What did you do to me?!"

He laughed, a cruel, dark sound.

"I guess you might need a little help then, don't you." A million thoughts raced through her head as his footsteps drew near. He had obviously injected her with some sort of drug that paralyzed her. The mere thought that she was now rendered completely defenseless in the company of one of the most dangerous men in New York State if not the country had her gasping for a full breath and desperately trying to keep a level head.

"Don't touch me!"

"Katie, Sweetheart, I don't think you're in _any_ position to be making demands." V warned her in what was disguised as a joking manner, though she caught the dark undertone in his voice.

She felt him roughly grab her underneath the arms and draw her to a nearby structural pole to prop her up against. Since she couldn't struggle against him she immediately began screaming at the top of her lungs for help.

V brought a hard fist onto her face, and she sputtered but quieted.

"You can scream all you want, Katherine, but no one is going to come where we are. Your incessant and unnecessary cries for help will only further anger me and provoke my hands to mar your beautiful face, are we clear?" He began to stroke the sides of her face tenderly, smearing some of the blood that ran down from her temple into her cheek.

She whimpered in response, so he shook her hard.

"Are we clear, Katherine?"

"Yes."

He stepped back and she barely hid a sigh of relief.

"Good. Now we can begin to discuss the reason you're here."

"And why is that?" A bit of bite returned to her tone.

"Oh, good. You're feeling braver. I haven't completely broken you yet." He winked at her and she just glared in response. "You'll need to be strong for the next phase."

Her expression turned blank as her face paled.

"Next phase...?"

"Yes. It seems you are the Detective assigned to Martha Rodger's case, are you not?"

"Why does it matter-"

"Because, Katie, I killed her, just as I killed your mother, and you are going to make sure both cases go cold and are put into storage."

"What?! No-"

She didn't have time to flinch as his fist came down on her again and then on her shoulder.

"Shit..." she ground out.

"Never say no to me, Katie. Though I doubt you will make that mistake again. You _will _do as I requested, I am certain of that."

"And why is that?" she asked, stomach full of dread.

"Because if you don't, I will kill your Castle boyfriend and that bitch daughter of his before you even have a chance to say goodbye to them. Do you want to be the cause of their deaths, Katie? Do you want me to look them in the eyes and say I am killing them because of you? Which one do you think I should kill first... the girl? Make her father watch as his daughter is beaten to death in front of him? Screaming for her father to make it stop-"

"Okay!" Kate cut in, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. "Okay, please. I'll do it, as long as you don't hurt them, I'll destroy the case... You just have to promise me, you won't break this deal..."

V smiled, the skin around his gray eyes crinkling. He took his time pretending to consider and then walked closer to her again, enjoying as her breathing quickened. He picked up her limp hand and shook it.

"As long as you keep up your end of the deal, Katie, I won't kill your writer boyfriend and his daughter."

He brushed an errant lock of hair out of her eyes.

"I'll be checking in every once in a while. We'll see each other soon."

He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, then walked nonchalantly out of the warehouse.

Kate let out a breath of relief and sighed. She cautiously tried to flex her fingers and toes but grimaced when they only tingled a bit and failed to move. It would probably be awhile until the drug wore off.

Her stomach was still doing somersaults. Shit! The baby... Kate started chewing her lip nervously. She still hadn't told Rick. She knew she was only delaying the inevitable. Until today everything had been going okay. She thought maybe V had stopped targeting her finally, and that maybe she could be free to start a life with Rick. She should have known that was wistful thinking.

Now they were in even more danger than before, and she had an unknown drug in her system.

She hadn't gotten checked out by a doctor yet. She didn't want there to be any way for V to find out about her pregnancy. But now she was scared that this drug could have affected the fetus in some way...

However, if she went to a doctor then she could be putting the baby in even more danger by alerting V of its existence.

"Oh God..." she groaned. She already felt like a terrible mother.

**xoxoxoxoxoxox**

The answer came to her as the feeling in her limbs did.

She grabbed her phone, relieved that they left it on her person.

"Lanie, don't react or let anyone know you're talking to me. I need you to come get me and _not tell anyone._ I need some medical help."

**xoxoxoxoxoxox**

"Girl, what the hell happened to you? And where the fuck are we?!" Lanie pulled up in her Altima looking extremely confused and concerned. Kate took one look at her and began to laugh and sob at the same time. She got into the passenger side of the car and wordlessly threw herself into Lanie's arms.

"I am so glad to see you right now, Lanie. You are such a good friend."

"Damn right." she huffed, patting Kate on the back and then pulling back to survey her wounds.

"Do I need to call Javi and Kevin? Who did this to you?"

"Lanie, it's okay. I need your discretion on this. I need this to stay just between us. And I need you to understand there are some things I cannot tell you. Not right now." She held her friend's gaze to convey the severity of the situation.

"Kate, I can't keep a secret if it's dangerous to you-"

"Lanie, I need you to keep this secret in order to save my life, okay? You'll understand more in a bit, just… I need you to take me to the lab... as long as no one else is scheduled to be there today, right?"

Lanie studied her for a moment and nodded. She put her car in drive and set off to the lab.

**xoxoxoxoxoxox**

"So are we just cleaning your wounds? And Kate, you've got some nasty ones... This is gonna hurt." Lanie got out strips of gauze and disinfectant.

"Lanie," Kate's voice was small and caught her best friend's attention. Their eyes met and Kate's face crumbled. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh, Honey, come here," the ME gathered her in a hug and rubbed soothing circles on her back. Kate cried as Lanie shushed her. "It's going to be okay, Baby girl, this is not a bad thing, you'll see."

"No, Lanie. I..." Kate pulled back and took a deep breath. "I can't tell you the details so please don't ask, but earlier today I was drugged with something that paralyzed me, and I'm afraid it hurt the baby... I'm so afraid. God I'm already the world's worst mother."" She began to cry again.

"Kate, it's okay, Honey. This is what we're going to do. I'm going to make you an OB/GYN appointment-"

"No!" Kate interrupted, her eyes wild. "Lanie, you know how V is, how he targets me. I can't have there be any record of this baby. I can't go to a doctor."

"Kate..." Lanie started carefully. "Are you… are you considering an abortion?"

"No!" Kate responded immediately. "No! I'm going to have this baby. I see too many lives being taken away every day. I don't want to take the start of a life for granted. No matter how... poorly timed... and... dangerous... oh, Lanie, I don't know how this is going to work!""

"Have you talked to Castle about it?" Lanie asked. Kate's head snapped up.

"How did you-?"

"Of course it's Castle's, Katherine Beckett!"

"All right. Fair enough." She shook her head and looked at her feet on the tiled floor guiltily. "I haven't told him yet."

"Kate! That boy would do anything for you! And this baby! You don't have to do this alone, Woman! You need to tell him. That's your solution right there!" Lanie scoffed and shook her head. "Imma smack you!"

"Please, Lanie. I will, on my own time... I just... Today I need to know if this baby is okay. Can you do that for me?" Lanie's eyes grew soft and she nodded.

"Okay Kate Beckett. Let's see what we can do in this Lab for the Dead."

After scrounging around for tools to setup and pilfering a few supplies and an ultrasound machine from the medical storage room down the hall, Lanie got a makeshift hospital bed ready for Kate.

"How far along do you think you are, Kate?"

"If I had to guess... I'd say 12 weeks."

"You've always been a tiny thing, Kate Beckett. Make sure you eat more than usual since you've got an extra tummy to feed now. And eat healthier too. No more take out towers in your fridge, ya hear!"

"All right, Aunt Lanie," Kate rolled her eyes.

"Hmm... I like that. Aunt Lanie." she smiled to herself. "And some prenatal vitamins wouldn't hurt."

"How would I explain THOSE if someone found the bottle?" Kate asked, exasperated.

"Hide them in an aspirin bottle," Lanie said matter-of-factly.

"You knew that trick way too quickly. Should I be concerned? Personal experience?"

"Shut up before I kill you with one of them shiny knives over there." Lanie unceremoniously chose that moment to squeeze some cold gel on Kate's stomach.

"Ooooooooh, that's cold!"

"They don't call me a cold hearted bitch for nothing," Lanie smirked.

"The gel, Lanie!" The two friends shared a laugh.

"If you went to one of them fancy doctor's offices they'd warm it up for you. I guess down here dead people don't complain about the gel being cold as much."

Kate was quiet for a few moments.

"I really appreciate you doing this for me, Lanie."

"Psshh. I'm going to be the first one to see my little niece or nephew. It's no problem."

She put the wand on Kate's belly and moved it around a bit, rubbing in the gel.

"Kate, look," she said in awe, pointing to the screen. "There's little Baby Beckett-Castle."

"Oh my God." Again, tears formed in her eyes, only this time they were happy tears. This little bean-ish thing was her child. She _made _it. She and Castle. In 6 more months it would come out and be its own person; a little boy or girl with his soft hair and her hazel eyes... She was somebody's _mom_.

"Hold on, Kate. That's not the coolest part..."

Suddenly a whooshing sound filled the room and an overwhelming swell of love flowed through her.

"Is that?"

"That's your son or daughter's heartbeat, Kate. It's very strong. Sounds like they take after you." She winked.

"So... the baby's okay?" Kate asked timidly. She gathered some of the sheet beneath her into her hands and clenched it tight.

"I'm going to do a few more blood tests just to be super careful, but from what I can tell, Baby Beckett-Castle is healthy. Whatever you were drugged with did not affect him or her. Oh, and you were right. You are about 13 weeks pregnant. At about 20 weeks you can tell the gender." Seeing Lanie light up with excitement had Kate smiling involuntarily.

"I can't believe this is happening," she mused. Lanie shut down the machine and helped her clean the gel off her stomach.

"Well, you're almost to the point that you should start to show. If you didn't believe it before, you will now."

"Thanks for that, Lanie." Kate growled.

"Just saying, if you need someone to go maternity shopping with, you know I'm always up for a Girl's Day..." Lanie hopped up on the exam table turned bed and nudged her playfully.

Kate grinned and nudged her back.

"I know you are." She threw her arms around Lanie and hugged her tight.

"Thank you so much."

"Anytime, Girlfriend. You keep that baby of yours safe, okay? And tell that boyfriend of yours soon!"

**xoxoxoxoxoxox**

By the time Kate got back to her apartment, she was practically drooling at the thought of sinking into her own bed. However, her plans were interrupted when she sensed another presence as soon as she entered her apartment.

"Oh, God, Kate!" Castle rushed forward and gathered her in his arms. She melted into his embrace, cool relief spreading through her body at the thought of not having to hide anything from him anymore. She found out how wrong she was and immediately tensed as he began to ramble.

"An Officer from the 54th called... An Officer Vasquez? He told me about the fight you broke up today after leaving the loft. I was so worried!" He pulled back to examine her purpled face in the soft glow of the living room lamp. "You're hurt."

"I'll be okay, Rick. Lanie fixed me up." She gave him a tired smile and leaned forward to press a kiss to his jaw. "I just want to go to bed... forget this day ever happened."

He regarded her with genuine concern for a moment before nodding slowly.

"All right. Do you want me to leave?"

She hesitated, before giving into her selfish heart.

"Please stay... I want you to hold me."

He brushed a stray hair back from her forehead and then took her hand, leading her to the bedroom. They silently undressed before folding themselves under the covers and into each other's arms.

She was too afraid to close her eyes, trying in vain to calm herself by resting her and Rick's intertwined hands right above her womb.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Oh my gosh, thank you so much for reviewing the last chapter (and following and favoriting)! That was the most feedback I've gotten yet for a chapter, and I really loved hearing from all of you. It's nice to know people are reading, and hear what you think. I must sound like a broken record, but it's true. I am grateful to every one of you and am so happy when you take the time to drop a line, so thank you so much! xo**

**Here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Chapter 13**

"I see you've learned how to follow directions," the man in the shadows seemed to have a sick sense of humor. Castle was starting to lose his patience with his informant's games.

"You've left me no other choice," he spat out bitterly. To his irritation, Jackson Hunt chuckled.

"You always have a choice, Richard. You just may not like the outcome." In an instant the tension in the air between them shifted. Castle involuntarily shivered.

"Do you have the information you promised? I told Kate I'm on a coffee run. Coffee runs don't take all day." He knew he was playing with fire by being rude to the man who claimed to hold the key to saving Kate's life and solving their mothers' murders, but Jackson Hunt seemed to grate on him the way few people had before.

"Have you ever read _Casino Royale_?"

"Excuse me?" Castle asked incredulously. "What does this have to do with V?"

"In exchange for what I tell you, I want you to tell me something. It's not an unreasonable demand, no?"

Castle glared at the man suspiciously.

"I answer the question, and you give me vital information to take down V?"

Jackson Hunt raised his eyebrows comically.

"Is it that hard of a question, Richard? It seems like a pretty good deal to me."

Castle grew quiet, wringing his hands together in a nervous tic.

"Yeah. Someone... a man in a library... handed me a copy of _Casino Royale_ when I was a kid. I read it and loved it, everything about it. The language, the plot, the characters, the action... I knew as soon as I read that book that I wanted to create worlds like that. I wanted to be a writer." He shook himself out of the haze of his tale, ""now it's your turn."

Hunt took his time taking a seat on a random parked car in the darkened parking garage. He buried his left hand in his trench coat pocket before pulling out a crumpled slip of paper attached to a key.

"The deposit box listed on this page... holds a file with evidence that can be used against V," he paused, stepping forward so a strip of light illuminated his eyes. Castle gasped as he swore he saw a glimpse of gray-blue eyes. However, Hunt stepped back immediately and his face was obscured again before Castle could see all of his features.

"There are several files like this one in existence. I cannot give them to you all at once, or my own deal with V to ensure my safety would be in jeopardy. However, I promise you I will get you all of them over a short period of time, and help you build a case against V. This is your answer, Richard. I will get you the life you want with Kate. A life where you, Kate, and your daughter can live without the threat of V." Hunt bent over and pressed the paper with the deposit box information onto the hood of the car. He began to turn and make his way back into the shadows when Castle called out to him.

"Wait!" The man stopped but did not turn back around. "What's in this for you?"

"I want V put away as much as you do. It's the only way the people I love can stay safe." With that, Jackson Hunt disappeared into the nondescript background of the concrete parking garage.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

"I was beginning to think you left me and ran off with the barista," Kate joked, gratefully accepting her coffee from Castle before realizing she could not actually drink it.

"No," Castle smoothly chuckled, hardly fazed. "But I was considering proposing marriage to anyone who let me cut in that atrociously long line." Sneaking a glance at Captain Montgomery's office, he leaned down and gave Kate a quick kiss.

"Thank you," she smiled against his lips.

"The things I do for you," he smirked cheekily.

"You know, you could do some of the paperwork..." she started, holding up a huge stack of files that had been accumulating on her desk.

"I would _definitely_ just get in the way of your paperwork system you've perfected over the years," he winked, to which Kate scoffed.

"Funny, you don't seem to worry about getting in the way of anything else I do..."

Castle grinned and leaned in close to Kate's ear.

"Face it, Detective, you love it when I pull your pigtails." He delighted in seeing her face flush and her hands clutch at her desk tightly. Deciding to give her a break, he took a seat in his designated chair across the desk from her and propped his feet up on the surface. She immediately swiped them off, causing him to pout but readjust his positioning so he was still comfortable.

"So what's new around here, Detective Beckett?" His voice softened. "You were gone when I woke up this morning. Is there a new case you didn't tell me about?"

Kate skillfully avoided his eyes as she played with the edge of her coffee cup.

"No new case. I'm just a little behind on paperwork… wanted to get a head start on the day." Castle nodded and sighed.

"Well, since I can tell I'm not needed here, I'll get out of your hair. Dinner at the loft though? Alexis has been missing you something _fierce_."

Kate smirked at that and swatted at him as he leaned in again.

"Well, you can tell _Alexis_ I've missed her too. And you too I guess. I'll be sure to swing by after work, I just have to stop by my apartment to change into something for dessert that I think you'll like…" she trailed off with a seductive smile and bite of her lower lip.

"You know, we don't really have to eat dinner," Castle said in a strained voice. "I'm sure Alexis has homework…"

"No, no, Rick. I'll see you at 6. We'll save dessert for later tonight. It'll be much sweeter that way." With that, she returned to her paperwork, effectively dismissing Castle.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

Castle breathed a sigh of relief as the bank employee led him to the safety deposit boxes. Thankfully, he only needed to show Hunt's key and provide a flimsy cover story of a recently deceased father before the teller granted him access to the box. His eyes skimmed the rows of steel containers before coming upon his destination.

"Here is your father's box, Sir. If you have any questions, please come find an employee at the front desk. I'm sorry for your loss." With a curt nod, the pale young man scurried away, back into the main hallway.

When he was sure he was alone in the cold room, Castle took his time unlocking the metal door and taking out the contents of Hunt's safety deposit box. Inside he found a single manila folder that he brought to the oak table in the middle of the room.

The official looking file was marked "Johanna Beckett" in thick black sharpie. His heart pounded violently against his chest. He opened it and began to read.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

Kate looked up at the clock in dismay. She had 10 minutes until the guards in the records room changed shifts. However, Karpowski and LT had requested her help on an interrogation of one of their suspects in a tough case. Ryan had just come to tell her they needed her in Room 2 now.

"Ryan… I can't make it there right now," she pleaded.

"What do you mean you can't, Beckett? Is everything all right?" the Irishman observed her with his kind blue eyes, genuinely concerned for her wellbeing.

"The … the fight from yesterday… I feel-" She'd never been so grateful for morning sickness as she was at that moment. A tide of nausea bubbled up in her stomach, and Kate reflexively covered her mouth.

"Whoa, Beckett. You look a little green. Hey, I'll handle Karpowski and LT. You just go home and feel better." She watched as he hurried off, a little too quickly for her to feel legitimately guilty for lying to him.

Kate gathered her things and trudged to the elevator, glancing at the clock. 5 minutes.

"Hey, Beckett!"

She turned around. Esposito was running toward her, waving an envelope in his hand.

"This just came for you from the 54th. Guy said it's paperwork from the fight yesterday."

She had to stop her eyes from widening and schooled her features as she gingerly took the envelope from him.

"Thanks, Espo. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

He gave her a bright smile.

"All right, Beckett. Have a good one."

As soon as the elevator doors closed she released a huge breath. Her hands shook as she opened the envelope.

Inside was a list of numbers that corresponded to evidence in the records room.

At the bottom was a handwritten note,

_Since you__'__re already setting a fire, here are more things to burn._

The corresponding cases had nothing to do with V, as far as she knew. She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes, forcing the tears to stay beneath her eyelids. _How deep does this thing go? _Unfortunately for her, she was already too far in to back out.

She jumped as the elevator dinged, and willed her legs to carry her to the Evidence and Records room.

Before coming down here she'd disabled the lower level security cameras for 30 minutes from the control room on the Robbery floor. When she had first started working at the 12th as a rookie, one of the men in Security had had somewhat of a crush on her and had once shown her how to work the system 'should the need ever arise'. Months later he had lost his job for misusing the surveillance system to spy on female officers in the women's locker rooms, but Beckett was grateful for his disregard for the precinct rules today as she now knew how to manipulate and disarm the entire Precinct security system.

She slipped into the stacks of musty files and boxes as the guard's shift ended and the next one on duty always arrived at least half an hour late to work. After spending so much time reviewing her mother's case in these stacks, it was easy to navigate the numbers and find exactly what evidence V was looking for. She acted on autopilot, compartmentalizing her emotions as she shifted all of Martha Rogers and her mother's case's evidence as well as the listed items into her oversized gym bag. Her only focus was getting the job done.

When it was complete, she didn't stick around. Kate walked briskly out of the lower level and out the back exit of the precinct.

She didn't cry when she felt her face slam into the pavement. A strong grip pinned her arms behind her back.

"Did you do as you were told?" Her assailant hissed into her hair. She lay there limply, not replying until he jabbed his elbow into her back, jolting her into responding.

"The evidence is in my gym bag. All of it."

She heard him unzip the bag and paw through the plastic evidence bags. She didn't even try to get up.

"He'll be in touch."

He was gone, and so was her gym bag.

She didn't cry when she realized it was 6:38, and she still hadn't been home to change before heading to the loft.

"I'm sorry," she lamented into the phone. "I got held up at work. You know me." She hated hiding things from him.

When she got to the loft, she threw her purse on the leather couch. She pulled her heels off her tired feet, and walked over to the kitchen, intending to melt into Castle's arms as soon as possible. He was sitting at the table, his gaze dark and fearful. She froze and looked at the file he was holding in front of him. She saw that it read JOHANNA BECKETT in bold black lettering. Only then did the tears begin to pour from her eyes.

She put her hands up to her cheeks, stunned to find them wet.

Once she let herself cry, she found it hard to stop.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thank you so much for your patience with me and my slow updating (whoops!). Real life has been a little ridiculous lately.**

**As always, thank you for the reviews and messages! I am so grateful you all are even reading my story in the first place, and taking the time and extra effort to drop me a line and give me some feedback! Thank you **_**so**_** much!**

**Unfortunately this chapter is a bit short (it made the most sense to end it this way), but it is important. The next one is much longer (I promise!). xo**

**Chapter 14**

He held her hand and led her to the table. He didn't lie and tell her everything was going to be okay.

"My mother…" She began to say through her sobs.

"Shhhh," Castle interrupted, reaching his hand out to rub soothing circles on her back. "I'll explain everything. You've got to breathe, though, Kate." She pushed angrily at him, shaking her head.

"Kate," he said firmly. "I promise I'm going to tell you as soon as possible, but you're making yourself sick."" She held tightly to his arm and focused on her breathing, willing her mild panic attack to subside.

Castle kept his eyes locked with hers, making exaggerated, calm breaths for her to mimic. Once he was satisfied that her heart rate had returned to almost normal, he reached for the folder.

"Kate, I-"

"Don't sugarcoat it for me Castle," she cut in. "I need you to treat me like a detective, not some helpless little girl."

"I know that. I know _you_. I just get scared from seeing what this does to you," he told her honestly, and rubbed his face tiredly. When he saw she wasn't backing down, he sighed and gave a bittersweet smile.

"Right. I've been doing some research on the side, exploring all angles of my mother's case to prevent it from going cold, and today I came across some information on your mother that I think you need to see." He didn't miss the flash of anger that crossed Kate's face as he told of his own investigation.

"You're investigating V on your own?! Are you insane?!" She rose from her chair then, completely disregarding her mother's file.

"Castle, V will kill you if he finds out! You talk to the wrong person, send up just one red flag…"

"Kate!" he interjected. "Didn't you hear me, I found important information for the case! You need to see it!" He reached for her, but she continued to back away.

"I cannot believe you'd do something so reckless, so… idiotic! Did you forget Castle, you are not the detective, _I _am! You're just a writer!"

An uncomfortable silence settled over the loft, and Kate immediately regretted what she said. However, Castle remained determined to get her to see what was in the folder, and he didn't want her to have to face it alone.

"Kate, I will forgive that comment because I think you are scared of what's in this folder and you don't actually mean what you are saying. But please, sit down. You need to see what I found." He pulled out the chair next to him and beckoned with a tilt of his head.

"I'm right here, Kate, and I'm not going anywhere. We will do this and end this together."

She shook her head and slowly sat down next to him.

"What did I do to deserve you, Rick?" she whispered.

"I love you, Kate," he said softly.

She opened and closed her mouth and then smiled slightly.

"I… I love you too." She pressed her lips to his gently in a sweet kiss.

Castle pulled back first and rested his head against hers.

"Thank you," he whispered. He slipped his hand in hers and squeezed it.

"Some of this is going to be hard to hear, Kate, and I'm sorry."

"Castle," she said warningly, and he sighed.

"All right. I found records that Johanna Beckett had been working on a case in the 90s about a suspicious naval business that many believed to be a drug front."

"Okay," Kate said, confused. "I've been through all of her cases but that one doesn't sound familiar."

"I'm getting to that. A man named Joe Purdano was seen by witnesses entering the docks at around 12AM, and his body was found stabbed to death the next morning."

"Stabbed?!"

"Yes," Castle's eyes flashed, a grim smile on his face. "Your mother was the lawyer for the defendant, a man by the name of Carlos Ramirez who pled not guilty."

"She believed he was innocent then…" Kate surmised, the wheels in her head turning.

"Kate, there's more. Ramirez claimed he was framed by the naval company who owned the docks, a corporation by the name of VanTek, Inc." He watched as she made the connection, her eyes widening and the blood rushing from her face.

"V! Castle…"

"God, Kate, if only it stopped there. But there's more that you need to know."

She watched as he took a shuddering breath as if preparing himself.

"Do you want anything to drink? Or should I continue?"

"If you value your man parts you _will _continue Castle…"

"Right. So your mom lost the case… Something that seemed to be pretty rare for her. And it looks like she took it pretty hard. Or at least that's part of how I explain her next move… And you know how dedicated she was to her work…"

"Castle, what did she do?" Kate was almost afraid to ask, the knot in her stomach growing.

"Kate, your mom was so smart. She did something no other person has been able to do before. She figured out the person behind VanTek, Inc, and therefore the person behind V. She figured out who V is. But then she did something.. not so smart."

"She didn't…"

"Kate, your mom completely infiltrated V's network… and was V's mistress."

She violently kicked her chair away from her as she stood and ran to the nearest bathroom, throwing up the little she'd eaten into the toilet.

Kate weakly pushed at Castle as she felt him kneel beside her and his warm hands pull her hair away from her face. He rubbed her back comfortingly as another round of sickness hit her.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't," she croaked. "I'm glad you told me. Can you get me some water and my toothbrush?"

He smiled sadly and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Anything to make it better."

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

When she met him back out in the kitchen she saw the folder was open and several pages were strewn across the table.

"I thought you might want to see some hard evidence… if you're feeling better."

"You know me so well," she chuckled.

Together they sat down and poured over the evidence of Johanna Beckett's sordid affair with one of the country's most vicious druglords.

"I wonder if my dad knows…" she said quietly. Castle considered her thoughtfully.

"Are you going to tell him?" he asked. Kate looked up.

"I'm going to have to, if we get justice, right?"

"_When _we get justice," Castle corrected, and he said it with such conviction that Kate almost burst into tears again.

"When we get justice," she repeated, and this time, she almost believed it.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Here's another chapter! Thank you so much to everyone that left a review for the last chapter! I love hearing from you, and I'm glad you're still reading :) Hope you enjoy this next one. More soon.**

**Chapter 15**

**-interlude: johanna beckett- **

_She didn't belong here. _

_ She stared at her face in the mirror and grimaced at the blatant display of wealth she saw. Diamonds and gold adorned her neck and wrists. The designer gown she wore alone cost more than her annual salary. Her pumps were even encrusted with precious jewels as if people would be scrutinizing her feet as she walked by to see if she really fit the part of a druglord's whore._

_ He told her it was love, that she'd changed him, made him want to be a better man. He showered her with gifts and kisses and swore the man she saw in the news was nothing like the man whose heart she stole. She knew better. He was only playing a part. But she was playing a part too._

_ She didn't belong here._

_ She missed her husband. Right now he was at their cabin in upstate New York, fishing with some college friends of his. He had been growing his hair out recently. She loved to run her hands through the soft strands as they lay in bed together, reading the Sunday paper._

_ She missed her teenage daughter, who was growing into a beautiful woman. She was on a school trip right now to Europe. The other day she'd told her mom she wanted to go to law school, just like her. It terrified her sometimes, how alike they were. Because they were so similar, Johanna Beckett knew that if she didn't come out of this alive, her daughter would never stop until she found out the truth._

_ It was her fault, really. Genetics only go so far, and then Johanna raised her daughter with the ideals she herself had always believed in that would ultimately lead to her downfall._

_ Vincit Omnia Veritas: Truth Conquers All._

_ Before she put on mascara, she took a moment to wipe the tears from her eyes. _

_ She hoped with the little faith she had left that Katie would never find out the truth._

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

They sat at the table well into the early morning, pouring over the file's contents.

"So… what happened to all the information she gathered about V?" Kate asked, breaking the silence. "She must have been feeding it to someone… She wouldn't have just been sitting on it."

Castle nodded excitedly, shifting papers until he found the one he needed.

"I found mention of a CIA handler working with her. They just refer to them by a codename though, Remus. Apparently Remus was working inside the organization with your mother and also feeding information to the CIA." He fell silent, glancing up at Kate to see how she was processing all of this.

"I just don't understand… How could she do this? How could she lead this double life… lie to me and my dad, claim to love us and want what was best for us, but then become the _mistress_ of some violent druglord on the weekends. All for… what?" Kate took a shuddering breath and pushed the papers away. "She always said 'truth conquers all.' I used to think that was a hopeful message. Now I think it's what killed her." With that, Kate got up from the table and walked toward the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" Castle asked worriedly, gingerly pushing himself up from the table to follow her.

"I'm going to take a shower," she spat. "Clean my mind a bit."

"Kate-"

"I'm okay, Castle," she paused at the door, sending him a pleading look. "I just need to be alone right now. I'm not running; I'm just taking a nice, _long_ shower."

He nodded resignedly as the door clicked shut. He started shuffling the loose pages, putting them back in the envelope when a thought hit him.

"No… it couldn't be…" His heart started to race like it always did when he thought of a great story. "Holy sh-"

Like clockwork, his cell phone vibrated next to him.

"Hello, Remus," he said into the phone.

"Good, you've read the file," Jackson Hunt barked without missing a beat.

"Oh, come on, you're not even going to compliment me for figuring that one out so fast?" he whined.

"I'll be sure to bring a gold star sticker when we meet next," the man quipped dryly.

"And when will that be?" Castle inquired, shuffling over to the fridge to find something to snack on.

"Noon. I'll text you the location."

"Noon?!"

There was a pause on the other line.

"Is that a problem, Richard?"

"Uh… It's just that… Noon's kind of… early for me. On Sundays I like to sleep in a bit-"

"I will see you at Noon, Richard. Do not be late. And do not tell anyone."

The line went dead.

Castle yawned as he poured himself a mug of milk and trudged over to the microwave. He watched with glazed eyes as the cup spun on the glass plate and the blue numbers counted down to 0.

As he sat at the kitchen bar and sipped his warm milk, he could see the sky beginning to lighten out the window.

A pair of arms snaked around his waist from behind and he yelped.

"Kate! I almost spilled my milk!"

"That would have been tragic," she hummed, and buried her nose into his neck. With her damp hair this close he could smell her cherry shampoo.

"Very," he said distractedly as she began to pepper kisses on his shoulder.

"I know what would make it better," she said in a low voice as she ran her hands down his back.

"You do?" he bit out, holding his breath. He closed his eyes involuntarily as her hands went further down south.

Suddenly the sweet sensation of her touch was gone, and he opened his eyes to find her smiling brightly and laughing at him, farther away than she was moments before.

"A sippy cup." She literally _strutted_ out of the kitchen as he shook his head and cursed under his breath. He should have seen that coming.

Once he'd gathered his bearings, he followed her into the living room to find her on his laptop.

"What are you working on?" he asked carefully, though he already had an idea.

"I think we need to find Remus," she informed him without looking up. Castle quickly schooled his face into a neutral expression.

"How should we do that?" He took a seat next to her on the couch. Finally she faced him.

"I have some contacts at the CIA… I thought I'd put out a few feelers in case anyone has any information." She turned back to the laptop and resumed typing.

"Are you sure that's a good idea with V apparently having eyes and ears everywhere, Kate?" He asked. He noticed as she stiffened and took a moment to compose herself. Taking a deep breath, she shut the laptop and pushed it aside. She reached out and took his hands in hers.

"Rick, I'm not sure of anything anymore, except that I want a life with you. And for me to have a life with you, we have to end this. By any means necessary."

He brought her hands to his lips and kissed them.

"By any means necessary," he repeated, and tried to ignore the ominous feeling brewing in his stomach.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

"You're late." Jackson Hunt was very displeased.

"Well, traffic was terrible-"

"You slept in," the man interrupted pursing his lips. "You're lucky I didn't leave, Mr. Castle. Katherine Beckett's life depends on you."

Castle's mood sobered immediately. He felt his cheeks flush and wondered why he felt like a schoolboy in the principal's office.

"How did she take it?" Hunt continued as if he hadn't just properly scolded a 40 year old man for oversleeping.

"I'd say pretty well, considering she had to find out her mother was screwing a sociopathic druglord who eventually murdered said mother, then her boyfriend's mother, and also has been tormenting her for years," Castle bit out bitterly.

"Johanna did not enjoy being his … 'companion,'" Jackson Hunt shot back, his own eyes glowing with anger. "She did what had to be done. She acquired invaluable information-"

"Yeah, and where is that information?" Castle yelled, throwing his hands in the air. He took two threatening steps toward Hunt. "What good did this information do? He's still killed her, he's still running free… and he _killed my mom!_" His eyes widened as he realized what he had just said. He brought a hand up to his mouth and tried to control his breathing.

"He killed my mom," he repeated softly.

Hunt stepped toward him carefully, his eyes sad and kind.

"I know, Richard, and he is not going to get away with that. We are going to take him down. He will pay for what he did." The parking garage was silent as the two men regarded each other with a new understanding.

"What did you bring for me?" Castle asked at last. Hunt deflated a bit, but reached into his suit pocket. He walked further out of the shadows toward Castle and extended the envelope to him; a peace offering.

Castle took it and nodded to the mysterious man.

"Anything else?"

Hunt paused as something flashed in his eyes. He regarded Castle with a thoughtful gaze.

"Just… be careful."

He turned and strode deeper into the shadows until he was gone.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hello again! Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter! And thank you for sticking with this story! You all are the greatest.**

**I know some of you are a little miffed at Kate's actions (to put it lightly) and may not like her reaction in this chapter… I've put an A/N at the end of this chapter explaining my thinking on her behavior in this chapter. The rest of her behavior (ie her not telling Castle yet) should be better explained in later chapters I hope. xo**

**Important: Trigger warnings for mentions of alcoholism/addiction, domestic violence, child abuse**

**Chapter 16**

**-interlude: Remus-**

_He watched her as she sat in the garden, flipping through some paperback mystery novel she'd picked up at the supermarket earlier that morning._

_ He could see the toll being in this place was taking on her. She still smiled, but he could tell it was a chore to do so. Her eyes were dull. They'd been brighter than any diamond Henry could buy her when she'd first showed up on his arm._

_ He couldn't help but feel guilty. He should have seen this coming. He was used to being alone, to the lying and deception; she wasn't._

_He couldn't help but feel protective of her. She was a good person. She didn't have blood on her hands like he did. She had a family._

_Her head snapped up as he approached, her eyes immediately alert._

"_Oh, it's you!" she smiled, her features softening._

"_How are you doing, Johanna?" he asked kindly. A dark look passed over her face, quickly replaced by a neutral expression: a mask._

"_I'm fine."_

"_You're not fine." His eyes bore into hers. She defiantly stared back and then sighed._

"_Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it," she confessed, folding the corner of a page from her book back and forth nervously._

_He waited, sensing there was more._

"_I hate lying to my family," she said tearfully, placing the book on the bench beside her and curling her hand into a fist. "God, you must think I'm so weak."_

"_I don't think you're weak," he assured her. "I think you're human." _

"_Does it get any easier?" she asked, biting her lip._

_He stiffened, unsure of what to say. She seemed to understand, and patted his hand._

"_Thank you," she smiled, and got up, leaving him deep in thought._

_He vowed to end this as soon as possible. If not for her family, then for his. _

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

When he walked into the loft he was greeted by a very irate Kate Beckett.

"Where were you?" she asked angrily, coming up from the couch to confront him.

"I just went to take a walk," he responded, trying to act as casual as possible. She narrowed her eyes.

"For two hours? With V out there? Castle, that's crazy!" She moved to take his face in her hands, but he ducked and inched toward his study, suddenly remembering the folder in his jacket.

"I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. You know how I get though… I lose track of time…" He trailed off and gave her what he hoped was a charming smile as he began to unzip his jacket.

"Just please tell me next time," she said dejectedly. He glanced back to see her getting a bottle of water from the fridge and breathed a sigh of relief. He'd do damage control later. First he had to hide the envelope until he found a good time to take it out.

As he was shoving it in his bottom desk drawer, he heard her voice from behind him.

"What is that?"

He jumped.

"Jeez! You're like a cat! I didn't even hear you come in!" He nervously scratched behind his ear as he tried to think of an excuse.

"What is that file, Castle? And why would you have it with you on your walk?"

He expected her to be angry, but his heart sank when instead he saw hurt in her eyes. It rendered him speechless for a moment too long.

"Castle, what is going on?" She began to get frantic.

"Kate, just let me explain…" He grabbed both of her hands in his and began to exaggerate his breathing in hopes she'd regulate hers too. She wrenched her hands away from his and backed up, trying instead to get control of her panic on her own.

A few moments later, she looked up at him again, her breathing back to normal and mouth set in a firm line.

"Fine, explain."

He took a deep breath.

"I've been being contacted by a man who calls himself Jackson Hunt… he's trying to help us put away V. He's the one who gave me the file on your mom."

Kate stared at him. She pulled up the office chair and sat down, sliding her hands across her jeans.

"I don't even… How do you know you can trust him, Castle?"

Castle smiled sadly, still keeping his distance.

"He's Remus, Kate."

At that, she shuddered but nodded slowly.

"All right. I trust you." He felt his heart swell in response. He knew what a big step it was for her to trust him, let alone admit that. "But why didn't you trust _me_?" His face fell.

"I do! Kate, I trust you more than anyone else in the world," he sat down on the corner of his desk. "He told me not to tell anyone… I'm still not supposed to tell you. He's going to get pissed when he finds out I told you, and the man is _scary _when he is pissed…" He shuddered as he remembered his scolding from earlier that day. "From now on though, no more secrets, okay?"

She smiled sadly.

"You still should have told me…but I can understand why you didn't." Her eyes shifted to the file sticking out of his drawer. "Shall we look at it?"

Castle made a mental note to revisit the issue later, sensing there was something else looming behind her dark eyes. He sighed and grabbed the file.

They both looked at the label with confusion and anticipation.

"Vandergraff." Kate read out loud. They looked at each other with excitement.

"You take half I take half, then we debrief each other?" Castle suggested.

"I'm all for debriefing each other," Kate said while licking her lips seductively. Castle gasped.

"Why, Katherine Beckett, I never!"

"What can I say, Castle, you've completely corrupted me." She grabbed half of the papers and gave him a wicked grin.

"You were long gone before I even met you, you minx," he grumbled under his breath.

"What was that, Kitten?"

"I said 'This is going to take a long time, I think,'" he called out.

"I don't know," she said slowly. "It doesn't usually take a long time with you."

"Ouch!" Castle exclaimed. "Really, Kate? That is just _evil_…"

"Shhhhh!" She shushed him, putting her hand over his mouth. "I'm trying to read."

He gave an over exaggerated pout but finally turned his attention to the stack of papers in front of him in concession.

They read on in silence for a good half hour before simultaneously looking up from their portions of the file.

"Whoa," they said at the same time, meeting each other's eyes in disbelief.

"Was your 50 percent as crazy as my 50 percent?" Castle asked, his mouth hanging wide open.

"Only one way to find out," Kate said, massaging her temples with her fingers.

"I'll go first," Castle piped up.

"I figured," she rolled her eyes and grabbed a plush pillow from the other side of the couch.

"So, I got the first half of the Vandergraff story I'm guessing," he looked to her for confirmation. She tipped her head in the affirmative.

"The Vandergraffs were by all means a normal American family in the beginning of this story. There was a man, who was an immigrant from Russia in the early 1900's who came to find a better life for himself in America. He worked in a factory in the city, and found himself a young bride from a family that was close friends of his own. They had moved to America together, and even referred to each other as 'cousins' though they were not related by blood.

"The young bride became a mother, and the young man a father, to twin boys. The elder twin, by 6 minutes, they named Henry. The younger one was named Edward after the father.

_ "_As the twins grew up, the family fell on hard times. A fire broke out in the father's factory. He volunteered to stay behind and make sure everyone made it out safely. He succeeded in preventing many deaths, but as he was escaping the burning building himself a beam fell from the ceiling and crushed his leg, disabling him for the rest of his life and rendering him unable to work. He began to drink to drown his misfortunes. At first the wife took a job as a seamstress in a sweatshop to help support the family, but that was not enough to pay the bills and her husband's growing alcohol addiction.

"At night, the mother would beg for the father not to hit her in front of the children, but more often than not the twins would watch from behind the staircase as their mother screamed and their father became a liquor breathing monster.

"She always said she'd leave if he hit them, but she was already gone by the time that happened.

"They never performed an autopsy before they lowered her body into the cold ground, but her porcelain face was marred with bruises even in death. The father wouldn't allow the boys to cry. Emotions were a sign of weakness.

"Soon the twin boys grew into men, and they were bigger than their father, and they were angry.

"One day Henry walked in on their father hitting Edward with his liquor bottle. Edward had always been the scrawnier one, the more kind-hearted and quiet one; quick to forgive.

"Henry told Edward to go take a walk. Henry was only 6 minutes the elder, but Edward still looked up to him as if he were a father figure. When Henry told him to do something, he listened.

"He did as he was told, and when he came back, his father was gone. He never saw him again.

"The boys remained close through their teenage and college years. Edward went to the Marines and grew up to be a man. Henry took a different path to manhood.

"Not much is known about the beginning years of Henry Vandergraff's organization, and what little is known has been retold and changed to the point of becoming completely unreliable accounts overtime. However, the cold hard facts are that Vandergraff, Inc was started sometime in the 1960's by Henry Vandergraff. He quickly gained a reputation for being cunning and ruthless, gaining control of the northeastern drug trade in record time. By the 70's, Henry Vandergraff was known as V. By now his network has expanded even more to the international trade, and he is one of the most powerful, and dangerous men in the world. Though there is a plethora of information on him and his organization through several government agencies, he has to this day been untouchable in every sense of the word."

He finished and looked at Kate expectantly.

"How'd I do?"

"You should be a storyteller," she batted her eyelashes at him teasingly.

"I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered it," he quipped, taking a sip from his glass of water. He leaned back into the couch. "So we know the identity of V. And his backstory..."

"We know a bit more than that," Kate hinted, looking down at her stack of papers.

"Would you like to present your findings, Detective Beckett?" Castle drawled, smiling softly at her.

"Okay, but I'm doing bullet points, not a story," she warned.

"Whatever works for you," he said, and waved her on.

"Basically, Edward Vandergraff was a little freaked out when he came back from the Marines to find out his brother was running this crime syndicate. But he forgave him and even took a job working for Henry Vandergraff. However, there's a period of time where they had some bad blood for some reason, and there's not a lot of information about Edward's whereabouts. The information gets sketchy there. But, and this is pretty cool, Edward apparently went to work for the CIA. And in the late 80's, he went back to his brother to patch things up and get his job back. He started working as a double agent, feeding the information he gathered from Henry, or V, directly to the CIA. Castle-"

"No…. no way! Don't even say it. Are you serious?" He lurched forward on the couch in excitement.

"Yes! Edward Vandergraff, V's brother, is Remus, or Jackson Hunt."

**A/N2: I wanted to explain why I had Kate give up so easily and not fight Castle on why he'd been seeing Remus behind her back. I struggled with writing that part, but I think she does feel an overwhelming amount of guilt about what ****_she's_ hiding from him, so to be too harsh on him would make her feel even more guilty and hypocritical. She doesn't feel like she's earned his trust, no matter what he says. The Kate in my story has some self-worth issues, more than the one we know from the show even, but thankfully Castle is helping her through them.**

**Anyway, I didn't want it to seem like I was just cruising past that part of the plot and it wasn't important. I probably didn't have to make this Author's Note to explain my choices in detail, but I did struggle with that part and wanted to explain! I hope it makes sense. Eh.**

**Thanks for reading. More soon xo**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Wow, it's been a bit since my last update. My apologies! But thank you all SO much for sticking with this story and for your reviews, follows, favorites, and PMs. This has been a really rewarding experience for me. I probably shouldn't admit this, but it took me several years to write/finish this fic (I started it in the 3****rd**** season, before Caskett were even together in the show!). Longer than it took me to make my album (I'm a singer/songwriter), and I was really nervous to share it. So thank you so much for reading it.**

**Having said that, I realized there are only 2 more chapters after this, and probably an epilogue! So not done quite yet, but close.**

**I figured I'd post this update on #CastleFanficMonday. It's the first one I've participated in, but I think it's a great thing in a great fandom.**

**Enjoy this chapter! xo Molly**

****WARNING: Chapter gets dark and disturbing. A bit violent. Bad language. Creepy drug lord guy (super creepy, whoops).****

**Chapter 17**

"So how does your mother fit into this?" Kate asked later that afternoon. They were sitting at the kitchen bar, sharing a bowl of ranch to dip carrots and celery in for an afternoon snack.

"There must be something we're missing… Some huge piece in all this," Castle mused, his eyes widening as Kate playfully punched him in the shoulder.

"Hey! No double-dipping!" She scolded him.

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, need I remind you my tongue has literally been inside not only your mouth but-"

She cut him off by shoving a piece of celery in his mouth.

"Shut your celery hole, Castle," she giggled. He stared at her in disbelief. Did she just giggle?

Her face flushed pink as she noticed him staring at her for longer than was appropriate.

"So… what is our next step now that we know all this?" She looked at him expectantly.

"You're asking my opinion?" he sputtered, secretly pleased.

"Well… you are kind of my partner in crime, Castle. So to speak," she grinned, and he gave her a watery smile.

Moments later she cleared her throat.

"Oh, right," he stammered. "Well I think since V has been largely untouchable before, the way to get him is through our mothers' murder cases. Especially knowing what we do now. And I'm sure Jackson Hunt aka Remus aka Edward Vandergraff aka whatever the hell his name is at the moment will keep feeding us what he can."

Kate nodded her head slowly, her eyes downcast.

"Right… that sounds like a great idea. I can head to the station today and check on any progress, put things in perspective."

"Ooo, and I can try and reach out to Hunt, make sense of all this new stuff!" Castle beamed.

Kate chuckled and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

"I'll see you later, Babe. Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone."

She strolled out the door, unable to wipe the smile from her face at her boyfriend's antics.

As she was walking to her parked car, however, she sensed a presence behind her. A knot of anxiety began to form in her stomach. Still managing to keep a level head, she didn't let on that she knew someone was following her. As soon as she turned the corner, she flattened her back to the wall to wait.

As her assailant turned, she jumped from her hiding spot and swept his feet out from under him. She heard a crack as his head hit the ground and smirked proudly.

Just as she was about to make sure he stayed down, a dart flew from the shadows behind her and lodged itself in her neck.

"No, not again. You want to meet with me you call me like a normal person!" She shouted hysterically, fumbling with her keys for the panic button. Just as she managed to sound the alarm she felt the tranquilizer take hold, and sank to the ground.

As her vision blurred she heard footsteps, and distantly heard a click as the alarm was turned off.

She raised a limp hand in protest as a dark figure gathered her in his arms.

"You are not going to pass out, Miss Beckett. You just won't be able to fight back," he warned, chuckling as she attempted to push him away again.

He dumped her unceremoniously into the backseat of a car. She shivered involuntarily as his hands lingered longer than necessary.

She felt as if she were in a dream state as the men played top 40s country radio in the background. Her vision was still blurry, and her head felt small on her neck. This was doing wonders for her nausea. Looks like she would be taking another trip to Aunt Lanie after this. At this point she'd almost resigned herself to being a horrible mother.

Hot tears pricked her eyes as she thought of how she should have told Castle about the baby. She had been using the excuse that she wanted to protect him, to not trap him into staying with her because she was pregnant. She wanted to know he was with her because he loved her. However, they were well past that point by now. She knew without a doubt that he loved her and would never voluntarily leave her. And he would love this baby. She just knew he would do anything to protect them, which almost scared her ever more.

"Please, let me get out of this alive," she slurred.

"What's that, Sweetheart?" the man who had groped her asked with a shit eating grin on his face.

"I said, 'Please learn how to fucking drive,'" she spat, trying as best she could to look menacing.

The man slammed on the breaks without warning, causing Kate to fly forward in the car without any way to stop herself. The men laughed as she crumpled in a heap on the floor of the car.

The car finally stopped a few turns later, and they opened the door and dragged her out by her arms.

"Maybe I'll see you around, Sweetheart," the driver breathed into her ear and pinched her ass, throwing her onto the floor of what looked to be an abandoned hotel lobby. She literally growled at him in response.

Once they left, she was alone. A cold draft blew through the broken windows, rustling the yellowed fliers that had been stapled to the wooden bulletin board on the east wall. The vintage carpet was ripped in places, exposing rotting wood floorboards with rusted nails that were likely to give someone Tetanus if they stepped on them.

She attempted again to move her arms, and was disappointed to find she was still very weak. She couldn't even push herself up from the floor.

"Shit show," she murmured under her breath, mad at herself for being in this situation again.

"Hello, Katie," V called as he walked casually through the lobby doors. "You disobeyed me, and I am _very _displeased with you." He took a seat on a crimson lounge chair.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she bit out, her heart thundering in her chest. "I got all the evidence you requested, and I never told-"

"Do you honestly think I am an idiot, Katherine Beckett?" he shouted, standing from his seat. He walked menacingly toward her. "Do you honestly think I don't know that you've been working with not only your boyfriend, but _my brother_, to … what? Play a game of cops and robbers? Bring me to justice?" He laughed cruelly. "Your mother tried playing Nancy fucking Drew just like you, you stupid little girl, and look where that got her."

Something inside Kate snapped. She surged forward, throwing herself at his legs and almost knocking him over as she screamed,

"Don't you _dare_ talk about my mother!"

V looked shocked at first, but easily pushed her off, throwing her against the far wall. He grinned wickedly as the plaster cracked and Kate fell to the ground again. He began to circle her like a cat.

"Why not, Katie?" He dramatically adjusted his wristwatch as if bored with the conversation. "I knew her quite well. Better than most, even. I knew what made her tic… What made her moan… Where exactly to put my mouth-"

"Stop!" she yelled, shaking violently.

"You know," he continued, unperturbed. "You remind me so much of Jo… Your screams even sound the same, Katie. She screamed for hours when I murdered her in that alley, and yet no one came to save her. She just lay there, bleeding and screaming, pleading with me to make it stop. You're so much like your mother, Katie…" He trailed off.

"All right, you sick fuck. What do you want?" she finally got out, grasping the fabric of her shirt in her fist as tight as she could.

"Such a clever girl," he said excitedly, his moods shifting rapidly. "I want you to destroy the files my brother gave you. I want you to stop investigating. And since you have been a bad girl, I want you to leave Richard Castle."

"What?" she gasped. V only laughed.

"You didn't think disobeying my orders would go unpunished, did you Katie? You are lucky I'm not killing him for your disobedience. You should be thanking me, and know that next time I will not be so generous." He began to walk toward the door.

"Wait! No, I'm not leaving him! I can't leave him!"

"If you want him and his daughter to live you can. And you will. Now I'm tired of this conversation. Good bye."

The door clicked behind him. Kate yelled out in frustration.

She sighed as her arms began to tingle, willing her limbs to work better.

Half an hour later she was able to retrieve her phone.

"Hi, Lanie… I've got another favor to ask."

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

Castle strode through the bullpen whistling and holding two cups of coffee. His face lit up as he saw Kate's desk come into view, but he was quickly whisked away by Ryan and Esposito.

"Dude, we need to talk to you, like, yesterday!"

"Come into our huddle, Bro. This is big," Esposito dragged him into the break room before shutting the door and closing the blinds.

"So…. what's new, guys?" Castle asked nervously. Ryan and Esposito shared a glance before seemingly deciding something between the two of them.

"We think there's a mole," they said in unison.

"A mole!?" Castle squeaked. "What?"

"Some shady things have been going on with your mom's case, man," Esposito explained. "Ever since the beginning, and now all the evidence is gone from the Records room, not only for your mom's case but _all_ of V's cases, and the security cameras were mysteriously down at the time."

"Definitely an inside job," Ryan added.

"The evidence is gone?!" Castle exclaimed.

"Not good," Ryan agreed.

"Does Beckett know?" Castle inquired. The two detectives shook their heads.

"We haven't really seen Beckett much," Esposito shrugged. "We figured she was with you." Castle startled, narrowing his eyes.

"Guys, she left to come into the precinct hours ago! You mean to tell me she's not here?" His heart began to beat wildly.

"I haven't seen her," Esposito repeated. "Ryan, you seen her?"

"No," Ryan said, shaking his head. "I've been in and out all day though. Have you checked her desk to see if she had any leads she was following up on?"

"I'll go do that now," Castle said, hurrying out of the break room.

He rushed to her desk and began rifling through her papers, disappointed and scared to find nothing to suggest where she might be. Her computer was off as well.

"Castle!" he heard Esposito call. "Lanie just called me. She's with Lanie. They're having girl talk…. in the morgue. Which is kind of a weird place for girl talk, but it's not like I'm a girl or anything so how would I know…"

"Thanks, Espo," he breathed, grabbing his face in his hands and kissing him on the forehead. Esposito stared after him, stunned.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

The doors to the morgue slammed against the wall as Castle burst through, his eyes frantically finding Kate immediately. He strode over to where she sat on the exam table in two large steps, taking her hands in his.

"Don't do that to me again, Kate," he chastised. Kate's eyes widened as she took in his disheveled appearance and flushed face. Lanie grabbed her purse from the desk and gave a little wave.

"I'll let you two chat. Lock up behind you, please."

Kate and Castle barely acknowledged her leaving.

"What's wrong, Rick?"

"I came to the station looking for you, but you weren't there. Ryan and Esposito had no idea where you were," Castle explained, calming down. Kate gave him an incredulous look.

"I had to get a report from Lanie. You can't expect me to tell you _exactly_ where I'm going at all times. Sometimes plans change." Her voice began to rise.

"Kate, there's a sociopathic drug lord on the loose who is specifically targeting our families. I think I have a right to be a little on edge. And… Ryan and Esposito say there's some weird things going on with the case at the precinct." Kate's face darkened.

"Weird things?"

"Yeah. The evidence to all of the cases involving V are gone. Ryan and Espo think there's a mole."

Kate gave a shrill laugh.

"A mole? Castle, that's ridiculous. How would-"

"No! Think about it!" Castle interrupted, his voice taking on that excited edge it got when he started to unravel a case. "V has connections everywhere and always seems to be one step ahead of us. It would only make sense that he has someone at the 12th sabotaging the case. He's always been untouchable by law, and he gets that way by hiring people on the inside." Castle took a deep breath and got a thoughtful look on his face. "I read a bit more online about previous court cases he was involved in. There seems to be rumors that V likes to get leverage on innocent people who have access to the case. Threaten them and get them to do his dirty work. People with high status and good reputations who no one would ever suspect to be under his thumb." Castle paused. "He could have approached one of our team members… has anyone mentioned anything?"

Kate shook her head.

"N-no," she stuttered.

"I mean, it's not like they would say anything if he threatened them or their families," Castle mused. "It would have to be the last person we'd think of…"

"So what, are we going to start a witch hunt, Castle? Based on this 'theory'?" Kate said bitterly, having found her voice again. But Castle's attention was elsewhere.

"What's that?" he asked, reaching forward to push her hair aside. Kate immediately recoiled, pushing his hand away.

"It's nothing," she mumbled, hoping he'd drop it.

"No, you're hurt. Why are you hurt?" He asked, his eyes filled with concern. He reached forward again, only to have Kate lean back out of his reach.

"It's a bruise, on your neck. Kate, what are you hiding from me?" He asked, his expression growing dark. "That bruise was not there earlier this afternoon."

"I'm fine, Castle, I've got to get back to work," she ground out, hopping off the table and trying to breeze past him.

"No, Kate. Where did you get that bruise?" He blocked her path to the door.

"I was sparring in the gym and failed to block a punch."

"There's a needle mark on your neck."

Kate immediately went silent. Her heart began to thump wildly.

"He came to you, didn't he?" Castle asked softly. "He threatened you. But not just you, he threatened me."

"Please," she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"No, Kate. We agreed, we're in this together. I will not let you destroy yourself in some deal with the devil."

"Castle, move aside," she said softly, tears streaming down her face.

"I'm not moving, Kate. I told you always and I mean it. I love you." He planted his feet firmly in front of the doors.

"Please, Castle, you need to move!" she yelled hysterically, but he shook his head.

"We're going to end this together, Kate. Just tell me what he asked you," he soothed, placing his hands on her arms. She gave a shuddering sob and took a moment to compose herself before wrenching her arms free and using her fist to knock him out cold.

She looked back at his crumpled form lying on the morgue floor.

She'd rather his heart be broken than dead.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hello! It's been a while. Thanks for sticking with me! This story is drawing to a close, but there's still some things to wrap up. There's one more chapter after this one and I may write an epilogue.**

**Thank you so much for your reviews and PMs and follows and favorites and for reading and being so great. I hope you enjoy this chapter. xo Molly**

**ps. violence and strong language warning for this chapter!**

**Chapter 18**

Kate hurriedly unlocked her front door, swiping angrily at the tears running down her face. She made a list in her head of the essentials she needed to grab before disappearing. To where, she didn't know. She'd figure that out later, once she was as far away from the people she loved as a fake passport could get her.

She realized a second too late that she wasn't alone in her apartment.

A soft crying reached her ears just as she heard the click of a gun.

"Give me your weapon."

She obeyed, silently cursing her emotions from the fight with Castle for getting the best of her.

Her captor pocketed her service weapon and dutifully patted her down for anything she could have hidden in her work uniform. Once satisfied Kate Beckett was completely unarmed, he nodded toward her bedroom.

"Boss has a surprise for you in there."

She walked a little, then pretended to stumble. Her captor lowered his gun in surprise, giving her all the opportunity she needed. She swept him off his feet and grabbed his gun for herself.

Kate pointed the gun down at the face of her captor, perturbed to see the man laughing at her.

"I don't think you want to do that, Sweetheart," he smirked.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't put this bullet through your skull, Asshole."

The man raised an eyebrow at her, accepting the challenge.

"You don't want Boss to blow your step-daughter's brains out, do you?"

Kate's heart dropped. She used the butt of the gun to knock the smirking man out, and rushed to her bedroom. Her worst fears were confirmed when she saw Alexis sitting in a chair, surrounded by several men including V.

"See, Alexis. I told you Katie would join us soon," V said jovially. "She may act out on occasion, but she always comes around like a good little girl in the end."

"Are you okay, Alexis?" Kate asked her worriedly, deliberately ignoring V's taunts. Alexis nodded jerkily before V grabbed her chin.

"Ah ah, no talking yet," he chastised before releasing her roughly.

"What are you doing here, V?" Kate bit out, glaring at him. V pursed his lips and motioned for one of his men to come forward and take Kate's gun. She grudgingly released it into the man's hands, showing him her middle finger as he smirked and took his place behind V again.

"I've noticed ever since you met that Castle boy, Katie, you've been acting out more. Defying me. I'm afraid I've grown tired of our little games here," he reached a hand down to stroke Alexis' fiery hair as her body began to shake in fear.

"You and your little ragtag group have crossed me for the last time. Tonight this ends."

Kate took a deep breath before a calm settled over her as she made her decision. Maybe she couldn't save herself or their baby, but Castle couldn't lose Alexis too. He wouldn't survive it.

"You're right. I've disobeyed you, so it's only fair I pay for what I've done. Kill me. But let Alexis go."

V laughed as he gazed condescendingly at the stone faced Detective who had finally found her place to stand.

"Why would I let her go, Katie? Give me one good reason? You knew the deal, and yet you still broke it." Kate clenched her fists and avoided looking into Alexis' terrified eyes. She met V's gaze head on with a steel glare of her own.

"If you let Alexis go, I'll give you the one damning piece of evidence against you that I have, that you never even knew existed. Something my mother left for me."

V's eyes widened for a moment before he schooled his features.

"Well this is a twist." He smirked and pulled roughly on Alexis' hair, causing her to cry out. "What piece of evidence would this be?"

Kate shook her head and pursed her lips.

"Let her go and then we'll talk." She held his gaze.

V laughed then, signaling the three men around him to advance on Kate.

"Unfortunately for you, Katie, I'm calling your bluff. Besides, you aren't the only one who broke a deal for Miss Castle's life."

Kate dodged a stray kick to her stomach but fell against the wall as one of the men punched her in the face. She used the wall as leverage to push off and tackle V's goon, taking them both to the ground and repeatedly punching him in the temple. She swung wildly around as she felt a second goon start to pull her off of his co-worker's body. After managing to wrench herself free, she grabbed a lamp from the bedside table and smashed it over the man's head. She spun around to address her third attacker, but not quickly enough. He pushed her against the wall, slamming her head into a picture frame. She moaned as pieces of glass embedded in her skull.

He then threw her across the room, into the bed. She bounced off the side and onto the floor, feeling blood run down her face.

Just as she was jumping up to defend herself, the man picked her up as if she weighed nothing and threw her into the corner of the room against a plastic laundry basket. She heard Alexis screaming in the background.

Her body felt bruised and battered, but Kate knew she was fighting for more than just her life. She crawled over to the fallen goon, spying a gun sticking out of his waistband. However, one of her attackers beat her to it and stepped on her hand as it reached out, cracking the finger bones beneath his boot. She screamed in pain despite trying to hold it in.

"Enough," V's voice roared over the commotion. "I've grown tired of this. Bring the girl over here and I will finish her off."

Kate struggled as the two remaining goons roughly dragged her over to where V sat with Alexis. She looked into Alexis' eyes one last time, trying to convey everything she had failed to say out loud in the time she had known her. She tried to look reassuring to the girl, even though they were both about to be murdered in cold blood.

"Katie, as much as I would like to let you watch Alexis die by my hands, her death requires quite a different audience. I just wanted you to know in your last moments that you had failed, and because of you, your loved ones will die. But, you, my dear, are first in line to go actually. I'm afraid my use for you has run out. Though it has been oh so fun." He smiled wickedly then and Kate watched as he put his hand on Alexis' shoulder.

"Now, Alexis, this may get quite graphic, but I expect you to watch." He laughed, squeezing her shoulder painfully and causing her to whimper. Kate's blood boiled.

"I'll see you in Hell, you asshole," she spat, shaking in anger. But then her eyes fell on Alexis'. She was crying, her blue eyes filled with terror and defeat. Kate felt her own face begin to dampen.

"I love you, Alexis," she choked out. She held the girl's gaze from across the room until she saw that she understood everything she could not say out loud in these final moments.

The silence was broken as V flipped open a knife. He chuckled darkly and stepped towards Kate, circling her with predatory eyes.

"What do you think, Katie? Will your mother be proud when she meets you in Hell and you bear the same wounds she died from? Made with the same knife?"

Kate stayed silent but clenched her teeth.

V leaned in close and whispered in her ear,

"I'm going to enjoy making you scream too."

It was then that the world exploded in white.

Kate wasn't one to usually believe in miracles, but she was pretty damn sure this was some kind of divine intervention, and either way she was going to take advantage of it.

As everyone's vision was obscured by the blinding light and subsequent smoke, she managed to wrench free from her captors and feel blindly on the ground for the fallen goon. Once she had found the outline of his body, she was relieved to find his gun still in his waistband.

Around the room and the rest of the apartment, it seemed chaos had broken out. White smoke seeped in everywhere, obscuring everyone's vision. Kate coughed and held the gun close to her person as she felt around toward where Alexis and V had been. This was her bedroom, after all, and she had fumbled through it in the dark many times before.

She cursed as she found the chair empty, and startled as she felt a hand grab her wrist.

She jerked her wrist free, but the hand shot out again. As the smoke began to clear around her, she sighed in relief.

"Castle!" Kate threw her arms around her boyfriend. He squeezed her tight and gave her a chaste kiss before looking her over and frowning at her obvious injuries.

"Wait, Castle, you can't be here… V's here, and he's got Alexis-"

"Kate, I know! I brought reinforcements."

They both turned worriedly as they heard gun shots coming from the living room.

The smoke was beginning to clear from the whole apartment, leaving three lone figures in the middle of the living room.

"Let her go, Henry," Jackson Hunt demanded calmly, his gun trained on his brother who was currently holding Alexis in front of him like a human shield.

"She's such a pretty young thing, isn't she, Eddie?" As Castle and Kate got closer, they both saw V held the knife to her neck. "She even has Ma's eyes, Eddie. Ain't that a trip?"

Kate glanced over at Castle to see him completely frozen in fear.

"_Henry_, you need to let her go," Jackson Hunt repeated dangerously.

"No, I don't, Eddie, and you know why?" V snapped, bringing the knife closer to Alexis' neck. "You need to pay. You and that bitch Johanna Beckett. You betrayed my trust, and you know I don't give out my trust easily." V's gray-blue eyes flashed in anger as he backed up closer to the door.

Kate noticed then that Alexis had spotted her and Castle, and was trying to tell her something with her eyes. She watched as Alexis kept motioning toward the right with her gaze, then even moving her head a bit to emphasize the direction.

"Shit," Kate muttered.

"What?" Castle whispered frantically.

"If you pray, do it now," Kate quipped. Before Castle got the chance to ask what she meant by that, Kate raised her gun, causing Alexis to put her plan in motion. She ducked heavily to the right, slipping away from the knife for a second and giving Kate a clear shot to V's left chest area. Kate took the shot without hesitating.

V fell to the floor in pain, releasing Alexis immediately.

"Daddy!" she cried, running into Castle's waiting arms.

"Oh Pumpkin, I'm so glad you're okay," he murmured into her hair, not surprised to find tears running down his face.

Kate sank to the ground in relief, feeling as if a big weight was just lifted off her chest. She saw Jackson Hunt walk over to V's body on the ground and check for a pulse. He met Kate's gaze, and shook his head.

She felt a hand tugging on her arm. She looked up to see Alexis smiling at her.

"Thank you so much, Kate. I love you too." Alexis sank to the ground and hugged Kate fiercely. Castle gave an undignified "Hey!" at being left out of a group hug, and sank to the floor to join them.

Kate looked up to find Jackson Hunt watching them fondly.

"I think Jackson Hunt needs a hug, Alexis," she stage whispered to the girl. Alexis, for her part, beamed and engulfed Hunt in a warm hug without hesitation. The man held on to the girl tightly, closing his eyes as if committing that moment to memory.

"I'm glad you're okay, Alexis," he said sincerely. "And you too, Kate. There's a lot we need to discuss." Kate nodded, and reached up to take the hand Castle offered her to stand. However, she began to sway on her feet as soon as she was upright. She felt her legs collapsing beneath her as Castle yelled her name in the background. The last thing she remembered was that he wouldn't let go of her hand as her world faded to black.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: So here it is! The last chapter. Thank you so much to everyone for sticking with me, reading and giving me feedback! I truly hope you've enjoyed the story and that you like the last chapter. I've had a great time writing and posting it. I may do an epilogue, I haven't really decided yet. For all intents and purposes though I'm considering this story complete and this the last chapter.**

**Thank you again! Here you go:**

**Chapter 19**

The first thing she saw was familiar gray blue eyes hovering above her. Kate blinked steadily, and felt the corners of her mouth uplifting in a loopy smile.

"You're back," Castle whispered, running a warm hand down the side of her face.

"Where'd I go?" She asked in a small voice. He chuckled sadly as the rest of the world came into focus. She looked around the room and saw Alexis sitting in a chair off to the side, currently sleeping soundly.

"What happened?" She asked, a bit more lucid. Castle hesitated.

"What do you remember?" He asked timidly.

"I shot V…" she said bluntly. "He had Alexis, so I killed him."

"Yes," Castle replied, urging her to continue.

"Then… I passed out?" She looked at him questioningly. He removed his hand from hers and used it to rub his face tiredly.

"You have a pretty bad concussion, and were overall pretty banged up. On top of that, the doctors said you probably haven't been sleeping well or taking good care of yourself… especially in your condition." Her gaze met his, and she could tell that he knew.

"Castle…" she began, feeling a hot rush of shame and panic overwhelm her body. He held up a hand.

"We are not having this conversation here, Kate. Especially while you're doped up on pain meds from being tossed around-" his voice cracked then and he put his head in his hands. It was silent for a few minutes before his shoulders began to shake, and Kate realized he was crying.

"Oh, God, Rick… I'm so sorr-"

"Do _not_ say that," he cut her off, his eyes bloodshot red as they glared at her. "_Sorry_ isn't going to make it better." He sighed and took a moment to compose himself.

A sickening thought hit Kate.

"Rick… the baby… it's okay… right?" her voice was small and timid and she felt her body shrink back into her pillow. Rick nodded firmly and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"The… it's healthy." He said at last. "Well, a little underweight for what stage it's at, but they gave me a pretty detailed meal plan to get you back on track when you get out of here." He avoided her eyes.

"Where's Jackson Hunt?" She asked, though her words were starting to slur. Castle apparently noticed, because he shook his head and pushed the button to increase her pain meds.

"You need to rest, Kate. Questions later…"

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

The next time she woke up, Castle wasn't there. Alexis was, though.

The redhead's whole face lit up as she saw Kate was coming to.

"Lexis?" Kate croaked, blinking the blurriness out of her eyes.

"Yeah," she said softly, squeezing the detective's hand in her own. She watched as Kate's eyes darted around the room.

"My dad had to take care of some stuff," she explained vaguely. "But he didn't want you to wake up alone, so I offered to sit with you." She gave Kate a hopeful smile.

"I'm glad," Kate assured her. "You're my favorite redhead," she quipped, wiggling her eyebrows.

Alexis chuckled.

"Well, I have to warn you, red hair runs in the family. You may not be able to pick favorites for long." She glanced down at Kate's stomach, and grimaced as the mood sobered.

"Are you mad?" Kate asked hesitantly. Alexis bit her lip in a very Kate-like way before leaning forward in her chair.

"I could never be mad about getting a new sibling. And with you as their mom? It's perfect." She paused to collect her thoughts. "But am I mad that you didn't tell us? That you didn't tell my dad? That you put yourself and my little brother or sister in danger several times without us even knowing?" Kate felt tears begin to build in her eyes as she heard someone describe exactly what she had done, what a terrible mother she already was. She closed her eyes as her shoulders began to shake.

"Kate," Alexis said, her voice a little gentler. "The parts of the story I do know… I understand why you did what you did. And the parts I don't know? I don't think I have the right to judge you when I don't know your side of the story, and I don't even know all the facts." She sighed. "Do I wish that you told us, and let us help you and keep you safe? Yes, but I also know you are a very protective Mama Bear." Kate looked confused at that. She found her tears stopping temporarily as she struggled to understand what Alexis was getting at.

"You'll do anything to protect the ones you love. I know V must have threatened to kill my dad, and threatened to kill me. You weren't just thinking of yourself, or dad, or even just your baby… you were protecting me. And that's how I know you will be a great mom. Because you already are a great one. To me."

Kate found herself smiling despite her tears.

"Alexis…" Alexis threw herself into Kate's arms, hugging her tightly.

"I know, Kate. Me too."

A knock on the door interrupted their tender moment. They both looked up to see Castle in the doorway.

"The car's downstairs, Kate, if you're ready to sign out."

"So soon?!" she exclaimed, hardly noticing Alexis' amused expression.

"Well, you can stay here longer if you really want to, but I just thought since you hate hospitals and all, I'd secure you an early sign-out with doctor's supervision…" He trailed off, waving the papers in his hand.

"What aren't you telling me, Castle?" she demanded. His eyes widened.

"There's nothing I'm not telling you," he asserted. Kate growled.

"Then why are there 2 security details outside my door?"

Castle gulped as Kate looked at him pointedly.

"Can't get anything past you…" he muttered to himself. He took a seat on the chair by her bed and shook his head.

"There may be some… backlash now that we killed V," he explained slowly. "Even though Henry Vandergraff is dead, there's others that may want to take his place. To do that, they may want to avenge his death and go after the people they hold responsible for the turmoil their organization is in right now."

Kate's face paled. Castle didn't have to say anymore. She knew that all of their lives were still in grave danger, maybe even more than before.

"How do we end this?" she asked, not necessarily expecting an answer. Castle smiled.

"It's funny you should ask that… Jack has been working with the team and me while you were out, and we think we've got an idea that might work."

"Jack?" Kate asked, confused. She didn't miss the loaded look Castle and Alexis exchanged.

"Yeah, Jackson Hunt," Castle explained, a fond smile unknowingly making its way onto his lips.

"He's still willing to help out?" Kate wondered. "I feel like there's something we're missing there… a piece of the story we haven't figured out yet."

"What do you mean?" Castle questioned her. Alexis turned her head so Kate couldn't see her face break out in amused laughter.

"Well, just some things that V said. And V kept saying he wanted to get back at my mom and Jackson Hunt for betraying him. With V that usually means threatening and killing a loved one. So why did he kill your mother? How does she fit into all of this?" She scrunched her nose in confusion, and Castle couldn't help but laugh at how cute she looked.

"What, why are you laughing?" Kate demanded, frowning.

"Dad, just tell her!" Alexis piped up, exasperated.

Castle took Kate's hands in his.

"Kate, Jackson Hunt is my father."

Kate immediately pulled her hands from his, shocked.

"So…" she began, but trailed off, realizing she didn't really know what to say. Castle seemed to sense what she wanted to ask.

"He told me as soon as we knew you were going to be okay. He said he met my mother one night after one of her plays, and they fell in love hard and fast. But that's all they had; one night. That's all they could ever have. He never told her his real name. He told her his name was Richard, which was actually his best friend from childhood's name. That's what she knew him as. For her safety, he left her in the morning.

"He said she knew though. He could tell that she could sense that his name was fake, that he couldn't stay, and that one night was all they'd have together. Still, a couple of years later he checked up on her, and found out about me.

"He's been keeping tabs on us ever since. Keeping his distance for our safety, but getting close enough to catch a glimpse of his family whenever things got lonely or hopeless." He took a deep breath, anxiously scratching his legs through his jeans.

"The main reason he's been trying to destroy his brother's organization was for our safety. He tried to keep our existence from V, but somehow he must have found out, and now Mother's dead… Jack reached out to her at that party the night before to try and warn her, and she promised him she was going to move us out of the country for a few months to keep us safe. But... "

Castle's voice cut off then, and he shifted uncomfortably in the hospital chair. Kate laid her hand on top of his, gently rubbing circles into his wrist.

"You always joked your dad was a spy," she teased, relieved when his face brightened.

"I was totally right! How cool is that?!" he gushed with the enthusiasm of a little boy. "Our family laser tag games are going to be _so_ much more epic now!"

Alexis and Kate simultaneously rolled their eyes and groaned.

"You're still grounded from laser tag, Dad, remember?" Alexis reprimanded. Castle's face immediately fell.

"No! Alexis, pleeeaseee, unground me! I'll be good this time!" He made a show of falling to his knees on the floor and clasping his hands together. His bottom lip jutted out in a puppy dog plead.

"Dad! You busted through the wall with your "ninja moves" into the Flannigans' bedroom and Mrs. Flannigan freaked out and pulled the fire alarm! At 2 in the morning! The _whole_ building had to evacuate!"

"Sometimes I question who the parent is in this relationship," Kate smirked, watching as both heads snapped towards her.

"Just you wait," Alexis warned. "He's already looking at toddlers' laser tag suits online."

Without realizing it, Kate had started to smile uncontrollably as the conversation shifted to the baby and Castle's parenting antics. Castle was content to just sit back and watch her glow as she bantered with his daughter.

"I can only imagine what trouble this kid's gonna get into if it's anything like your father." Suddenly her face paled. "Oh god, I hope it's nothing like me in my teenage years…"

Castle laughed and shook his head.

"Teenage Kate Beckett was a wild child?" His mind began to race with images of a punky, young Kate Beckett.

"I don't know why you're laughing, Castle. Do you want our daughter to get a tattoo like mine, _in a place_ like mine, and ride a motorcycle with leather pants at age 16?"

Castle looked horrified.

"Okay, that's hot on you, but the only thing I can think about now is pervy teenage boys lusting after our little girl."

"She's probably going to give us a lot more trouble than Alexis gave you," Kate smirked. "Beckett women are born with fire in their veins."

"I can't wait," Castle said seriously, as Kate beamed. "I already love her more than anything, Kate."

"Wait, so the baby's a girl?" Alexis interrupted timidly, breaking the spell that had settled between the two parents-to-be.

"Oh," Kate stammered as if she just noticed Alexis was still there. "I don't know… I don't think we can know yet. But I feel like it will be." She seemed to remember the tense situation at hand then and sighed.

"Do I have to use the wheelchair to get out of here?"

Castle gave her a wicked grin.

"Sorry, hospital policy. But I'll have you know I am an _excellent_ wheelchair chauffeur."

Kate gave him an exasperated look but began to ease herself off the bed.

"All right, let's get this show on the road. I'm pretty sure I've missed about 10 new episodes of Temptation Lane by now."

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

After they had settled into the loft, Kate laid alone in their bed worrying her lip. Castle was making sure she was well taken care of, but she could tell he was avoiding her. He still carried a hurt look in his eyes every time he passed her. Their discussion from the hospital was far from over, and Kate intended to continue it as soon as possible.

When he poked his head in their bedroom to let her know he was sleeping in the guestroom, she decided enough was enough.

"Rick, come talk to me." She patted the empty space next to her on the bed. Castle visibly hesitated.

"It's late, Beckett. We'll talk more in the morning." He turned to leave, but Kate pushed the covers back and began to get out of bed. Castle's eyes widened and he rushed forward, trying to get her to lay back down.

"What are you doing, Kate?! You're on bed rest! You're supposed to be off your feet! You just got out of the damn hospital!"

"Stop treating me like I'm going to break, Castle, I'm fine!" she snapped, and pushed at his chest. "We need to talk! And we are going to talk now, whether you like it or not!" She glared at him, and he met her glare with one of his own. Anger flashed in his eyes, and he crossed his arms.

"All right, Beckett, let's talk." He remained standing, his towering figure probably intimidating to others, but his refusal to sit and added height only served to fuel Kate's own anger.

"Let's talk about how you failed to tell me you're pregnant with my child. Not only that, but you go behind my back and make deals with this criminal, not only endangering my child that I don't even know about, but sabotaging my mother's murder case. Then, when I finally figure out you're the one who's been working with V from behind the scenes, I try to help you. I offer to do anything to help you. I tell you what I've always told you, _we will end this together._ And what do you do? You knock me out, and run." He pauses then, breathing heavily.

"That's what you were doing right? You were going to run. To God knows where, with my child. And I never would have even known." His voice was booming by that point, filling up the spacious bedroom. Beckett suddenly felt very small. She remained silent.

"Answer me, damnit," Castle growled.

"Yes!" she blurted out. She could see his anger flare, barely masking the hurt buried beneath it all.

"Rick, I can't even begin to excuse my actions… but I want a chance to explain them," she pleaded, swiping at her eyes. He remained silent, so she continued.

"I was so young when I first met V in that warehouse. I had just lost my mother a couple of years ago, and I was not yet even emotionally stable from that." She closed her eyes and tried to prepare herself. She wasn't used to sharing her feelings, but she knew this was a time when she had to try.

"He really fucked with my head. He almost killed Royce- the one constant I had in my life at the time- and after that Royce had to leave my life. I had nightmares about that night every night for the first year after it happened. And as you know, it gave me PTSD." She avoided his gaze but could tell that he was listening. She could feel his stare. Her face flushed with heat from the attention.

"And just when I thought I was getting better- I was going to therapy, developing ways of coping, sleeping better, starting to hope- V came back into my life. And he never let me forget he was there." She felt herself getting too worked up, and tried to compartmentalize her feelings. She imagined her memories were someone else's life, something she was reading in a book. She took a deep breath and counted to ten. _Inhale, exhale. V is dead. I killed him._

"It started off small. I thought I was just imaging it. Dark figures following me on the subway, open windows in my locked apartment… But then it turned into more. He'd send me threatening messages from untraceable numbers. My apartment was always getting broken into and ransacked. Sometimes the threats were more serious. A sniper would shoot at me in public, hitting a spot right next to my head. My apartment burned to the ground one time, and they could never find the source. But I always knew. He made sure I knew."

She finally met Castle's gaze and saw his expression was still hardened, but he was listening intently.

"When I found out I was pregnant, I was happy. I love you, Rick, and I love our baby. But I was terrified. I knew V could never find out, or he would kill our child. I didn't even go to a doctor because he has eyes everywhere. I wasn't even going to reconnect with you, I was going to run to keep this baby safe, but I was selfish and gave in because I was scared and whenever I'm with you I feel safe."

Kate saw Castle's face soften slightly, and she smiled.

"I stayed with you and Alexis those first few weeks, and I began to think there was hope. You helped me find hope again, in every way. I thought maybe you were right, we could take down V together, and be a family. There had been no sign of V for a few weeks, and I was going to tell you. Everything seemed great. But then V grabbed me on my way out of your apartment."

She watched as Castle clenched his fist at his side.

"He threatened me, threatened you, and he threatened Alexis. He told me to destroy the evidence from your mom's case so it goes cold, and then he'd leave you alone. All of those years came back, all of those nighttime terrors… I had to agree. It was one thing when he threatened me, but he was threatening you and Alexis," Kate pleaded with him to understand.

"He's controlled me for so long… so when you brought home the files from Jackson Hunt, I began to hope again. I thought I could finally get out from under his thumb.

"Then he found out we'd been working with… your dad, and he changed the deal. He wanted me to leave you. But I couldn't do that. I started thinking of telling you everything, of taking you and Alexis and going on the run. But every scenario I thought of just seemed so impossible. He has influence everywhere… I don't know if we could ever escape as long as he was alive.

"And then you figured it out. You confronted me, and I panicked. Because if you figured out I was working with him, other people would too, and he would retaliate. So I ran. I thought if I honored his deal, left you and disappeared, he'd leave you and Alexis alone. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I couldn't let him kill you. I couldn't let him kill Alexis. But then, the rest you know. He was waiting for me with Alexis in my apartment…"

She trailed off and picked at a stray thread from the comforter. She refused to look at Castle, convinced their relationship had fallen to pieces, even with her explanation. At the thought, her hands began to shake uncontrollably.

She was startled to feel Castle's hands cover her own and began rubbing soothing circles onto her wrists.

"Kate," he said softly. She sniffled.

"I'm so sorry, Castle," she whispered.

"Kate, look at me," he prompted. She did, and saw him give her a tender smile as he sat on the bed beside her.

"It's going to be okay, Kate," he promised. "You did what you had to, and it's going to be okay. We're going to be okay. It may take some time, but everything is going to be okay." He took her in his arms then, and held her tight. She clung to him desperately, inhaling his calming scent.

"Are you still gonna sleep in the guest room?" she asked sleepily. He chuckled and kissed the top of her head.

"Only if you want me to." She snuggled closer into him.

"I want you in here. With me."

Castle settled in on his side of the bed under the covers and pulled her against him again. Kate sighed in contentment.

"What was the idea Jackson Hunt had about bringing down the leftover organization?" she asked, twining her fingers through his. Castle sighed.

"You sure you want to talk about this _now_?" he whined.

"Rick," she warned.

"All right," he relented. "You know all of that information and evidence your mom and my dad gathered on V's organization? Well apparently when she died they could never find it. It just… disappeared." Kate hummed thoughtfully.

"So if we find all the intel she collected on V, we'll have enough to shut down the organization," she mused. He nodded.

"My dad thinks it was on a computer chip of some sort." Kate scrunched her nose as she thought about it.

"So they think she hid a computer chip somewhere?"

"Yeah," Castle replied. "Did you ever receive anything of hers after she died, or go through her stuff she had on her the night she died and find an old computer chip?"

Kate took a moment to think about it.

"I've been through all of her stuff several times. Never saw a chip. She must have needed to have it nearby at all times if it was important, and hidden it in a place she went to often… probably even the day she died."

"What did she do the day she died?" Castle asked carefully, knowing this was a delicate subject. Kate, however, seemed to be deep in thought.

"She'd been at the office all day, but I got a box full of things from her office and there was never anything with a chip in there. It wasn't in her purse that night either."

Castle looked disappointed.

"There was no place for her to hide it in her office? No false drawers? No secret compartments?"

Kate smiled fondly at his theories but then her eyes widened.

"Rick… When I was 15 she gave my dad a figurine of this family of lions for their anniversary. Lions were his favorite animal, and they had all these inside jokes together about him being the lion she tamed and her being the elephant because she loved elephants and like how elephant herds are matriarchal she was the real head of our family."

"Hey, I like lions too! And you have those elephants on your desk…" his eyes lit up as Kate nodded.

"The next year he got her the exact same figurine, only with elephants. But after she died, when I was 19, my dad lost himself in the bottle. And then it escalated from the bottle to pills. At first I tried to be his parent and find all of his hiding places, get rid of all the stuff in the house. It took a while before I realized he had to be the one to get clean, and I couldn't do it for him." She shook her head sadly, and Castle squeezed her arm in support.

"Rick, the lion figurine had a secret compartment in it. And I'll bet the elephant one does too." Her face broke out in a bright smile. Castle impulsively leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"Well let's go get it," he exclaimed, and yelped as Kate threw the covers off.

"I thought you'd never ask."

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

They walked through the elevator doors holding hands and wearing identical looks of determination.

Ryan and Esposito gave Kate a surprised wave as she walked up to her desk.

"Aren't you like… supposed to be resting?" Esposito questioned her carefully, aware that she could kick his ass for asking.

"And isn't it past his bedtime?" Ryan added, sticking his thumb out toward Castle.

Kate rolled her eyes.

"Laugh all you want, boys, but I do believe Castle and I just cracked the case." She grinned happily at her boyfriend. "Several cases, in fact."

Their responses were interrupted by the ding of the elevator.

"Jack!" Castle called out excitedly.

"Couldn't miss the big finale!" Jackson Hunt said gruffly, striding over to Kate's now slightly crowded desk. "So where is this thing?"

Castle was practically bouncing on his heels. "You will _never_ guess. It's been here the whole time! Would you believe-"

"Castle!" Kate interrupted. "We don't even know if it's here for sure, let's hold our horses here." She took off her leather gloves and made a show of cracking her knuckles.

"Now, I think it's time-"

"Detective Beckett, I thought I banned you from this precinct for the next 2 weeks?"

Everyone around her desk collectively groaned as Captain Montgomery came out of his office.

"Sir, with all due respect, this will only take a moment and I think we've waited long enough." With that, she grabbed the elephants that had been resting on her desk since she first started working there, and tugged at the hidden latch on the side. Everyone held their breath as the compartment opened, and an old computer chip fell into Kate's hands.

Kate felt her vision blur as the gravity of what she was holding hit her. Her mother had died for this. Castle's mother had died for this. And now it was over.

She heard Esposito and Ryan whooping and saying something about a stash of champagne in the break room. She saw Jackson Hunt- Castle's father- and Captain Montgomery shaking hands and patting each other on the back awkwardly. And then she saw Castle looking at her with such an intensity that she felt the air in her lungs leave. He was smiling, and she felt her legs stand up without her permission as he took her hands in his. Their lips met in a sweet kiss, and then Castle pulled her close into his chest. She blinked, but there were no tears in her eyes this time. She finally felt herself begin to breathe.

She felt Castle's breath on her ear.

"We make a pretty good team," he murmured. She met his gaze and gave him a beaming smile.

"The best."

-

FIN


End file.
